Why???

[Breezy18]

Hey, no problem Screwed, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the post. It was NOT my intention. Just trying to give you a different perspective on the matter. But no worries.

[Pods]

well in answer to your question, it could be that a lot of guys dont care about personality etc and just go for the looks. im not saying all guys do this, i like to think that i don't.

[BillyGalbreath]

There's also the question why do guys with so much potential(cute,decent.nice non-cheaters,etc.) go out with girls that in the end make them suffer?I can't understand that too...

I'd like to know the answer to that ! Geesus, every girl I ever been with has made me suffer....

[Bonovox40]

[url]http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17008[/url]

Read this for some clarification on the "nice guy vs. jerk" phenomenon.

And yes, being a nice guy CAN suck because we give that appearance as needy, and boring but if you check out some of my posts about camp and such and the girl i'm with now, you can see that we ARE capable of stirring up insane amounts of passion and desire. It's in your head that you believe a "real man" is one who doesn't give a rat's @ss about you and only cares about himself, only using you enough to satisfy his own needs while you "hope" he will see the light some day and change for you. The sad reality is if you met a "real man" who actually DID change for you... you wouldn't want him after. The dream, the chase would be over.

Once you tire of being hurt, and playing these games and start looking for a match who WANTS and VALUES who YOU are, then maybe you'll start being happy with what you can find. Everyone loves the thrill of the hunt, but there's a time to play and at some point, it's time to stop the silly games and think about your heart.

Does a "bad boy" mean that he's a real man? Of course not. There's guys riding Harley's that go home to their mommas every night. Does being a "nice guy" mean you're a wuss? Of course not. There's guys like me who would take a bullet to save someone they love. Is that being a pu$sy? It's all about the individual. We get so suckered into outward personas that we fail to see what's really inside until we're so beat up over issues that we just don't care anymore. The real thing is to just find someone who is confident to be themselves, and accepting of who you are. The inherint flaw is that we always want to CHANGE each other/or ourselves in ways to satisfy someone else, thus we end up being control freaks/wusses.

So women, if you want "bad boys", enjoy. But realize that their attitude and frustration will most likely rub off on you. You won't change anyone so realize that the way he treats you now, is the way he will treat you later more or less. And guys, if you want "bombshell blondes", then don't expect them to act beyond what the exude in public with you. If they do the "like, oh my God! I can't believe she's wearing THAT!" talk and behavior, don't expect when you throw on the charm that they'll start talking about deep feelings and how their goals include self-discovery and a more profound understanding of the human psyche structure.

But that's not to say that SOME people might pull of both sides. It's just unrealistic that it would be a common thing to believe, but we fail to see that and end up dating jerks, skanks, ho's, a$sholes etc. and then bitch about why everyone is two-faced and it's unfair.

Just find someone who is just REAL and doesn't pretend to be something they're not. Accept them for what they are. If their reality matches yours, give it a shot. You probably will have a better time then hoping for your fantasy to become a reality. Remember that everyone is out to get what they want first and foremost. (even if you WANT to make others happy, it's inherint that YOU come first, your brain will ALWAYS plant that seed in your subconscious) People will not change for you UNLESS it fits their needs. (which is usually only the case with people with issues: clingy, needy, obsessive, wussy, desperate)
But just because someone openely GIVES you affection, love, trust...doesn't mean they have issues. They could be strong enough to give you something of yourself because they are prepared to face the risks sharing those great traits of a relationship.

So just trust yourself AND your experiences. So women, if you're tired of dating jerks...then DON'T! They usually all follow specific patterns of behavior. Same with men. Tired of being cheated on, used, hurt by women who use you to chain date? Then look for the red flags and WALK AWAY. Why put up with it if you don't have to? Just because there isn't someone at this very moment that fits your life, doesn't mean you have to date to just date. Sometimes taking the time to find someone who FITS, makes up for all the time in the world.
Just trust yourself and don't settle for what you don't really want inside.

Ok, enough post-filling for one topic from me. :-P

[eyesoulatedMIND]

Amen to that Bonovox40.... I agree...

[BBC1]

Bonovox40,


........And yes, being a nice guy CAN suck because we give that appearance as needy, and boring
........The sad reality is if you met a "real man" who actually DID change for you... you wouldn't want him after. The dream, the chase would be over.
........Does a "bad boy" mean that he's a real man? Of course not.


The thing is "bad boy" type is hundreds years old. All this time women have been attracted to "functional" men. Men with a purpose for women.
Those who can protect them (by tearing enemy's throat, or maybe neighbour's throat if he is bad enough).

Let's think why women attracted to "bad guys"? Somebody taught them? showed them? Unlikely. It is subconscious, inherited thing.
So a "bad boy" subconsciously means a real man for her, cuz it seems he can easily get aggressive enough to tear any number of throats and protect her in that bloody way....

Does it make sense now? Of course not. No conscious sense at all.
But subconsciously it does make sense, cuz it is built in everyone.


.....Just find someone who is just REAL and doesn't pretend to be something they're not. Accept them for what they are.



How can we accept sombody who's got no good chemistry?
And chemistry is something we cant explain it is beyond our brains, beyond
"think" and "accept".

Besides "bad boys" there is a social trend to go for the best. We do not rush to the aisle with oatmeals just cuz we know it is healthy. Only if somebody put lots of suger in cereal, well, then we'll buy it. And we tend to buy meat, cheese and wine, insteda of all healthy foods. Why? It is tasty!
So the answer is: immediate gratification. It is tasty _now_ and people tend not to care what'll happen after some years.

The same idea with men and women, it's like an auction. Who's the best "bad" guy? Subconsciously all women are attracted to him. Want him! Though she may say "no, no not at all". And no woman can change that in a one life term. They were, are and will be attracted to "bad guys".
And no amount of thinking or words can change how she feels about him.

I guess now we may realize that the real question is what to do with it.
How to get those good features of a "bad guy"?
He doesnt care much? So, how to teach ourselves not to care much emotionally?

[Screwed_Guy]

True... so damn true. I guess when I think about it all, my question is no longer "why are girls attracted to assholes?" My question has taken a complete turn in the opposite direction. Why is it that so many people think that when you say "nice guy" they think you are talking about wussy, emotional, crybabies? Just because your nice, doesn't mean your not a real man. Also it brings up the question of why there are those that believe that being an asshole, means that you are a "real man".... I had no idea until right now that to be a real man, you had to be a asshole... its a sad, sad world when this is the accepted view of men...

[Prodigal]

True... so damn true. I guess when I think about it all, my question is no longer "why are girls attracted to assholes?" My question has taken a complete turn in the opposite direction. Why is it that so many people think that when you say "nice guy" they think you are talking about wussy, emotional, crybabies? Just because your nice, doesn't mean your not a real man. Also it brings up the question of why there are those that believe that being an asshole, means that you are a "real man".... I had no idea until right now that to be a real man, you had to be a asshole... its a sad, sad world when this is the accepted view of men...

Maybe the answer lies within yourself. Ask yourself what you think classifies a male as a 'real man'. Or maybe you might want to ask some women the same question, to get a female's point of view. Ask them what they think a 'real man' is.

As a guy who wonders about this, I guess the answer is just masculinity. Unfortunately, masculinity is found more commonly in these asshole guys. Masculinity can probably be seen as the things that women complain about in men much of the time: how they seem to get angry easily, how they don't seem to be able to see details, how they like to compete with their friends and acquaintances. This could be seen as being overwilling to fight to protect, and striving to be the best. ...Hell, I don't know.

As for this being a sad world because of this accepted view of men... I agree completely. It's why I feel I don't belong in this corrupted world.

[BBC1]

Prodigal,

.........Or maybe you might want to ask some women the same question, to get a female's point of view. Ask them what they think a 'real man' is.

I'd not advise you to do so. Do not ask women what they think.
They'll never tell you the how they actaully feel or think, bcz most of women are afraid to be rude, i.e. admit that "bad guys" are attractive.
Women want to be nice

As a guy who wonders about this, I guess the answer is just masculinity. Unfortunately, masculinity is found more commonly in these asshole guys. Masculinity can probably be seen as the things that women complain about in men much of the time: how they seem to get angry easily, how they don't seem to be able to see details, how they like to compete with their friends and acquaintances. This could be seen as being overwilling to fight to protect, and striving to be the best. ...Hell, I don't know.

Hell, that's right - you do know already

......As for this being a sad world because of this accepted view of men... I agree completely. It's why I feel I don't belong in this corrupted world.

I kinda question both things: it has to do way more with the _accepted view_ of women, not men. Men who are friends dont really care how masculine their friends. And usually men do not care much about men who are not their friends. Yeah it is true men are more competitve, but you'll feel ok if you do not compete in mostly male competitions: who can run faster,
who can drive faster, or who's got bigger muscles.

It is women who care about, who impose their views to men. Why? They
follow their subconscious mind. Their program of survival, survival of their kids.
Basically they are saying: Man, if you want to get a woman you have to be this and that. And this is powerful stimulus.

Can you run away from this world? Yes, you can if you find an uninhabited
island and stay there. Otherwise you have to accpet to some extent the rules of this corrpted world.

[BBC1]

Screwed_Guy,

..........Why is it that so many people think that when you say "nice guy" they think you are talking about wussy, emotional, crybabies?


Mostly these people are women. And women want you to be a protector, the man who can withstand, stand up to other man attacks. In order to do so
you have to be able to lose you niceness & politeness and _show_ her that you are able easily cut sombody's throat if there is a reason to do so.

If you are nice, politeness will hold you, you'll say "Excuse me", "sorry" and smile like it was your fault. Women want to be like this, but they want you to be the complete opposite of this.

[BBC1]

......... Geesus, every girl I ever been with has made me suffer....

BillyGalbreath,

Seems you are straightforward, if you dont like something you'll
say and act accordingly. So why would you suffer at all?

[Screwed_Guy]

So are you trying to say that we should all become assholes? At this point I'm very close to saying that if I wanna get ahead in life, it's my only option. Never thought I'd hear myself say that.

[BillyGalbreath]

Man **** YOU !!!

crap... now I feel bad... I hate trying to be an asshole - it makes me feel like , well... such an asshole...

[BBC1]

So are you trying to say that we should all become assholes?

Screwed_Guy,

Not really. By saying "asshole" we lump together a bunch of things:
good and bad ones.

Surely we may want to develop only good ones. I guess one of the main feature of bad guys is ability not to care much what she thinks\says and do as he wants to do. It really gives an impression of confidence that women crave so much.

So if you want somehting go for it and dont listen to her too much. Simply ignore her if she is ticked off. Of course she may show some unpleasant emotions and even tell you "you have to listen to me", but overall you'll gain some strong points cuz 1) you showed her what you really want 2) you showed her your confidence by showing persistence in what you wanted to get 3) you showed her your ability to be calm, cool, bite the bullet and do what you want despite her trying to distract you.
Of course later she'll never mentioned why, but may say that you are cool

[BBC1]

..I hate trying to be an asshole - it makes me feel like , well... such an asshole...

BillyGalbreath,

If you feel so, you have reach your equilibrium state, guess you dont need
to try to be an asshole. IMHO you already got what you may need to show her, in other words you are bad enough (from what you are saying)