This feels a bit uncomfortable

[Ray75]

*touches shh! and gets frostbite*

anyway, you're right, we can't really know what went on from just one person's perspective. But I certainly can't see looking after a dying mom as a big sin, even if there would've been better ways to handle it.

the fact that you're DJing for free even though you don't seem to really want to be there (and I wouldn't blame you) suggests to me that you're either a completely selfless giver, or that you feel guilty.

but.. whatever her brother may think of you now and whether or not that is justified or not.. I hope he isn't stupid enough to mess up her wedding by causing drama. Try to ignore it if he's giving you the evil eye.

Thats the thing though. There were no better ways to handle it. My parents owe more on their house then it is even worth and if they refinanced the cabin, the overall bills would become more than my father even makes a month. The doctors were even talking Hospice but i wouldnt have it and made the stand because I still saw hope. Now i didnt save her life but i did manage to give her probably an extra 6 months. Her family doctor even told me this when hospice finally did come in becasue her mind and body could no longer handle the chemo. Thats 6 months of extra life I gave her to be a grandmother and for my son to know her. I cannot see that as being a sin at all. it's also frustrating that shh seems to think i am guilty until proven innocent. Is she just some twisted man hater or something?

Also yes. I have been known as a selfless giver. I guess I get that from my mom because she was the same exact way. My ex called around and for what we are going to do, would cost about 1000.00 from another company and we are even including Karaoke. She also offered us some money but we refused to accept.

[Tiay]

well you sure make a convincing case. heck it sounds like you took care of both your mom and your son. I'm waiting for shh to call me gullible. Then I'll call her a cynic back.

But hey we're just some random people from the internet to you, what does it even matter what we think? Sometimes I think this forum is too nitpickey- really, does ANYONE here get a straight answer to their actual question, or do they just get their post picked apart and jokes made, and then criticised when they don't take the advice?

well in that case, don't be too giving- People will end up using you, such as DJing for weddings for free when you don't even really want to be there. any chance that you'll end up having a good time there anyway?

[graeme]

this is a weired situation i agree with ray about the whole cancer because my dad suffered for a year with it. it takes upo alot of time and i was a round for him i completley agree with ray when he says if the child was being cared for food diapers cloths and a bed to sleep in why should he have to pay the woman who broke up with him when she probably ahs a job and can afford much mroe than him but he is giving ehr extra money for i dno what she wants. it is unfair and wrong especially int his situation.

ive never been married and in my stage in life3 dont want to be anytime soon it = alot of commitment and in defense of teh other case when u sighned your signature on the marriage certificate you kinda sighned up for if the breakup occured you were to pay for teh child weather the mother can afford or not.

i wish all teh ebst with you and your girlfreinds and sons futures hope they will be happy and be spared from another 1 of these conversations as for the dj thing i personally wouldent its bad ties i know this from staying freinds with girlfreinds there is no point being a freind after a serious breakup it aint the same and never will be so jsut elave it as it is

[ExpoNovak]

Dude...breathe.

Go to the wedding. DJ the wedding. Eat the food. Smile at people. Wear a fake moustache if it makes you feel better but GO. You already made a commitment to go. Kill em with kindness. If the brother says anything to you, smile nicely at him and calmly let him know that you and his sister worked that issue out long ago and its all resolved but that you understand his concern that you would feel the same way in his shoes. People eat up empathy like candy.

However, if you really want to make it all better call your ex up before the wedding and offer to add, say, $20 a month to the child support you currently pay until all the unpaid back child support is paid off. It takes a long time, but $20 a month isn't going to put you in the poorhouse and it demonstrates a genuine concern to make things better. If the ex wants to accept the DJing as back payment that would work as well. Either way you are going to be the LAST thing on her family's mind that day so I don't really thing you have anything to worry about.

[Gigabitch]

However, if you really want to make it all better call your ex up before the wedding and offer to add, say, $20 a month to the child support you currently pay until all the unpaid back child support is paid off. It takes a long time, but $20 a month isn't going to put you in the poorhouse and it demonstrates a genuine concern to make things better. If the ex wants to accept the DJing as back payment that would work as well. Either way you are going to be the LAST thing on her family's mind that day so I don't really thing you have anything to worry about.

I agree with this part, but IMO, you should NOT go to the wedding. Get somebody else to DJ for you. Jeeze- I wouldn't want my ex at my wedding, I think it's weird that you're invited at all. I understand that you're friends, but her family doesn't like you. it would be better for everyone if you weren't there.

[Ray75]

I agree with this part, but IMO, you should NOT go to the wedding. Get somebody else to DJ for you. Jeeze- I wouldn't want my ex at my wedding, I think it's weird that you're invited at all. I understand that you're friends, but her family doesn't like you. it would be better for everyone if you weren't there.

I have never been one to back down on anything and its not that all her family doesnt like me. I am just concerned about a couple people.

It's also not weird that I was invited. We are really close friends and do share a son together who is going to be there as well. We keep in touch every day.