He's a 23 year old Virgin

[Mish]

Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.

You're probably the only one who can answer these questions. You know him better than any of us. Yeh, he sounds a bit strange, but this day and age who doesn't? Give it more time, relax, there's no rush, see where it goes.

[Lipp]

Meh, I'm 20 and the one time I had an actual girlfriend was in kindergarten. I move around quite alot, I don't hit on girls just because they are "good enough" and it's not too often that I find one that I really like.

Do I give a damn? No. Everyone seems so stressed out about it, it's like 9th grade all over again.

[johnny85]

I'm 22, and still a virgin, so I guess I can relate to him.
I'd say you should give him a chance, and be tolerant.

Being in "his situation" myself (although I have never even kissed anyone), he has a great deal of self control not trying to get in your pants all in the beginning. I think that shows how much he actually likes you, and that he wants you not just for your body, but actually for you, your company and your thoghts. So bear with him for being a little hesitant when it comes to intimacy.

However, you could try having this talk with him also, and not just on an internet forum. Since I think we have established that he really is into you, he won't run if you try suggesting that you, slowly, become more and more intimate.

I think he's a keeper.

[FallenAngel444]

I'm starting to wonder if I'm being too uptight with him.

He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.

For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.

[Cain]

Stop being so insecure. You don't ALWAYS have to hang out with him and his friends.

Especially if there's no commitment.

[shh!]

It doesn't sound to me like she is bothered about his virginity status, but rather that she is worried he has intimacy issues. I don't blame her... he seems to be giving off conflicting messages which can't be explained by fear of inadequacy... after all, she's been giving him the go-ahead signal for several months.

afhopie - I think you should ask him flat out if you are his girlfriend or not. Tell him you are interested (if you are), and that you want to know if you are wasting your time. If he says you ARE (wasting time), believe him. Despite what all these defensive virgin guys are saying, they would have been all over a girl that was interested. Something just doesn't add up.

[Only-virgins]

It doesn't sound to me like she is bothered about his virginity status, but rather that she is worried he has intimacy issues. I don't blame her... he seems to be giving off conflicting messages which can't be explained by fear of inadequacy... after all, she's been giving him the go-ahead signal for several months.

afhopie - I think you should ask him flat out if you are his girlfriend or not. Tell him you are interested (if you are), and that you want to know if you are wasting your time. If he says you ARE (wasting time), believe him. Despite what all these defensive virgin guys are saying, they would have been all over a girl that was interested. Something just doesn't add up.

Yep, you might be fat and he is just grossed out lolz.

[Only-virgins]

I'm starting to wonder if I'm being too uptight with him.

He sometimes texts me and gives me one word answers, but other times he'll carry on a full convo. Sometimes he'll call me babe or boo but not all the time. And it seems like when he doesn't do the nice things it kidna makes me dissapointed or instantly think something is wrong.

For example - i asked if he was not working tomorrow and he said he's not. So I said "Okay I got dibbs on you!" And he said "okay, it might have to be later on." So right away I thought okay he's going out with his friends or another girl and doesn't want me to come along. Why doesn't he want me to come along? I'm usually not insecure with guys but he makes me very insecure. Mainly because I don't have an actual commitment from him which is kind of what I want. I'm willing to stick it out a little bit longer because I do really like him. But anyways, I asked him how late and he said i dont know. Then I asked him if he was mad or something and he said no. And I'm sitting here wondering why he's giving me these one word answers. So then I asked him if we were definitely doing something or not because if not I was goign to make other plans. And he said I guess but what are your other plans? And I got upset that he said " i guess" and started to feel like he's hanging out with me out of pity or something.

Maybe he just has shit to do, jebus you sound like a pain in the ass.

[Darkest Heaven]

Whatever you do, don't use him.

[damn2008]

Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Let's say you do become committed and become bf/gf. The whole intimacy and sexual relationship is UNKNOWN to him and people typically are nervous and fear what is unknown to them, especially considering that I am assuming you have MUCH MORE experience than he does.

So that somewhat intimidates him because he feel he can't measure up to that and needs guidance. It can be a little embaressing but at least he was MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT ALL.

I think one very important thing in relationships is "comfort", comfortable being with one another and being yourself with one another. If you feel good about this, go for it and see if you can get a committment out of him, he was very honest about his lack of experience and I think thats something really honest for a guy to admit. If you do become committed I'm sure the comfort between you two will come and you can help guide him along the way so he learns the ropes. It might be awkward but it may pay off big time for you both.

It's because it is foreign territory that it is uncomfortable to him and thats why he doesn't actively seek it out, he doesn't want to disappoint you or embaress himself.

Give him a shot if you want, work on the intimacy, if you see improvement...keep going...it might turn out for the best.

You have to be the teacher for him, but eventually he should get it.

[shh!]

I'm not sure why everyone assumes he doesn't have issues with a low sex drive, because that is what I am thinking.. either that, or maybe he is religious.


There! I said it.

[michzel creativ]

I think he' s a great man...and she love's you! Maybe if he's going to do that thing O+ he will be embarrass you might say " is that the best thing you can DO!" oh... its a big insult..for a man.

[NanetteG]

I think it's wonderful that you've attracted a nice guy who is there for you when you need help and comforting.
I think you definitely deserve a guy who will treat you well AND want to kiss you and get intimate with you.
Why not keep this guy as a friend. If he's not interested in you in 'that way', certainly he'll understand that you want more.

I always say to start out as friends and no matter what happens you can always stay friends if you both agree on that arrangement.

Remember, you can have it all. You just have to be crystal clear on what it is you DO want. Good Luck.

[Gigabitch]

The fact that he's a virgin is really just a minor detail. There are other things going on here, like the fact that he gets "weird" when talking about a relationship.

Sorry to sound like a cliche, but are you sure this guy's not a homo?

[PussyCatDoll]

maybe he's one of those guys who is just not affectionante?

i think he's kind of sweet. maybe a bit too sweet for you? it's not what your used too?

f.y.i there is nothing wrong with him begin a 23 year old virgin. i'm guessing my bfs gona end up being a 23 year old virgin too.

some of my best guy friends are in there 20s an virgins.