This hurts but why?

[pinkplush]

I disagree. He doesn't move on from his current relationship because he doesn't want to. It's that simple. Like your therapist said, Pink... he's a serial cheater. He uses the "equity thing" on vulnerable women who need to hone their personal boundaries so they don't fall for bullshit lines like that one.

The online dating world is filled with premeditating cheaters. That's why if you want better odds of finding a good man that isn't there just to score then you'd do well to set up a profile on a pay site. Married and otherwise taken men (serial cheaters) and players more often then not don't want to pay to get laid and therefore frequent the free sites for their next "mark"

When you're ready to date again, when you've worked on your personal boundaries (do talk to your therapist about those as they are very important to have) try a paid site.

Hate to tell you this but that was a paid site! I met the jerk on a paid site so that why I truly believed what he had in that profile was true. I even asked him how is that fair to single women like me who are actually looking for something and his response " Its not" which I translate into I know its not fair and I don't give a s*#%. I know its shocking someone would pay when he can go on free sites and find people like him. He also has this on his profile: "I've been hurt before so I know not to hurt anyone else" isn't that a crock of BS??? He doesn't want to be hurt but he hurts other people. I also think he gets women from FB but I'm not 100% sure on that. I refuse to even go back to that paid online site because of him I let my subscription expire.

- - - Updated - - -

The woman he's with is not better than you, sweety. He has been reluctant to move on from his toxic relationship and continues it for the wrong reasons (aka the stupid "equity" thing). Yes, be relieved to get rid of this man who continues to try to force a relationship with a woman who's probably cheating on him as well, talking to these other men. These people will not last, or will forever be miserable together. They don't work at all as a couple and are wasting their time together.

Focus on your good points, you're wife material, you don't cheat, want a commitment, but just got into a relationship with a bad candidate. Work on trying to move on from this and meet a guy who wants to commit to you. Don't settle for just dating if that's what you don't want. By the time about a month goes by of dating, and you want a commitment, this is enough time for the guy to decide to make you exclusive.

I know she can't be "better" I mean he tells me I'm wife material beautiful person but I felt like he put me beneath her because I have a job and no kids vs her not having a job and 3 kids that are not his. Priceless!

[smackie9]

Pinkplush if you have kept record of your messages and conversations with him, you can report him to the site and provide the evidence that this guy is just a predator. On these paid sites there is a contract that you must agree on in order to be a member. If you read the fine print, all information you provide on your profile must be truthful and not misleading in anyway. They will kick him off and block his ip address so he can't go lurking back in. These sites put these features in to order to protect it's paying customers. It's worth a shot to place a complaint, to prevent him from messing someone else up. You could have gotten something for your troubles like an extended membership for free or your money back.

[Wakeup]

^^^^ This.

And just because it was a paid site it doesn't mean you ignore red flags. There are liars everywhere... there will just be less of them on a paid site (as I said, better odds of not finding cheaters on a paid site.)

He's vile, as I said we've established that but it's time you forgive yourself (for ignoring those flags) and get on with your life while having learned a lesson about trust being earned and not putting up with disrespectful behaviour from a practical stranger. The minute he disappeared you should have never talked to him again because there is NO EXCUSE for someone doing that to you that should be acceptable to you. No man that valued you would do that to you short of being in hospital and unconscious.

You'll be fine... just stop thinking about the douche and get on with your next dating adventure... You may consider reporting him though.

[pinkplush]

Pinkplush if you have kept record of your messages and conversations with him, you can report him to the site and provide the evidence that this guy is just a predator. On these paid sites there is a contract that you must agree on in order to be a member. If you read the fine print, all information you provide on your profile must be truthful and not misleading in anyway. They will kick him off and block his ip address so he can't go lurking back in. These sites put these features in to order to protect it's paying customers. It's worth a shot to place a complaint, to prevent him from messing someone else up. You could have gotten something for your troubles like an extended membership for free or your money back.

I will certainly look into that. Thank you!

[pinkplush]

^^^^ This.

And just because it was a paid site it doesn't mean you ignore red flags. There are liars everywhere... there will just be less of them on a paid site (as I said, better odds of not finding cheaters on a paid site.)

He's vile, as I said we've established that but it's time you forgive yourself (for ignoring those flags) and get on with your life while having learned a lesson about trust being earned and not putting up with disrespectful behaviour from a practical stranger. The minute he disappeared you should have never talked to him again because there is NO EXCUSE for someone doing that to you that should be acceptable to you. No man that valued you would do that to you short of being in hospital and unconscious.

You'll be fine... just stop thinking about the douche and get on with your next dating adventure... You may consider reporting him though.

Its just taking me awhile to get better, every morning i wake up i have a different feeling: anger, embarrassment, self blame, etc. or i have these weird dreams, dreamed of a garbage can the other night and i'm just really sad. I know there were signs but i don't want to continue to beat myself up. Before all of this got so crazy like the first few times i talked to him before all of the disappearing acts happened i really liked him but i guess that was his goal.

[Wakeup]

Of course you don't continue to beat yourself up. What you do that will get you over this quicker is to accept that there were red flags that you ignored instead of looking after your own emotional best interests, you forgive yourself for that and then you move onto doing things that will take your mind off of him and anything to do with the time you had together. You consciously change the subject to something else.. You do something you've always wanted to do but haven't yet gotten around to, you hang out with your good friends, you read about honing your personal boundaries and how important they are to keeping you safe from people like him... that is how you will more quickly get over this and to the stage of indifference to it all.

Don't dwell on it anymore. If you continue to post at Loveforum.net then help other posters in other threads instead of keeping your own situation upfront and present in your head.

Time and what you do with your time is key.