My new life... Still need advice!

[rest77]

Regardless of the fact that her family was on your side during the breakup with your ex. Lets use some common sense here, how on earth do you think a relationship with your SIL is ever going to work?

Aren't there any other girls out there besides your SIL?

Have you forgotten the fact that they are sisters and they always would be. Is not like they are just friends or best friends. The only person who is going to get hurt in this awkward relationship is You.

[ExhaustedSoul]

My ex has multiple mental disorders and she had left me for somebody else (several times) and when she came back last time, I didn't take her back! (for the Nth time!!!) . The only person who did not love me in her family was her. The breakup was not because I didn't like her or I was the one cheating, I just couldn't take it anymore; I had tried every possible way to make that relationship work for years. Endless hours of therapy, medications and every effort known to mankind never did us any good! Last time she slept with my friend and she started dating somebody new the very first day we broke up (maybe before that even)! She had even tried to sleep with my brother for godsake (Yes, when we were engaged!!!)...

I don't know how it might work, it seems nearly impossible but at the same time, if I don't try, I will regret it for the rest of my life. My ex has already torn my life apart, she had abused me in every possible way and now, assuming everyone's right, I should stop myself from trying to win somebody who I really deserve to be with just because her sister had made my life hell.

Of course there are 3 billion other girls out there! But knowing her for years and seeing her in all kind of situations have made me gone crazy about her! They say the heart wants what the heart wants, I just can't take my mind off her...

For me, she is the complete package in every aspect, physical & mental! That's really rare & the reason I am willing to try this awkward relationship...

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She really had every reason to be shocked on Valentine's day! I had not told her about my feelings before that, I arranged a fake business meeting so she didn't know about it (we work at the same company) to make it a complete surprise. I had also bought her something I knew she had her mind on for a long time! So yes, after we kissed goodbye that night, she told me nobody had ever done something that beautiful for her!

What she got me the day after as present, was an elite club membership, along with a membership with same schedule for herself!

Also my ex is more physically appealing and also much younger than the SIL so it's not about physical attraction, I love everything about my SIL as whole...

[basilandthyme]

You can give all the rationale in the world, but it doesn't change the fact that this will end in a trainwreck. Are you really wanting to be the wedge which drives this family apart? Because this will be the result of your choices.

[ExhaustedSoul]

Ok, assuming everyone's right & it will be trainwreck! But does she love me back?

[rest77]

Last time she slept with my friend and she started dating somebody new the very first day we broke up (maybe before that even)! She had even tried to sleep with my brother for godsake (Yes, when we were engaged!!!)...

I should stop myself from trying to win somebody who I really deserve to be with just because her sister had made my life hell.

Of course there are 3 billion other girls out there! But knowing her for years and seeing her in all kind of situations have made me gone crazy about her! They say the heart wants what the heart wants, I just can't take my mind off her...- - - Updated - - -

She slept with your friend and started dating someone else after the breakup. Now that sounds even more smarter to me than her having to start dating your brother after breaking up with you.

She has even tried to sleep with your brother "For god sake" as you stated. But, sad enough You are now the one trying to kiss, date and sleep with her sister. ( I already see you acting like your ex GF ).

How often do you hear of people trying to win the heart of the sister of their ex girlfriend or their SIL?

Sure, you just can't take your mind off her...,But not until she takes her mind off You!

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Ok, assuming everyone's right & it will be trainwreck! But does she love me back?

Bingo! That's where your love is blind.

[ExhaustedSoul]

Still no answer to my original question!!!

[basilandthyme]

Sometimes I think she's afraid about the future, about her family finding out & my ex blaming her for our break-up but I am not sure if that's the only case and how can I make her feel ok about it...

You want an answer to your original question? Here it is:

IF she does like you, the things she's worried about WILL happen. There is no way to make her feel OK about it because it won't be OK. If you manage to persuade her into it, it will be a trainwreck, it will destroy her relationship with her family and you will be the cause.

You wanting her to make a choice that will destroy her relationship with her family only shows what a self centred individual you are. If you cared for her half as much as you say you do, you'd do the selfless thing and walk away. But you won't will you; because this is all about YOU and what YOU want. Her needs for strong family ties mean nothing to you whatsoever.

Perhaps you can manipulate her into thinking her concerns aren't valid. But when this whole thing goes bad and she starts to really hate you, you'll have only yourself to blame.

I suggest you aim to be be remembered fondly as the boy things wouldn't work out...rather than be remembered as the selfish bastard who talked her in to fvcking up her family.

There you go. A real answer.

[HeartIsAching]

Still no answer to my original question!!!

PLENTY of answers to your original question, just an OP who's not out for answers, that just wants validation of the ideas he already has in his head.

[smackie9]

Why not just grow some balls and tell your ex all about what has been going on and that you have intentions of dating her sister. Go ahead and tell her that you have fallen madly in love with her sister and you will stop at nothing to make it happen. If you get it all out in the open this will help your love get over her fear of commitment because you have taken care of it.

There is that the answer you are looking for?

[ExhaustedSoul]

Ok! The strangest thing happened the other day!
I ran into my ex, we had a little chat to catch up then she proposed something I never expected! She told me that she has moved on but she thinks that her sister and I are perfect match! She told me that she wants us to be happy and she wants me to make a move before it is too late.

I tried to avoid the conversation but she said: "Screw what everyone might think about you, if you feel how I think, just go for it as I can say she also likes you a lot. You two have my complete blessing if you want to have a relationship with each other, also you will be a part of my family again! I have hurt you more than anybody, I just want you to be happy."

I never intended to break her relation with her family, I love her family, I would never want to hurt them, I never even told them that my ex cheated on me, my ex did herself!

I just want to know if she feels the way I feel since I really think I can convince her family to get on this train... Now that my ex seems to be fine about it, I just need her to love me back, that's all!

What do you think???

[ExhaustedSoul]

Am I still a selfish bastard if I want her???

[surfhb2]

......now that you've just made up a complete line of bullshit, tell us what really happened? Lol

[ExhaustedSoul]

Dude you really are a troll!

I just couldn't believe it myself! I don't know how sincere she was but she seemed pretty ok and she mentioned it without me saying anything!

[HeartIsAching]

Dude you really are a troll!

I just couldn't believe it myself! I don't know how sincere she was but she seemed pretty ok and she mentioned it without me saying anything!

Heh... he's not the troll.

[smackie9]

Ok! The strangest thing happened the other day!
I ran into my ex, we had a little chat to catch up then she proposed something I never expected! She told me that she has moved on but she thinks that her sister and I are perfect match! She told me that she wants us to be happy and she wants me to make a move before it is too late.

I tried to avoid the conversation but she said: "Screw what everyone might think about you, if you feel how I think, just go for it as I can say she also likes you a lot. You two have my complete blessing if you want to have a relationship with each other, also you will be a part of my family again! I have hurt you more than anybody, I just want you to be happy."

I never intended to break her relation with her family, I love her family, I would never want to hurt them, I never even told them that my ex cheated on me, my ex did herself!

I just want to know if she feels the way I feel since I really think I can convince her family to get on this train... Now that my ex seems to be fine about it, I just need her to love me back, that's all!

What do you think???

You have no balls. Why didn't you just tell her the truth (this makes me think this is the underlying issue in your previous relationship). Are you that stupid? It's obvious her sister has been talking to her about it. Pick up the phone and make that call. But don't tell her you love her, you need to establish a committed relationship with her first or you will scare her off. Good god you must have OCD, calm down and grow up you are not 13. Handle this with good communication, and stop looking down at your feet when you should be speaking up.