Abusive relationship

[crackjack72]

You were lucky not to have gotten arrested this time, and things worked well at that particular moment! Unfortunately you don't want to keep getting in that situation. He's even fuming more now because he was arrested. I hope she did get a personal protection order after the event and the arrest. If she didn't she really needs to a.s.a.p. You really don't understand what you're dealing with, and please don't be naive. He may not know your phone number, but she's more of a target now unless you have that protection order, and still even when those are placed, depending on how obssessed the guy is will do anything to stay in control even if it means killing her. So you really have to take this seriously and keep both of you safe. I would make sure she has a phone on her at all times when she walks out the door. Make sure she has people witness her get into a job, or school. He knows her life, and some of them will stalk. I don't mean to frighten you, but this stuff gets serious.

While you like her, it's not an easy situation.

Relax she did get a personal protection order plus carries a knife at all time.

Plus, did i mention she was a geek?
That's right, she never goes outside and at least one of her parent is always home cause one of them works at night and the other during the day.

The only way he could get close to her is when we're at school which by the way is right next to a police station.
She also told me her father would come pick her up from school from now on when school ends so, all her sides are covered.

- - - Updated - - -

one would think she actually wanted you. Where in this story does it indicate that she'd even want you to come to her rescue never mind be her new boyfriend? You ASSume a lot, dude.

Implying you know all the details and have heard all our conversations before the story I'm telling you here even began.
If someone is assuming something here it's you.

[Wakeup]

Implying you know all the details and have heard all our conversations before the story I'm telling you here even began.
If someone is assuming something here it's you.

You did see where I asked "where does it say in your story that she even wants you" right?

Since you didn't bother to reply in the affirmative that she does want you, well then, its not looking much like she has told you that she does.

Care to tell the actual details that indicate that you're the (next) man for her?

Whether or not she wants you, you're still displaying symptoms of White Knight Syndrome which isn't a great trait to have. If you're at all interested in knowing more google it and educate yourself.

[Mattiemae]

Well nice to hear everything is in place! Just be careful! lol

[crackjack72]

You did see where I asked "where does it say in your story that she even wants you" right?

Since you didn't bother to reply in the affirmative that she does want you, well then, its not looking much like she has told you that she does.

Care to tell the actual details that indicate that you're the (next) man for her?

Let's see.. I saved her from this abusive prick and it made us closer than ever.
In fact, we've been having hilarious conversations on Skype ever since.
She also has no other male friend so, i'm obviously on top of the list since i don't have any competition.

Whether or not she wants you, you're still displaying symptoms of White Knight Syndrome which isn't a great trait to have. If you're at all interested in knowing more google it and educate yourself.

Alright so you're saying helping her was wrong?
I should've just walked away while this guy was hurting a friend i care about and probably would've smashed the crap out of her later?
Is that what you're saying?

[Wakeup]

Let's see.. I saved her from this abusive prick and it made us closer than ever.
In fact, we've been having hilarious conversations on Skype ever since.
She also has no other male friend so, i'm obviously on top of the list since i don't have any competition.

lol... just as I thought. You are her male girlfriend who she doesn't want to be with romantically (she has her abusive boyfriend for that). Have you ever stopped to think that if she was even worth having, that she'd not stay with an abusive prick? You're not even in a competition never mind heading the pack. Carry on, young'un and learn the hard way. After googling White Knight Syndrome, google "Ladder Theory" and learn to keep yourself OFF the FRIEND'S LADDER.

Alright so you're saying helping her was wrong?

She doesn't need your help, not at this point anyway. She's still his girlfriend and she's not leaving him by the looks of things. If she leaves him and actually needs your help, then since you're placing yourself so nicely on her friends ladder, I'm sure she'll ask you for it.

I should've just walked away while this guy was hurting a friend i care about and probably would've smashed the crap out of her later?
Is that what you're saying?

He can't be hurting her that badly if she stays with him now can she.. No question mark needed.


Like I surmised. You're assuming a role that she hasn't asked you to star in. Why don't you sit down and ask her how you can help her leave him and then come back and tell us what she tells you?

[crackjack72]

lol... just as I thought. You are her male girlfriend who she doesn't want to be with romantically (she has her abusive boyfriend for that).

Have you actually read this thread or are you simply stupid?
She wouldn't leave him because he was a threat to her which he no longer is because of the restraining order.

Have you ever stopped to think that if she was even worth having, that she'd not stay with an abusive prick?

Read the post above dummy.

You're not even in a competition never mind heading the pack. Carry on, young'un and learn the hard way. After googling White Knight Syndrome, google "Ladder Theory" and learn to keep yourself OFF the FRIEND'S LADDER.

I don't need to read about seduction because I'm not a brain dead moron.
Avoiding the friendzone is easy, all you have to do is let her know you're interested without being too obvious about it from the start and remind her once in a while.
I've never had trouble with women so please, keep your shitty love advices to yourself.

You really sound like a psycho bitch judging my relationship with this girl you never even meet.
What's the matter? Are you mad because i called your kind whores with daddy issues? Is that it?

[Starnique]

*sniffs*

I smell troll.

lmao right. He got his ass beat I'll bet.

[Wakeup]

Have you actually read this thread or are you simply stupid?
She wouldn't leave him because he was a threat to her which he no longer is because of the restraining order.

So she has left him then? You're free to make your move? Is that what you're saying.

Read the post above dummy.

Go get her if you can, douche

I don't need to read about seduction because I'm not a brain dead moron.

Seduction? No one is advising you to read about "seduction" you can "seduce" all you want, you'll still be who you are and she'll still be with her boyfriend (if she hasn't actually left him).

Avoiding the friendzone is easy, all you have to do is let her know you're interested without being too obvious about it from the start and remind her once in a while.

Yea, you've got it all figured out.

I've never had trouble with women so please, keep your shitty love advices to yourself.

Really? I'd think you'd not need to come to a "love forum" if that were the case but here you are. All cocky and sure of yourself.

You really sound like a psycho bitch judging my relationship with this girl you never even meet

and you sound like the second fiddle to some girl who is still with her boyfriend and causes you drama that she never asked you to be involved in. What's your point?

What's the matter? Are you mad because i called your kind whores with daddy issues? Is that it?

No, I'm just telling you what I see from your opening post: A dude with white knight syndrome that is attempting to try and rescue some chick who is with a boyfriend that she's too addicted to leave.

Since you don't like my advise may I suggest you go punch the crap out of him and learn some life lessons from the consequences of your actions.

I'm now her hero and the guy is behind bars until we go to court and testify against him.

Let us know if that actually ever happens. O.o Don't forget to tell us how she is still in contact with him through email/text/Skype because she feels bad for him and how that makes you feel disrespected.

*sniffs*

I smell troll.

mee tooo.. I always find it such a pleasure to do business with one.

[crackjack72]

Go get her if you can, douche

Patience, now isn't the right time.

Really? I'd think you'd not need to come to a "love forum" if that were the case but here you are. All cocky and sure of yourself.

I came here asking what i should do about this abusive dude, i never asked for love advices.
In fact, the only reason i came here is because this forum happened to be the most popular one.

and you sound like the second fiddle to some girl who is still with her boyfriend and causes you drama that she never asked you to be involved in. What's your point?

"To tell you the truth, our relationship is dying because he treats me badly and i can't break up with him cause he scares me."

If that's not a cry for help, i don't know what is.
Beside, she's glad i helped her get rid of him, maybe if you actually paid attention to this thread you'd know that.

No, I'm just telling you what I see from your opening post: A dude with white knight syndrome that is attempting to try and rescue some chick who is with a boyfriend that she's too addicted to leave.

Lemme fix that for you, "No, I'm just telling you what I see from your opening post: A dude trying to help a friend he cares about who is with a boyfriend that she's too afraid of to leave."

Since you don't like my advise may I suggest you go punch the crap out of him and learn some life lessons from the consequences of your actions.

Fighting is what people lacking intelligence do.
They aren't smart enough to defend themselves using words so they use their fists instead.
I have no interests fighting him, but if he tries to punch me or her I'll have no choice but to stoop to his level.

As much as i like making you look like a fool by proving times and times again you're incapable of reading at a 3th grade level, my problem has been solved and i have no interests being part of a community populated with half-brained barbie girls looking at themselves in the mirror all day long. Enjoy your pathetic lives filled with romantic disappointments playas.

[RobertWQ]

He doesn't have my number in fact, he doesn't even know my name.
Beside, everyone made a bad relationship choice at one time or another.
This guy was her first real boyfriend so, i wouldn't really blame her for staying with him.

I agree, it is a complicated situation but, it's gonna be worth it in the end.
I could've gave up and seduced some easy make up and high heels wearing whore instead but, i decided to go for the grand prize.
I know, I'm a very strange person but hey, i like challenges.
Seems like I'm the only guy looking for hidden treasures in the mud instead of going for the easy targets with daddy issues.

"The grand prize?"

Some chick who you don't even know very well who entered into and has stayed in a relationship with an abusive and violent person?

You have already been in one confrontation with this guy. What will happen during the next one? Will you prevail? What if you don't?


Is this a troll post?

[woody]

Dear Crackerjack72

Read your story and skimmed what others said. I'd say Matti__ had the most compassionate approach and offered good advice...

As far as what some others contributed, well, contrary to their opinion, I think your efforts were gallant; and at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how YOUR feeling about this girl..

Only you and her know the inner workings/feelings the two of you are sharing. Don't allow anything to deter you from this. Sounds like you already know this which just bodes more to your character.
Many of us have made some odd relationship choices; she got stuck with an a__hole and now, partially thanks to you, she feels she has backup and has taken steps to get this guy out of her life. Your a good friend. I think the other guys here just don't want you to get hurt or used. Fair enough; but it sounds like you and this young lady have a connection and for some reason, the Universe has put the two of you in each others lives.
Of course guard your heart as you would with anyone but don't stop shining on.

Just watch out for this other guy. If he hits ladies, imagine what he'll try to do to you.
If he's nuts, he'll strike back so keep that guard up....

In my opinion, you did the right thing. Good on you.

[smackie9]

My advice, stop getting involved in other people's drama because they will pull you into it, causing unnecessary bullshit in your life. This drama is happening in her life for a reason, because she makes poor choices, she lets it happen, and doesn't have the intelligence to get out of it when she should have, which makes her a loser. She chose to to be with an asshole, she didn't get "stuck" with one. And if she does finally gets rid of this dude, most likely she will end up with another one soon enough.

[Wakeup]

Dear Crackerjack72

Read your story and skimmed what others said. I'd say Matti__ had the most compassionate approach and offered good advice...

As far as what some others contributed, well, contrary to their opinion, I think your efforts were gallant; and at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how YOUR feeling about this girl..

This from someone who is often put on the friends ladder.

Only you and her know the inner workings/feelings the two of you are sharing. Don't allow anything to deter you from this. Sounds like you already know this which just bodes more to your character.

Codedpendent helping at it's finest.

Many of us have made some odd relationship choices; she got stuck with an a__hole and now, partially thanks to you, she feels she has backup and has taken steps to get this guy out of her life.

She did not "get stuck" she chose to be with him and didn't leave him on the first show of abuse. Victimhood collaboration at it's finest from you, Wood.

Your a good friend.

Really? You didn't read his post on how he took advantage of her vulnerability and how he manipulates her? O.o

I think the other guys here just don't want you to get hurt or used.

I don't give a flying eff what happens to him, I don't even know him. I'm giving an opinion on a troll like Opening Post in the hopes that people who think what he's doing is a good thing, people like you that obviously don't read the underlying dribble (like post #10 that gives us this OP's true selfish intent)

Fair enough; but it sounds like you and this young lady have a connection and for some reason, the Universe has put the two of you in each others lives
Of course guard your heart as you would with anyone but don't stop shining on.

Really? You forgot to tell him to pay close attention to the rainbow that's shooting out of his ass.

In my opinion, you did the right thing. Good on you.

You would.

From the OP: in post No. 10

All i can do for now is be her shoulder to cry on but, I'll make my move soon enough when the time is right.
You know, when she's gonna be weak and feel like no other man is ever gonna love her again.
It shouldn't take more than a week or two or sooner if some other guy notice she's an easy target right now.

Hell yeah, that's the good stuff.
[b]Looks like I've found my game again after losing it for years.
It's all about strategy and manipulation.

I'd like to thank you all for pointing me toward the light.

I don't think this is sarcasm.

[Mattiemae]

The thing is really you can insult him all you want too, but how is that really helping matters! Just saying! Some of you people are quite brutal with how you advise people. Whether some of your points may be correct, really it's kind of like "HI! I need some advice! Arrows shoot across the sky and injure him. While he's lying on the ground with arrows sticking out of his chest, and you hold him down with your foot on his chest, you're not the enemy son! But We had to shoot you anyway! Listen to our advice now! lol

[crackjack72]

I don't think this is sarcasm.

Correct, it wasn't sarcastic.
Whether you like it or not, us men all have a game when it comes to love.

My game involves being a lot nicer than i would normally be while trying my hardest to make her laugh, being a great listener and romantic alpha male.
I'm already all of those things so, it really isn't manipulation, I'd rather call it improving my success rate by trying my hardest.
Complimenting her once in a while doesn't hurt either.

Basically the idea is, you want her to become addicted to you by being the overall best and nicest guy she has ever met.
It's a bit tricky but if you do it right, she's never gonna want to be away from you and that's precisely when you gotta come clean and tell her you're in love.

Everybody win, i get the girl i want and she ends up with a guy treating her like a queen.