Fiance cheated with prostitute in amsterdam

[HeartIsAching]

It's more about comfort and familiarity than love.

[searock3]

Lovely. He'll be an outcast now that he's ratted them out too.

There is one consolation here albeit a small one, it's the fact that he does feel guilt. If he didn't, then the chances of him doing it again would be far greater. For example: Searock3 (post #3) would be far more likely to cheat again then would your fiance.

I wouldnt have cheated in the first place, therefore, i wouldnt get the chance to "cheat again". Im a twat, not a cheater.

[dilema]

Yes I've asked him why he did it, he just says he was really drunk and he doesn't know what he was thinking. We've been together since we were 18 and I'm the only person he's ever had sex with, I'm not sure if that has something to do with it?

[Wakeup]

Wow... first serious post I've ever seen from you .. Hewhoiscurrentlyknownassearock3 BTW: I didn't say you were a cheater.. what I meant was that if you have an attitude that you'd not tell after doing what he did, then you'd suffer no consequences for the piss-poor behaviour and you'd likely reoffend because of the lack of having to face any negative consequences.

[searock3]

Yeah, my point was, if someone has the low moral to cheat on their gf, why do they suddenly develop a conscience after the deed is done? It doesnt undo what they have done, it just causes a shit storm. Just because he has confessed, that doesnt automatically mean that he wont do it again, the next time he is "drunk".

[dilema]

Yeah, my point was, if someone has the low moral to cheat on their gf, why do they suddenly develop a conscience after the deed is done? It doesnt undo what they have done, it just causes a shit storm. Just because he has confessed, that doesnt automatically mean that he wont do it again, the next time he is "drunk".

I know I've told him it doesn't matter what he says now it's not going to change the fact that he's done it. I suppose it's better that he told me though than if I'd never known.

[searock3]

It's not really better, because sometimes ignorance is bliss. Now, not only do you know your man has cheated on you, you now know he isnt even smart enough to cover it up to save you getting hurt. Add to that the fact he has grassed all his friends, and it doesnt look good for him. ALL men cheat in Amsterdam, only the weak, confess when they get home.

[Wakeup]

If all men cheat when they go to Amsterdam then just by booking the flight you've confessed.

BTW: Guilt and facing consequences of our actions is a deterrent. Hiding the truth of our bad behaviour, is not.

[searock3]

If all men cheat when they go to Amsterdam then just by booking the flight you've confessed.

Not really. All women dont know that all men cheat when they go. I've just told you all. My bad. I say all men, but really i mean about 90% or so. One of my friends for example said he done the deed, but when he got in there, he just sat on the bed for 20 minutes, just to not look like a twat. I was single when i went,so i had a ball, guilt free.

[Wakeup]

It's well know that sex and the weed cafe's are what the draw to Amersterdam is. I'm surprised Op and the other women were'nt clued in.

[IndiReloaded]

The only thing that matters are your own values. Don't compromise on the issue. Is this a dealbreaker or not?

Could you forgive a drunken kiss? I bet yes. This is different, isn't it?

I think HIA summed it up. He doesn't trust or respect you. His reasons notwithstanding, that is the truth of him. Question is (again), what is the truth of YOU?

There are other men who won't cheat and won't blame it on alcohol. He's adding insult to injury by not owning what happened. If you forgive him, he will only do it again, perhaps smarter so you never find out. This is a growth experience for you, to develop your self-respect. If I were you, I'd break up with him. If you get back together *at some point* if he has an epiphany, great. But you need to see other guys, who don't do this kind of thing. He needs to learn he can't treat self-respecting partners this way. Consider: you might be doing his next GF a service kicking him to the curb.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

Just playing devils advocate here but: I'm thinking all doing that ^^^ will do is teach him to not tell the truth. Sad way to look at things, but thats how too many people react to being punished for in their mind, telling the truth.

"The truth? You can't handle the truth." *said in my best Jack Nicholson voice*

[dilema]

Yes I could forgive a drunken kiss. This is different because it's not just some girl he met when he was drunk its the fact that he's actually gone and paid for it.

I said I didn't mind him going to amsterdam, I know it's all about sex and drugs. I wouldn't have minded if he'd just gone to strip clubs or whatever. The thing is I trusted him and he's made me feel like an idiot. I still love him though and I know I sound stupid saying that!

If I do give him another chance does that make me weak? If I do end it for good how do I deal with all his crying because it makes me feel bad and I end up feeling sorry for HIM!

[dilema]

Thanks for all the replies BTW

[sadie_genie]

I bet he made a very conscious decision. I heard prostitutes in Amsterdam are pretty hot. The drunk part is just an excuse.

Lesson learned: Don't let you man go to Amsterdam alone or with his friends.