I had an affair

[Only-virgins]

You and John are over. Have a nice day.

[indigosoul]

20 is pretty young. you probably had to grow up fast. it wasn't the best thing to do. you should be careful about your decisions from now on. they affect your boyfriend, your child, your future, you're entire life. if you're having problems with your boyfriend you should at least try to work it out. and no, cheating on him again isn't exactly working it out.

I agree w/this post.

Whether you tell him or not is a question of your morals. Is he likely to find out? Sometimes, the telling is more for the benefit of the cheater (to induce guilt/self loathing, hurt oneself b/c you think you deserve it, etc) than the person cheated on. Maybe, you should just live w/yourself in silence over this as your "punishment" should you feel you need it. If you feel no guilt at all, however, and think you might do this again, I would suggest that you are not treating your child or his father fairly and you should consider ending the relationship. Without telling him, as already suggested, I agree. Anyway, your karma is your own; good luck.

[artyemi]

what do you want us to say?

[TAVS]

Well, I don't think you should stay in your relationship anymore.

I disagree. Just because a relationship isn't where it needs to be, doesn't mean you should just exit. Talk to your man and let him know there is a problem with your relationship. See if you can make things better before you throw it all away.

I cant imagine cheating and wanting to do it again. I was foolish enough to cheat once and you'll never catch me doing it again. I enjoyed it but I couldnt stand the fact that I did it.

[updraft]

I think you should either stop seeing this new guy and fess up to your bf about what you did (that is if you're serious about saving the relationship and for the sake of the baby) or leave your bf and baby and you go out and continue your cheating. There is no happy medium here. You have to consider the consequences. If your bf finds out you have been cheating, he may get really angry and try and get custody of your child..... isnt your child more important than a roll in the hay?

[Junsui]

I disagree. Just because a relationship isn't where it needs to be, doesn't mean you should just exit. Talk to your man and let him know there is a problem with your relationship. See if you can make things better before you throw it all away.

I cant imagine cheating and wanting to do it again. I was foolish enough to cheat once and you'll never catch me doing it again. I enjoyed it but I couldnt stand the fact that I did it.

Sure, in some cases. I just think that since she cheated, feels no remorse about it and wants to continue cheating maybe she shouldn't stay in the relationship. By now it's too late, IMO. She should have talked to him about things before cheating.

[misombra]

is this person gone?

[Apache]

Of course you want to do it again. It was exciting for you. The routine
you and your boyfreind have been living has become boring. But have you done everything you could to make things better? If you can honestly answer yes, then I agree there should not be any guilt. And you should continue to
see this new person.

But like everything else in life, there is a catch. Like it or not, when you become invloved with someone in an affair feelings will develop. And you will
soon be very confused. But unlike a normal relationship, affairs have a built
in self destruct mechanism, with both people taking what they can from the
relationship. And in the end someone will always be hurt, and it might even end up being you. So think carefully about this.

20 years old is kind of young to be in your situation. And then there's the baby. You've got a young family in the making here. You've got to decide what you want from your current relationship. And having an affair is only going to complicate things. Think about your boyfriend too, have you considered what he will feel if he finds out? Give it a lot of thought....

And I agree with you, there should not be guilt. A person deserves to be happy. But you've got to decide why it was that you wnet out to look for this happiness. And what it is that you are missing at home that is making you feel this way.

[lovestruck]

sorry for not replying right away.. I only get to go online at the ofc.
okay.. you all may think right about now that I'm a lying, cheating, selfish, slutty son of a b*itch.. and I guess your right. It's all wrong and I know it is. and the guy I had an affair with I feel completely nothing for. It was just one night. . maybe its the whole reason I feel no guilt... but still, I know somethings wrong with me and our relationship. Misombra, you kinda hit the spot, see.. i never really got to experience my youth. . and since I got pregnant so early, I guess I'm missing and wondering what my life would be like without them. I've worked so hard all my life to be someone, to get somewhere and the moment I got preggy, my world came crashing down. I know my child or hubby is not the one to blame. I don't blame them at all. It's all my fault. and I hate myself for everything I've done. I'm planning to talk to him on the weekend. it' s the only time we see each other, and I'll tell him what I feel and what I think. I won't tell him about the guy, I hurt him enough.
guys, believe me or not.. I'm really not a bad person. I work hard and honest, take care of my family and my first priority is my child. I'm just really confused. I keep thinking that my life was supposed to be better than this. I just can't accept whats happened to me.I'm fu***** miserable.
I'm not really sure what else I want to hear from all of you.. but anything will help, I'm really confused. and I'm scared. So go ahead, call me a *****, a slut.. whatever you think I am. 'cuz to tell you honestly I really don't know who I am anymore.

[lovestruck]

Of course you want to do it again. It was exciting for you. The routine
you and your boyfreind have been living has become boring. But have you done everything you could to make things better? If you can honestly answer yes, then I agree there should not be any guilt. And you should continue to
see this new person.

But like everything else in life, there is a catch. Like it or not, when you become invloved with someone in an affair feelings will develop. And you will
soon be very confused. But unlike a normal relationship, affairs have a built
in self destruct mechanism, with both people taking what they can from the
relationship. And in the end someone will always be hurt, and it might even end up being you. So think carefully about this.

20 years old is kind of young to be in your situation. And then there's the baby. You've got a young family in the making here. You've got to decide what you want from your current relationship. And having an affair is only going to complicate things. Think about your boyfriend too, have you considered what he will feel if he finds out? Give it a lot of thought....

And I agree with you, there should not be guilt. A person deserves to be happy. But you've got to decide why it was that you wnet out to look for this happiness. And what it is that you are missing at home that is making you feel this way.

I'm crying my eyes out right now. Thank you. you said what I needed to hear. I will think hard about what my decision will be.
I feel horrible that I had to turn out this way and that i had to bring someone down in the process. I hate myself for becoming the person I said I would never be. I wrecked my own dreams.. I just want it all to go away.

[Apache]

You don't know who you are anymore because your life has changed in
the past 8 months. I take it that this pregnancy was not really planned.
You're probably going through post partum depression as well.

I wouldn't continue sleeping around just for the sake of doing it. That's
not having an affair, and its a sign of low self esteem. You've got to feel
good about yourself first, before you can fix your relationship. And if you
find that you can't fix it move on.

And never tell you boyfriend of what you've done. It would serve no
purpose other than a huge slap in his face. I don't know why people
suggest this. Bury your secret deeply, and do not think about it anymore.
Its done and nothing you can do will change that. And I'd keep the secret hidden from your friends as well, even your best friend. Things always have
a way of spreading themselves.

[Apache]

I'm crying my eyes out right now. Thank you. you said what I needed to hear. I will think hard about what my decision will be.
I feel horrible that I had to turn out this way and that i had to bring someone down in the process. I hate myself for becoming the person I said I would never be. I wrecked my own dreams.. I just want it all to go away.

Don't hate yourself over what you've done. You need to feel better about yourself first. And when you do it will all go away.....

[lovestruck]

Don't hate yourself over what you've done. You need to feel better about yourself first. And when you do it will all go away.....

I know. I had a long conversation with a good friend just earlier today. I came to realise that the my image, a fighter, smart, funny, happy person may not be who I really am. Since I can remember I had to take care of myslef. I would always stick this image in my head and would force myself to be this person I thought I was beacause nobody else would, and its one of the things thats killing me . I pretend to be so strong, but really I'm dying inside. I don't know at all what would make me happy, but for one thing I'm sure all my pain will ease once I'm content with myself. So I guess I may never be happy. I don't want to suck up what life gives me. To be quite honest I don't believe in the saying " GOD HAS PLANS FOR YOU". I make my own destiny. I just don't know where to begin.

[Promiscuity]

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.

[Promiscuity]

Oh, to be true to one loving, doting companion for eternity...What a load of crap. Perhaps we sometimes forget that humans are not chemically wired to be monogamous.