He cheated after we moved in together.

[VerticalMoon]

I'd definitely invite somebody else over to be at the house with you when he comes to pick up his stuff. You don't know him well enough yet to know if he has any violent tendencies or not. If he does, this would be when he'd be most likely to use them. To play it safe, don't be home alone with him. That way he can't pick an argument with you either.

Just let him get his stuff and leave. Trying to get closure from an after break up talk rarely works. Plus, considering he's a selfish liar, he's likely to just manipulate the conversation to make you feel worse. You should really just try to avoid him as much as possible.

You might never know what his motives for doing the things he did were. You just have to come to accept that. All you need to know is that he's not worthy of your time or energy.

This guy is just a jackass. He's not good for anyone. If there was a mistake on your part, it was being too trusting and rushing into everything so quickly. You shouldn't have move in so quickly with a new relationship- nor believed everything he told you so soon. Trust needs to be earned and proven. He may have seemed great at first, but there was a lot you still didn't know about him. That is the risk you take when you jump into things so quickly. If you want to learn more about what to watch out for in the future, the book, "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" by John Van Epp is a good one.

Go ahead and change the locks. Then just be glad that you didn't spend any more of your time on him.

[polly1122333]

I'd definitely invite somebody else over to be at the house with you when he comes to pick up his stuff. You don't know him well enough yet to know if he has any violent tendencies or not. If he does, this would be when he'd be most likely to use them. To play it safe, don't be home alone with him. That way he can't pick an argument with you either.

Just let him get his stuff and leave. Trying to get closure from an after break up talk rarely works. Plus, considering he's a selfish liar, he's likely to just manipulate the conversation to make you feel worse. You should really just try to avoid him as much as possible.

You might never know what his motives for doing the things he did were. You just have to come to accept that. All you need to know is that he's not worthy of your time or energy.

This guy is just a jackass. He's not good for anyone. If there was a mistake on your part, it was being too trusting and rushing into everything so quickly. You shouldn't have move in so quickly with a new relationship- nor believed everything he told you so soon. Trust needs to be earned and proven. He may have seemed great at first, but there was a lot you still didn't know about him. That is the risk you take when you jump into things so quickly. If you want to learn more about what to watch out for in the future, the book, "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" by John Van Epp is a good one.

Go ahead and change the locks. Then just be glad that you didn't spend any more of your time on him.

Thanks for the advise, I think your right, I guess talking to him to get closure would just mean giving him another chance to lie to me, knowing he will not tell me the truth.

[polly1122333]

why didnt you dump him then when he told you that? jeez id run a mile from him.

look its just stuff. let him take his s**t and leave. leave the house before he gets there-maybe stay with a friend for the weekend and lock your stuff into your bedroom before you go.

he sounds like really bad news so all that matters is your sfe and not there when he turns up.

Thank you so much for your replies.
The other reason I want to be there is I want to make sure he only take his stuff and also not breaking anything of mine etc and i need him to sign the lease transfer form, so i can change the locks. but after reading all your advise I'm not sure if I want to be there.

[michelle23]

can one or two friends stay with you and be there when he arrives? you could also have the police on speed dial encase he starts any crap. Remember you owe him NOTHING

[polly1122333]

can one or two friends stay with you and be there when he arrives? you could also have the police on speed dial encase he starts any crap. Remember you owe him NOTHING

I think I will come home after work tomorrow, if I see him I see him, and then I'm going to stay at my friend's til sunday.
if I don't see him I will leave a note ask him to leave the keys on the kitchen bench, and REMIND him to sign the lease transfer form.
if I stay I can see two possibilities
1. I get frustrated and we start fighting
2. I break down and cry
none of them are that good.

what do you guys think?

[michelle23]

but what if he doesn't sign it? Maybe you and a friend should be there when he arrives and just ask him to sign it before you go and ask him to leave the keys there. Then you will only have to see him for 30 seconds just to make sure he does what you ask and then go. Don't go back till Saturday night.

[michelle23]

Police on speed dial, lol. It's three numbers ffs.

not if she wants to ring a local station. I have them on speed dial at work encase I get robbed. Its an 8 digit number and faster than just ringing 999. They would be here in less than a minute but if I rang 999-It could take 20 mins

[TablesandChairs]

You don't need closure, you know enough facts about this guy to have all the closure you need; he's a jerk. Nothing he says will change that.

Next time - do not move in with someone you have only known for a very short period of time unless you are solely and purely just housemates. Also, when a man tells you about how he treated an ex, listen carefully. More often than not, it's how they'll treat you.

[polly1122333]

but what if he doesn't sign it? Maybe you and a friend should be there when he arrives and just ask him to sign it before you go and ask him to leave the keys there. Then you will only have to see him for 30 seconds just to make sure he does what you ask and then go. Don't go back till Saturday night.

I will come home after work, If he's here then I will ask him about the form AGAIN, not sure what I can do it he doesn't.
He said he organised a removalist company to pick up his furniture and stuff on Saturday, I'm guessing it would be morning.

[polly1122333]

You don't need closure, you know enough facts about this guy to have all the closure you need; he's a jerk. Nothing he says will change that.

Next time - do not move in with someone you have only known for a very short period of time unless you are solely and purely just housemates. Also, when a man tells you about how he treated an ex, listen carefully. More often than not, it's how they'll treat you.

Lesson learnt. the hard way.
he was so sure that was what he wanted, I was unsure about moving in together as a couple, but the he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me blah blah blah... didn't know the rest of his life only last 1.5 months

[michelle23]

Hun you take everything a bloke says with a pinch of salt in the first 6 months. Be wary of any guy who promised you the earth, the stars and the trees. They are just sweet talking charmers and you need to open your eyes and learn how to spot that bulls**t. Also be wary of any guy who wants to move too fast by living together. getting engaged, wanting you to get pregnant etc too soon. These people are just in love with the idea of love and have no clue to how be in an actual real relationship and once the honeymoon period fades-they either disappear or start treating you like dirt.

Women complain a lot about their man being unromantic, not saying the right things, not knowing how to react when she is upset etc but that is a GOOD thing. Find a man who you need to teach romance to coz most the guys who already know how to charm the birds off the trees are full of crap and cannot be trusted.

[polly1122333]

Hun you take everything a bloke says with a pinch of salt in the first 6 months. Be wary of any guy who promised you the earth, the stars and the trees. They are just sweet talking charmers and you need to open your eyes and learn how to spot that bulls**t. Also be wary of any guy who wants to move too fast by living together. getting engaged, wanting you to get pregnant etc too soon. These people are just in love with the idea of love and have no clue to how be in an actual real relationship and once the honeymoon period fades-they either disappear or start treating you like dirt.

Women complain a lot about their man being unromantic, not saying the right things, not knowing how to react when she is upset etc but that is a GOOD thing. Find a man who you need to teach romance to coz most the guys who already know how to charm the birds off the trees are full of crap and cannot be trusted.

Thank you so much Michelle. wish I asked for your advise much earlier!!
will post about how things go tomorrow. hopefully he will just pack and leave,and sign the form, and with a bit of luck, not take any of my things or damage the property.

[michelle23]

Best of luck. If he does-you call the police. F**k him, I would cause world war 3 to teach that prick a lesson after what he has done (if he starts any crap with you). I wouldnt call the police though-I would just have a 7 foot ball of muscle waiting when he arrives and if he starts any crap hed be thrown out the door by my hulk

Do you know any body builders willing to help out a lady in need?

anyway let me know how it goes.

[polly1122333]

Best of luck. If he does-you call the police. F**k him, I would cause world war 3 to teach that prick a lesson after what he has done (if he starts any crap with you). I wouldnt call the police though-I would just have a 7 foot ball of muscle waiting when he arrives and if he starts any crap hed be thrown out the door by my hulk

Do you know any body builders willing to help out a lady in need?

anyway let me know how it goes.

haha no I don't know any bodybuilders haha... terminator was here in Melbourne tho, should have asked for help!
if he starts any crap I will slap him myself, if he calls the police, I will tell them this guy cheated on me in our own home, they might hold him up and let me slap him a few more times!

[michelle23]

the guy is a loser. Dont give him the satisfaction of knowing your upset. My ex cheated on me and I didnt even waste my time confronting him, I left him figure out for himself that we were finished and just acted like he didnt exist. I know that got to him 100times more than if I had slapped him 20 times and cried. Showing NO emotion at all is the best way to handle cunts like him. Your better than him and you know it. Dont even show anger. Let him think your really not bothered and its his loss. And dont even waste your energy or time talking about him to other people.

That is why I am saying you dont need closure. I never got an apology or an explanation and I didnt want one. Just move on. You live and learn and that experience will make you stronger. Now I know how to handle pricks like him and if another guy screws me over-it will f**k his life up (not mine). Ill move on and meet someone else. But he will be left think why did I let her get away

Karma is a bitch hun. You can hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong