Help. WHat should i do :(

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry you broke up. Its your first one, it will get better tho it won't feel like it for a while. Go out with friends, be with your family and avoid contact with your ex. This is important for a quicker recovery, as everyone has said.

He was filling a part of your life where this is now a void, so getting out and doing other things will be very important even if you don't feel like it.

You aren't alone. Almost everyone has been where you are. Take comfort in that, knowing that it they made it, you will too. Breakups hurt, but they also make you stronger, like catching a cold and then fighting it off so the next one doesn't flatten you as easily.

[utzelf]

I know you want answers and you want the pain to go away. It doesn't sound like either is going to happen as quickly as you want it. Talking to him and having him treat you like that just really opened the wound again and that's why you are feeling horrible right now. In a way, him treating you like that is helping you detach from him because he isn't the person you fell in love with now. But he's not going to magically change and swoop in and whisk you off your feet and say "I'm sorry, I love you". He thinks he is right, he is stubborn, and it's not realistically going to happen.

He needs to be on his own to really sort things out. Ironically, this doesn't usually happen unless he can't have you. As long as you continue to call him and contact him, even if it is about your stuff or something important to you, it's just going to further validate his decision. If you need your stuff, get it back and go into all out no contact mode so we can get you away from square one here and get you back on track to being the normal happy girl that he loved about you in the first place. It hasn't been too long a period of time, and it's going to be hard. Devote each and every day to doing things for yourself while taking care of the things that need to be done (school, work, etc.).

Thank you . That just stopped my tear fountain & saved my face from getting redder. Eff Monday I will NOT contact him or see him about my things or anything until I feel like I can look him in the face and completely NOT care, I will NOT contribute to validating his decision anymore (wow i thought i was helping by contacting 1st but guess I was just hurting myself, while he eats his ****ing cereal and not care about me or my things... wow now i feel Angry)

[cmacattack1]

Ah easier said than done. You never know how you feel or how you will react until you see them in person. I haven't talked to my ex in six months, and I forsee me running into her in about a month from now. I feel fine, I know that she is gone as she is dating somebody else and seems happy, I've told myself over and over that there is nothing I can do to change the past but who knows how I will feel if I run into her. Last time I did, I was so hurt and emotional I couldn't even fake my way through a happy normal conversation so I just ended up ignoring her. I've been doing things to make me happy and I feel like I'm back to normal. Hopefully it doesn't come crashing down.

You can't make yourself get over somebody and you can't help how you feel. All I know is a lot of time is necessary. Much more than you think. Maybe you will be lucky and find a guy improvement and that will certainly help. You are a girl, it shouldn't be TOO difficult. But either way, you just have to do the best you can and keep yourself happy with things in your life.

[utzelf]

I felt the need to get the issue about my package out of the way in order to completely move on. So I emailed him. [im such a baby ]
I don't want to post what I emailed him, I don't think it's necessary (or is it?)
But basically I didn't whine or anything. I did give myself closure by letting him know he's changed, has lost my trust and will have to earn it again in order to be friends one day (which is what he last told me he wanted when we broke up... why isn't he showing it yet? has he changed his mind?, or maybe i'm expecting friendship too soon),

and that I'm not trying to "validate his decision" by sending that 1 email.
It's also mostly about giving him the option to let me know whenever he's ready to let me pick up my things or to ship it to my dad's address.

I have no idea why I believed/felt that he's holding on to it, in attempt to hold on to me
(its the only excuse we have to communicate with each other so i need to get.it.out.of.the way )

And now i feel like i have. I feel better for now. I haven't cried today which is improvement, but i still feel empty.
Added a count down to my iTouch and realized... its ONLY been 12 days. If this is truly a bump in the road
he will come back, but that's his decision and not something me and all my crying to myself can make him do.

All I could really do is wait. Wait and move on. Breathe and be happy. And calm down. Yes. Calming down is important.
ALL THE WORRY in the world will NOT bring him back to my door step. It would just pre-age me
and ruin life FOR ME. Not him. Am i really worth less than him?.... NOPE.

12 days ago I really wanted him back and would have taken him BACK with no second thought.
But now, If he does come back i will take it with a pinch of salt and really think about it & make him
work for it. (Like he's supposed to....YEA! lololol)

I'll keep updating for reference and maybe look back one day and laugh.
I still want him but I am at the point where I feel like "Yes, I can ALMOST move on".
Just incase its truly over, because for some reason I dont yet feel like we're done.
*confused*confused*confused*

[cmacattack1]

I think you are realizing that while you still love him and care about him, it would never be the same again. That is why most will tell you to move on and never look back. I would have done anything to get my ex back and I was a terrible boyfriend, and even if she were to come back right this instant I would also have to think about it as well. After everything has happened, you cannot just jump right back into a relationship and expect everything to be normal. It would require taking it slow and really discovering what you both loved about each other in the first place. Much easier said than done, as you may forgive but you will never forget what has happened.

By all means, if you had to write the email for yourself, then you did it for the right reasons. I don't know if you were expecting more out of it, but if you got some peace of mind and closure from it, than I'm happy for you.

Moving on to you may mean not caring about him and never being with him again, but to me it's accepting that while you may care about them even though they hurt you, you understand that you do not need them in your life to be happy. It makes it much easier to becoming friends or maybe more in the future. This should not be your concern right now as you have a long road ahead of you from waiting. And life is way too short for that.

That feeling you have of it not being totally over is because it's not totally resolved and there wasn't total closure. It takes two for that to happen and neither of you are ready for that right now. It's a big hole in your life and there is no way to magically fill it. You will hit your ups and downs and probably continue to do so until you have somebody new in your life. Trust me on this. You will find a way to get by and deal with it and eventually it will be on your own terms and not require him in the picture at all to do so.

[Gigabitch]

The fact that he's a great big jerk is going to make this whole thing a lot easier.

There's nothing wrong with emailing him about your package. That's your stuff, and he's had it long enough that it starts to look like he's holding it hostage. What a wanker. You'd think he's be happy to just get it over and done with, but no. he appears to be punishing you for going out with him in the first place.

If he asks, don't take him back. He sounds like a wiener.

[utzelf]

You'd think he's be happy to just get it over and done with, but no. he appears to be punishing you for going out with him in the first place.

If he asks, don't take him back. He sounds like a wiener.

Exactly, That's what I've thought since day 1. That he will quickly get anything to do with me out of the way so everything could keep moving.

I know I did. As soon as I came home from his "no i don't love you i don't know what i want lets be friends" speech I express mailed his things to him.

But no, he hasn't returned it, he has read my email [i kinda peek in his inbox ] and he still hasn't called me about it.

Does he expect me to nagg him? I don't want to ask him a third time. I don't want to break NC again.

At this point I guess he could just eat the bikini and stick the shoes up his ass.

I'm so angry. These two weeks have been horrible & lonely for me. (especially since its spring break) I still miss my stupid ugly wiener .

I'm afraid.. afraid of a future where he doesn't come back and afraid to even picture myself with another guy while he's still alive and straight
and i suddenly realized that I'm on a huge "don't want him" "i want him" roller coaster .
Today's a rainy foggy dark day in NYC so its a "i wish he was here" day.

[cmacattack1]

While you may still want him back and you may even feel like you need him, remember that being with him at this particular point and time would not be good for either of you.

Being by yourself sulking about it is going to make it that much worse for you. Please, for your sake, surround yourself with people that love you and care about you and try your best to do things that you know you will like and bring you joy. Keeping busy won't be a permanent fix, but it's better than sitting around wishing for the stupid ugly wiener back, isn't it?

[utzelf]

Kept myself busy today. It's actually the first time (ever since the break) I ever went outside to get things done for myself. (not involving school or actually "needing" to be out). Retail therapy has kept me happy for a couple of hours.

Downer: The feeling is so temporary. I bought home shoes, accessories everything except the "happiness". As soon as I got home it was gone. It wasn't in the bag and it definitely wasn't in me. Did I accidentally leave it at the mall?

I still wonder about what he's doing. Like does he still practice with the guitar I gave him or has he discarded it?
It bothers me to not have any idea about him or how he is. But I guess it's even since he doesn't know what I'm doing either. Difference is I care.
Sometimes it feels like it's sooo obvious to him that I'm not doing anything so he probably doesn't care since he hasn't contacted me ever since the breakup.

The suns setting right now. The sky looks white, godly and inviting. Its not golden like it usually is. Another day's almost over. The days have all felt the same. They ALL blend into each other. Every slow day is a reminder that I cant just skip this part of life (Or any part).

Its all just a big 24 hour cycle leading into.... the next 24 hour cycle with no fast forward button to help it all go by just a little bit faster.

The only reason I know what day it is,... is because I'm counting how many days can go by until I see him again.

My approach to this situation has a chance of delivering myself grief because I think I've decided that I want him back.

Sometimes I get these sparks of joy from just thinking about how cool it would be to see him again while HIDING how upset I am about the breakup, Just hanging out with him like nothing has happened in hopes he would regret leaving and come back.
NC helps me hide it from him. But how can I hide it from myself?



When will it be safe for me to try and be with him again?
When can NC end? (just in case he decides to never contact me & really DOES end up keeping my things)

I feel hopeless. I would give a toe just to have a peek into the future so i can FINALLY know how this all ends for me.
But heck, nobody wants my toe so I guess I wont get my peek into the future

[fallenone]

You should listen to your mother. When a guy thinks they have gone to far, this is usually what happens. He probably didnt want to go as far as things did a couple of days ago, and felt bad for it. This is horrible for you, because by your own words, you did contact him a lot, and it probably made him rethink things. I would just let him go. If he wants to be with you, he will be, but if he doesnt, you are young, move on, go to school, and be glad you didnt get married young to him or have children by him. Just keep your head up and move forward. (dont make yourself available for no body.)

[utzelf]

You should listen to your mother. When a guy thinks they have gone to far, this is usually what happens. He probably didnt want to go as far as things did a couple of days ago, and felt bad for it. This is horrible for you, because by your own words, you did contact him a lot, and it probably made him rethink things. I would just let him go. If he wants to be with you, he will be, but if he doesnt, you are young, move on, go to school, and be glad you didnt get married young to him or have children by him. Just keep your head up and move forward. (dont make yourself available for no body.)

Wow you sound exactly like my mom she said the same exact thing! "Be glad he didn't leave you with kids, focus on school etc etc"

Anyhow I realized my problem.
And I am finally going to fix it!
I need to stop being clingy and OVERCOMPENSATING will become a thing of my PAST. I will NOT be a doormat anymore.
I found the perfect self-help book to help me with that.
I'm finally going to gain back a piece of mind that i have LOST.
I FEEL HAPPY!

He still has my package after contacting him twice about it. (guess we'll meet about it in the future) Maybe... he is as confused as I am.
But whatever he's NOT important right now (omg did i just say that!....)

I feel free. SO freaking free. My life is no longer on HOLD. Out of nowhere today he NO longer occupies 110% of my mind
AND HE NEVER WILL. Even if i get back with him.

As of now I understand why all of this happened. I'm glad it happened.
I need to self improve, I need to rid myself of clingy-ness (and I WILL and he will see that, if not then oh well the next guy will!)

After i heal/improve w/e put MYSELF first, i can then CONSIDER getting back with him.

[asdfg789]

Good for you !! Get out there and live your life ! There are many more things to see and experience. Many more people to meet !

[Gigabitch]

Shame him into sending your package. Tell him it's a pathetic ploy for contact and you're not interested.

[utzelf]

Shame him into sending your package. Tell him it's a pathetic ploy for contact and you're not interested.

This sounds like a good idea. I would LOVE to shame him but it's A little bit out of my character ... Actually it's wayyy out of my character. (for now atleast). How can I do this? Over the phone? In his face? Should I wait a little longer? I want to inflict as much shame as possible but at the same time not shame him to the point where he might not persue me or anything and think I'm a bitch while thanking god he dumped me :/

[ladr]

First love is always the sweetest and the most painful. 18? Explore the world and have some fun...just leave sex out of it.

trust me..you'll remember that guy fondly years from now.