Help me help my friend - abusive relationship

[IndiReloaded]

Well done on your part (and hers). I wish I could influence my friend to the same degree. She has the info now at least.

I'm not sure I'm as strong as you. I'm a student, too (with a heavy workload for one, and abroad to top it all off, leaving me with little time for confrontation). Mental strength is there perhaps, but that's of little importance in this situation.

Well, at some level we all choose our own hell. I like to think that mbe, just mbe I helped avoid something like the following: (BlueSum knows what's coming)

Mbe send the link to your friend telling her retard of a partner seems like the same pysch type:

[url]http://www.nationalpost.com/most_popular/story.html?id=426898[/url]

It was the father, BTW. A local tracker just caught him.

[url]http://www.canada.com/edmontonjournal/news/story.html?id=60747eb7-72ec-4f9e-a29c-98240aa6ee65[/url]

[Gigabitch]

And this is why I believe that guys like that should just be put down humanely, like a rabid dog, before they murder their kids.

[AnotherPoster]

Well, at some level we all choose our own hell. I like to think that mbe, just mbe I helped avoid something like the following: (BlueSum knows what's coming)

Mbe send the link to your friend

I'll be sure to do that, thanks.

Bloody hell. We may all choose our own hell at times, but being self-destructive to the point of putting others at risk is vile.
I'm mad at her now. Very, very mad.

And this is why I believe that guys like that should just be put down humanely, like a rabid dog, before they murder their kids.

And this is why I agree with you.

Sadly, another woman I know went through a similar experience. Her circumstances were different, however, and she did everything she could to escape the scum. The divorce was very problematic and dragged out due to his connections in court (goes to show how corrupt the judicial system is). He killed one of her babies.

[Eros88]

wat !!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure if it's within the realm of possibility to do so.
Another sad case of "woman who allows her scum of a partner to treat her badly due to insecurities and lack of self esteem". Her boyfriend is abusive, yet she repeatedly keeps going back to him because she fears being alone. She acknowledges this.


Is there anything that can be done in this unfortunate situation? Can I even help somehow?

I don't want to see her wither away. How someone so intelligent can be so stupid is beyond me. (And we all hold intelligence in such high esteem. More power to the Forrest Gumps out there)


What to do? How can I reach out to a person who already grasps everything I will use as a counterargument?

Argh, I'm losing it here. Why? "Because I don't want to be alone".
"You don't have to be", I say. "You know plenty of men, plenty of nice men, and the meat market holds some real treasures yet to be discovered. You're not allowing yourself to discover them. He doesn't love you. He loves controlling you. You are wasting precious time with this ****er, time that could be spent with someone who will make you feel good, feel that you are never alone, and most importantly, treat you well. My boyfriend would never lay a hand on me, no matter how provoked, no matter how infuriated, and every boyfriend/girlfriend should have this by default. Yours should. You need to NC this sick being right now."

To no avail. She knows all of the above. Nothing she hasn't heard a million times. The fact that he is generous in bed somehow seems to be a legitimate reason to stick around. FFS.


*frustrated scream* I pity the foo'

Rant over.

A suggestion or two would be much appreciated. How do I approach this as a friend?

[Only-virgins]

The fact that he is generous in bed somehow seems to be a legitimate reason to stick around. FFS.

Who the hell isn't?

And I would certainly think that being kicked, punched and having bones broken on a regular basis qualifies as terrible abuse.
It's far worse than I'm letting on, because I'm under a bout of secrecy. Yes, bout.

No offense to this "thoughtful" and "great" woman and all but if she lets the guy treat her this way in a way she deserves to be treated that way. Broken bones? shit that calls for the cops and a good felony in my opinion. Broken bones usually aren't justified by such an excuse like "he is generous in bed"...that isn't a reason but a pathetic lie and excuse. I also bet he is a piece of shit in bed.

Women like her just PISS ME OFF. There's nothing so disgusting as a professional victim.

That is the best shit I have read all day.

[GrkScorp]

She knows all of the above. Nothing she hasn't heard a million times. The fact that he is generous in bed somehow seems to be a legitimate reason to stick around.

Ahh.., the power of cock.., a good dicking is all it takes for some women to be stuck on a man like super-glue was holding them together.. And based on everything you said.., there's your answer..

Cause/reasons/why?

You've said so yourself.., your friend is insecure.., low self-esteem.., doesn't feel worthy or think she is able to attract an other man into her life.., and if so.., does not believe she will find the same sexual satisfaction with an other man.., In effect.., she believes that the benefits she enjoys in this relationship are far greater than any costs she must endure.., compared to the costs she must endure when outside a relationship.., and she has also convinced herself that there will be very little benefit awaiting her when she leaves the relationship.. so she finds herself trapped..

- Does not feel attractive enough (from other men)
- Does not feel worthy/useful enough (from other men)
- Does not feel sexy enough (from other men)
- Does not think she is able to sexually satisfy an other man
- Does not feel she can receive the same sexual satisfaction if she leaves him

(Notice.., he both feeds and comforts each insecurity that holds her trapped to him)

A suggestion or two would be much appreciated. How do I approach this as a friend?

Oh gosh.. so many ways.. take your pick..

First.., as a friend.., you can BFD the guy.., (for more information on this.., google BFD or Boyfriend Destruction)..

Then.., you can actually throw in guys into her life.., it's one thing to tell her about all these great guys.., and it's one thing to have one of these great guys just come into her life.., let her see not only that she's worthy of love from other guys.., but also that guys find her sexually attractive.., and heck.., leave the two alone.., and nobody has to know what never happened between the two of them

This is coupled with BFD-ing.., notice how a good BFD will remind a girl just how unhappy she is with her BF.., how he's a wimp.., or not that attractive.., or jealous.., or insensitive.., or doesn't appreciate what she does.., or doesn't really love her now that she thinks about it.. or is controlling.., or doesn't let her live her life.., etc.. That's good.., but to seal the deal.., throw in this new guy.., who shows her that HEY.., not only is your BF not all that.., but here's a guy who actually IS all that..

You can throw in the question of ethics here.., but honestly.., it's HER choice.., and a choice based on the truth.., based on who her BF really is.., and who this new guy really is.., what is wrong with it exactly then? Nothing..

A word on negotiations:

- Being indirect is always better than being direct.., and allowing for one to make their mind up on their own.., to feel as if they are making a personal choice out of their own free will is better than trying to force or impose the choice you would like them to make onto them.., that will only get you resistance..

Example: Wanting to make your partner lose weight.

Direct: Get your fat ass off that couch.., stop eating that crap.., and start working out to get in shape.., it's hard to be hard with you looking like that..

Indirect: Hey sweetie.., what are you doing? What are you eating? Looks good.., can't have any though.., don't want to look like that girl from tubgirl.., i'm just kidding.., but I just want to get in shape now that summer is comming.., muahh.., just want to look good for you.. Mmm.., wow.., I didn't tell you.., did you see the cover of Maxim this month? They were showing her on TV before.., they were talking about what to wear to show off your hips, tummy, and waist this summer.., and they had her there to be like some kind of authority.. even though the other girls on the show had a much better stomach & hips than she did.. anyway.., i'll be back.., i'm going out to run for a little bit.., you wanna come?

Persuasion.., sometimes.., to sell something.., you must remind people of the truth.., and sometimes.., the truth hurts.., it hits and plays on our insecurities.., but the reason they're insecurities is because something is not complete.., something is missing.., and we know it.., we may try and deny it to ourselves.., but we're not completely comfortable with it.., and when reminded of it in an artfully subtle and indirect manner.., the feeling it creates inside of us can motivate us to take action(s) we would otherwise have been unwilling to take before..

Hopefully.., you'll find a way to put the puzzle together.., and help your friend find her way out of this mess.., you can't force her.., so you have to find a way to do a good job of making her want to come out of it herself..

Best,

GrkScorp