How much of your sexual History do you tell your SO?

[Lite]

I hope so. I guess that wasn't ever my experience, so I have a hard time imagining it that way. But maybe her man is less a baby than the ones I used to date.

I used to have some issues with accepting my wife's sexual past. While I'm a generally adventurous types there were tales of some rather debaucherous times that didn't help me feel all that secure. Now, given my personal past with an ex wife etc... It wasn't surprising that I felt this way at times. But, I asked questions and for much of it there were some pretty big negative emotional attachments to those times for her as well.

I'm now very grateful that we have a great sex life, without the hangups, negative associations, and problems that her previous relationships had.

[sarah_rsl]

Hangups aren't one of hubby's problems. The reason he asked the question was like I stated earlier, was that he was curious about the act itself. He's reading some inpenetrable french novel and apparently it included a group sex scene.

Hubby is a bit of an intellectual and this is the way his mind works. He's curious about group sex and not only does he know someone that's had group sex but she's even in the same bed as him so the ideal opportunity for a Q and A session. So he asks her to expand on some of the details and can't understand when she gets a little bit would up anywho, as soon as he saw I was reluctant to discuss it he dropped it.

Anywho I slept on it and decided there wasn't really any harm in answering them. As for the questions being in any way sexy they were all about the motivations and actual mechanics involved not stuff that could be considered erotic like I said thats just how his mind works.

As for him missing my slutty nympho phase, I think we both realise it was fun at the time, at that phase in my life with the lifestyle I was living at the time it was appropriate not so much now. Besides his sex drive expanded rapidly after the first few months we were together, after he had gotten his ex out of his system,sexually I struggle to keep up with him now. Also he's not in any way insecure, he know he's doing the business in bed so on that front their aren't any problems.

[IndiReloaded]

Yea, so he's probably getting off on your bedtime stories. Those intellectual types can be rather kinky once the specs come off. Personally, I've always liked the 'hidden depths' approach of this sort.

So, he's your husband & if he wants to know, tell him. You are who you are & he married you w/eyes wide open. I'd suggest you make it fun, even embellish certain things so that he's never quite sure what's fantasy and what's reality.

I'm sure he knows the story of Scheherazade. Worked for her, make it work for you.

[sarah_rsl]

Yea, so he's probably getting off on your bedtime stories.

I read back over my previous posts, while explicit in places I wondered for a little while, how you formed the conclusions you have (please don't enlighten me).

Anywho there doesn't seem to be much similarity between how my husbands mind works and how yours does. So I have that to be grateful for.

[vashti]

**snort**

Obviously, her responses are spilling over from the "older guy" thread.

Sure, Sarah. his interest in PURELY academic. Whatever you say.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, you ARE defensive. I wish you well in your marriage, you will need it.

EDIT: I just realized. Sarah thinks I am a guy. LOL! Yet another assumption of hers. Yes, you will need luck in your marriage, darling.

[Dasein]

I don't think many men would like the image of their wife being gang banged in the past...? Or maybe they do?


For me I don't go into too much detail about sexual past. I think it can cause retrospective jealousy and isn't worth the hassle.

[Aeradalia]

Yea, so he's probably getting off on your bedtime stories. Those intellectual types can be rather kinky once the specs come off.

Agrees. My boyfriend is more of the intellectual type and has quite the imagination (which is refreshing and much desired )... and though he takes a more pragmatic and analytical approach to asking about past experiences with former lovers... I have noticed that he both encourages me to ask him to share his experiences as well... and we will discuss such 'concepts' or 'ideas' in further detail and eventually he will express a desire to experience something akin to these stories.

I see nothing wrong with it... and feel this is a way to learn what we both like and explore such things together.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks Dalia.

I too, am speaking from personal experience in this. Part of Sarah's problem, I suspect, is that SHE has problems with her past. Quite likely more than her husband does. Some strange ideas about her old 'slutty' behaviour making her somehow unworthy of such an upstanding husband, or other drivel.

All I was trying to say is that she can turn a perceived negative into a positive with a little bit of creativity. Perhaps when she sorts herself out a bit more the concept won't be such a difficult one.

[lesa]

Your husband wants to brag to his guys that he has a "freak in the bed" for a wife and he needs a little more details to prove it.

Minus the group sex stuff, why are you changing sexually after marriage? I think he wants you to remain a little freaky as he probably thought he would continue some of it.

Nevermind...I don't know what you two do.

[Indignant]

Many men are very well aware of the fact that they aren't very good in bed. Why they don't bother to do something about it I cannot really explain very well. Lack of an ability to express empathy is probably part of it...
It's all kind of intertwined into the details surrounding patriarchy, using one's penis as a measure of power, and the fact that men are just generally very insecure creatures to begin with while socially they're not allowed to actually show this. Thus, when it does peek through, it's because there is a massive amount of suppressed insecurity at that point.

Is there really a measure of someone being good or not in bed? What standards is that judged by? I have never thought about any of my partners that way. I feel that it is up to the woman to stimulate a man visually or sensually and once again, gosh i hate using that word, manipulate him into giving her the satisfaction that she requires at that moment.

[Indignant]

I think telling it all to a partner, male or female, can be rather traumatizing. It may be a cause for permanent distress and anxiety in a relationship. Especially considering that males' egos are easily wounded. Many times people like Sarah can have the desire to boast about their sexual experiences not considering the feelings of their partners, and thus paying for it afterwards when partners start feeling resentment towards them. Common sense should always be used when revealing such details.

[Aeradalia]

Is there really a measure of someone being good or not in bed? What standards is that judged by? I have never thought about any of my partners that way. I feel that it is up to the woman to stimulate a man visually or sensually and once again, gosh i hate using that word, manipulate him into giving her the satisfaction that she requires at that moment.

If both of you can truthfully say you enjoyed sex with each other.. then the sex was good --- if not, then the sex was different degrees of being 'not so good' or 'bad.'

It's up to both to stimulate, entice, and encourage themselves and each other. Manipulation is not required if you are open and honest about what you like and don't like... and if you share in discussion of sexual experiences you can enrich each others understanding of one another's preferences. Playful exploration can lead to 'discoveries' of new techniques.

Sex really should be a shared experience between two people... not merely physical manipulation of a someone to satiate you.

[Indignant]

If both of you can truthfully say you enjoyed sex with each other.. then the sex was good --- if not, then the sex was different degrees of being 'not so good' or 'bad.'

It's up to both to stimulate, entice, and encourage themselves and each other. Manipulation is not required if you are open and honest about what you like and don't like... and if you share in discussion of sexual experiences you can enrich each others understanding of one another's preferences. Playful exploration can lead to 'discoveries' of new techniques.

Sex really should be a shared experience between two people... not merely physical manipulation of a someone to satiate you.

I didn't expect young people to understand what I was saying. We are not talking about our ideals, but real life. Come back to me when you are older and married for more than 5 years.

[Aeradalia]

I didn't expect young people to understand what I was saying. We are not talking about our ideals, but real life. Come back to me when you are older and married for more than 5 years.

I could ask my boyfriend, but he'd say the same thing... and he's probably in your 'age group.'

This has been my experience... not my 'ideals.' I take great care to ensure my partner is satisfied and have noticed that curiosity about the others enjoyment has really paid off.

My sexual experience is far more than what it should be for my age... but I have learned considerably from it. Age doesn't seem to be the factor here as much as experience.

You've learned from your experiences and I have learned from mine. And from my own experiences I have learned that sex is best when both are participating and actually care. I doubt you could convince me otherwise.