Parents disapproves of my girlfriend BIG time!!!

[Mathias]

I don't think this is an American tradition. If you want to make up your own rules, you have to be completely independent.

This. If you're living with someone else in any capacity, you're not going to be able to make your own rules by default.

[jediknight4ever]

I sometimes wish that I would get hit by a truck, see god who tells me it's not my time yet and end up in a Hospital.
Get my job back, my girlfriend and my parents all happy and cheery. But that only happens in movies...

Be mindful that my Asian parents are very traditional, they think she's a slut because we slept together 2 months
after we've met (we've been friends for 6 weeks and then secretly dated for 2 weeks). She actually pushed back
having sex, but I insisted on our road trip. Not that my parents are gonna believe me anyway. Even though she's
a pretty out there and fun seeking type of person, she's also very disciplined. But not according to my parents.
Why? Because of her family background, they're just so adament that she's not a good person and will be trouble
once we get married and get divorced indefinitely.

I just tell them I will not break up with her simply because you don't approve of her.

My dad hasn't even met her and doesn't want to meet her at all. My mum only briefly met her.
I have pretty much given up trying to reason with them, cause there's not much point.

Can anyone suggest some logical and feasible ways for them to stop interfering in my personal affairs?

Thanks

[DeFrank]

I'm in a culturally mixed relationship so I can understand how tough this must me. Unfortunately, the only way to be with her is to "break the rules". That is the only way you'll set the future standards they have for you. My boyfriend had to move out of state when he was younger to start breaking those boundaries. Once we met he just laid it down that if his mother didn't accept me or that he was in love, than he wouldn't speak to them. It worked. His family accepted me from the moment we met. Only because he had to set the rules ahead of time. Most of his siblings have had pre arranged marriages and have 3 kids at this point. Another friend of mine decided the only way to change things was to move out.
If you are a mama's boy, than she will eventually cave. You can't live the rest of your live to PLEASE her. You gotta stand up as hard as it may be at first. If you dance around it, you'll get caught in more lies. Be the man she expects you to be.

[jediknight4ever]

It's not so much as a cultural thing than it is a family orientation thing.
Since my parents' relatives, who are from single parent families are all divorced.
They bestow these scenarios towards my gf and that is what I can't accept.

[surfhb]

It's not so much as a cultural thing than it is a family orientation thing.
Since my parents' relatives, who are from single parent families are all divorced.
They bestow these scenarios towards my gf and that is what I can't accept.

There's only one way to deal with this: Quit talking about her to your parents, get a job and move out. Be a man and live your live with the woman you love.

Yeah...your parents will be very, very mad at you and you will break all the rules of tradition and family.....yada yada yada...i get it...but whos life is this?

[Georgianna]

Your parents sound ridiculous. As a result of immigrating to another country and away from China, they should have accepted the fact that you would date, and probably find a mate that was a foreigner. If I were them I would have accepted in advance that you would one day marry an Australian. Maybe she is Vietnamese, but they can't expect you to only date Chinese girls if you live in Australia. Tell them that by making the decision to move their lives onto foreign soil, they already made the decision for you that you would one day marry a foreigner. They can't be so small minded and expect everything to revolve around them.

[jediknight4ever]

On a side note, let me ask you guys a little riddle

boy1 (not me) really likes girl1, but girl1 doesn't like boy1 in that way
boy1 feels sad and confides in his friend girl2, girl2 comforts him

please help me finish this riddle?

[Andariel]

At 28 you need to be more independent. Find a new job, get a place of your own, start paying your own bills. As long as you keep living in your parents' house and they are paying for everything, in their mind you are still their little boy who they have 100% control over. I respect that culturally your parents view things very differently. I have Chinese friends who grew up in China and are working in the UK and your parents' reaction sounds familiar to what they were telling me they go through from time to time.

Accept that it is a cultural thing; not a reaction that truly reflects your girlfriend's character. Their reaction does not mean she is not right for you especially given the reasons they gave you to convince you not to be with her, ie.'she has a small head'-so what?If you like it then that's all there is to it!!! ;-)

Her not speaking Mandarin is barely an issue:I am sure she could learn the language if you explained why it is important to you. Other than that, your parents will have to accept your decision. But in order for that to happen you have to prove to them that you can be your own person and support yourself.Then maybe they would not worry so much about you and desperately try to find you a 'suitable' bride because they think you are not mature enough to find one yourself.It will take time but don't you want to be able to make your own decisions?

[jediknight4ever]

I inadvertently broke up with her last week. I don’t think I even knew what I was doing until it was too late. She was very hurt and distraught. I realised what a terrible mistake I’ve made, I’m really dying inside, I don’t want to live with myself. I called her and she told me it’s over, she can’t see us going back anymore, because she doesn’t see me the way she once did. I chose my parents before her and she can’t take that chance anymore.

I asked her if she still loves me, she paused, her eyes became watery but she didn’t cry, she actually smiled and said happily that she don’t love me, I don’t believe her. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s all for the better, I just want her to be happy and even though being with her has been the happiest moments of my life, it has also been very stressful with my parent’s relentless taunts and threats.

Something happened with my mum the night b4 the break up, I can’t say what but it was pretty bad. I guess I acted in the interest of the safety of both parties at the time. She has now muted me on facebook. I know she still cares about me but she doesn’t want to love me anymore. A part of me just wants to move on and stop hurting her, myself and everyone involved. The other part just wants to be with her no matter what.

I feel so empty and alone, I can’t concentrate at work and I can’t sleep properly. There’s that feeling of a thousand spears piercing my heart and a tonne of bricks weighing it down. I know the best thing to do is to not bother her and just give each other some time and space, but it’s harder said than done. Everywhere I go, I see things that remind me of her.

My parents are still trying to set me up with that fob girl; I had a fight with my mum about it again last night. I’ll never be able to live my life and make my own decisions/mistakes if I stay at home. I have found a new job and this is my 4th week, I am planning on move out when I’m confident that I’ve secured this position. I highly doubt that she would move in with me now given all that has transpired. One can only hope for the best and expect the worst.

So what should and shouldn’t I do from this point forward?

Thanks for reading

[mala]

hey, sorry to hear u going thru such mess. but ill say only this. im a gal who is independent and a lil modern, my ex was just like u. but i changed for him bcoz i really loved him. he enede up being engaged to someone else. im really upset, n i still want him, even if he comes back one day ill take him. n i can do anything in this world to keep him n his family happy. if this gal ur dating is like wat im, if u think she is the right person, then do make ur parents understand somehow. bcoz if u break her heart, she will be really broken n im talking thru experiance, n try to understand her. if u really love her then there shudnt be a prblem. n if u think dat this gal can give ur parents all the hapiness then go ahead n be with her, in time ur parents will understand y u made that choice wen ur galfrnd turns out to be wat they ever wanted.

i hope dat helps, n u have all the hapiness there is

[nerdy_guy]

I've been to that exact situation before. I regretted part of it but it does have its own merits. I, for one will never marry anyone from china... EVER! Even if that is my ethnicity, too much bad review from everyone I know who lived there. I had a non-chinese gf before and had to end it as well since my parents wanted me to look for a chinese. They keep telling me about that culture clash nonsense. To which I told them that if it were true, people who marry into their own culture wouldn't be fighting and/or having divorce which generally shuts them up. Finally, I realized that its just not fair for my ex-gf if she gets treated as a second class person in the family and my relatives just because she's not chinese, so in the end I let her go.