Lies, Lies, Lies

[mbgal]

I wouldn't believe anything he says. He has lied to you so much by now. How can you remain in a relationship and call it love when there is no trust or honesty? You love what you thought he was.

There we go. How could there possibly be one without trust and honesty? I am the one who gave the from the beginning, not he. I feel blindsided. I really did love what he was, or what I THOUGHT he was. How foolish of me.

I feel like a terrible mother for not seeing this beforehand. My children adore him, and it makes it harder for me to sort this out. I know that it is plain to see, but being in the actual situation is different. I love that you are putting things bluntly, that is a great thing, seeing as I had nothing else to really to really abide by, or anything to open up my eyes. All I had to listen to were his apologies, excuses and promises of not ever hurting me again. How do I go about this?

[FrenchMaid]

Hey everyone. I live with my boyfriend. He is great! I have found out things about him that really surprised me. At first he told me that he had a gf but they broke up a year and a half ago, and that they dated for a year. Of course, it is expected that we have others before. I don't kow why he lied about that to me. Her number was constantly on his cell, and finally, I said that maybe he should ask her to stop calling because it was interfering with us. I have to admit, it did bother me somewhat.

Anyway, he said he called her one day and said to leave him alone. Until numbers were repeatedly on his cell, sometimes 4 times in one day. He said that he had no clue who it was. It made me suspicious. There were times when I would walk around the corner and he would hang up his phone immediately. He never checked his voice mail with me around, and I find this strange because we live together, and shouldn't have things to hide.

I called her to ask her to leave us alone, that he was trying to move forward. I was shocked when she said that they broke up in May and lived together for three years. She ended it with him, but he still resided there when we were getting serious. I didn't know that. Those repeated numbers turned out to be her work numbers, from both jobs, and her cell number. She told me that they were calling each other weekly, sometimes more, and that he always called her. I asked why her numbers were always on the phone and she replied that she was returning his calls.

She then said that he drove into the city a month ago and took her out to lunch. I was hurt! Why is he doing this? I asked him and he said he just met up with her to return their apartment key. Why couldn't he just mail it? I didn't understand.

Also, sometimes he would go to the bank, and he would have no money. He said that he was helping her pay off her debts, and his account was at the bank she manages. He said he was sick of her taking out money, which I find hard to believe. We drove to the city and he said he wanted to close the account he had at her bank and revert back to hisl old one, which relieved me. He went to the bank and came back, saying he was so happy to get rid of any reason for her to contact him. The next day she wanted to talk to him and I said the since he closed the account, there was no reason for her to contact him. She said, "What do you mean? I am looking at the account right now." I was upset. He said that he closed it, and now I feel like he is keeping it open so she could keep taking money out for her bills. I asked him about it, and he just said that he only kept it open because he was expecting some money to come in the next day. (it never came)

For the weekend after all of this, we went to the city and shopped around. I felt that I could maybe look past his lies and move on. But, while we were in the city, he called her while we were at the mall. I walked into a shop and he said that he needed a rest. He called her twice while I was in the store. After I came out, we kept shopping. I never knew about these calls until he said I should call my aunt, her number was on his call list. I asked him about it and he said that he just called her to tell her to leave him alone. I said it was fine, and it wasnt until a week later he confessed that he called her to talk to her because he and I were having problems, and she is a "good friend". He just failed to tell her that we were having problems. He didn't even mention me.

To me, it seems like he just wants to keep her in the background. The day I talked to her, she said he asked her if she would move to the town we lived in! He said that he didn't mean to say it that way. I didn't believe him because we live 4 hours from her. Why would he ask her that. He even invited her to come skiing with us..he said he meant with her boyfriend, but she doesn't even have one.

I was upset because he called her at the mall, twice, shortly after we talked about having children. i dont' know what to think, except that he still loves her. He vehemently denies it, but his actions show otherwise. He always told me that me wants to marry me and have children, and that he never wanted this with anyone before. She said he asked her all of the time to get married and wanted so badly to have children with her. He admitted it, saying that of course he wanted to with her seeing as they lived together for so long. I always thought that it wasn't a serious relationship, as he explained it. Now, all of our moments when he said these things to me, are ruined.

What do I do? I feel hurt...Please give me some advice. Why does he lie to me?

Hi!
Sorry to hear that! But I personnaly think that he still love the person he was with prior to you, he won't let go even that he know this situation making you upset!
I guess its very hard for you to believe anything he said to you because you got your prouve right there!
So if I was you, I would take a break from him, I know its hard but I think that this is the only way that you will know how much love he has for you.
Its very destructif to stay in contact with your x-gf or x-bf its always create some kind of discomfort with the other person!
So take a BIG STEP and put some space between you two, you don't want to be stuck in a relationship like that for the rest of your life and I am sure you don't want to bring children in a relationship like that...!!! You know we can't change people and we can't force people to love us the way we love them and if he doesn't gave as much as you in this relationship its not going to work that why I said that you should take a break and see if he can prouve, or at least show you that he care about you!!!!

Take Care! Hope the best for you!!!

Frenchy

[Mish]

That was the final straw in my relationship with my bf. Couldn't cut off contact with some girl he once left me for.....even though I told him it was damaging our relationship.

I knew there was a FINAL straw to this saga

I'm sorry to hear that Nina, guys can be so selfish...

[Mish]

Hi mbgal

You have to realize that something very important has been broken in your relationship with this guy and that something important is trust. I think that it is irrepairable in this case. No matter what he tells you at this point, it won't undo the damage that has been done. You will never believe him and will never trust him again. Consider if this kind of environment is worth living in and even more raising your children in.

People lie and hurt others, but you can make a choice of not being hurt anymore... I think you are being too kind and generous to him which for him is very undeserved. Consider your own self worth and happiness and move on...

[mbgal]

I feel like such an idiot. I think that I am avoiding the whole issue. I want to believe him, yet it just is not there. I feel like I am being a mean person by telling him to get his stuff together and get out (which I have done). He thinks that he may have a problem with lying. He asked me if I would help him to get help. Actually, he was begging me. Is that really possible? To have a problem like that?

[Junsui]

Yes, people can have a problem with lying compulsively. If he thinks he actually has a problem with it, he should seek professional help.

[FrenchMaid]

I feel like such an idiot. I think that I am avoiding the whole issue. I want to believe him, yet it just is not there. I feel like I am being a mean person by telling him to get his stuff together and get out (which I have done). He thinks that he may have a problem with lying. He asked me if I would help him to get help. Actually, he was begging me. Is that really possible? To have a problem like that?

Yes its very possible to have problem with lying....some people can't help themself, its not that they want to be mean but they just can't himself...
Its like a disease they call this "composer liar" something like that I think...

My daughter was like that she use to lied about everthing even that it was right there in front of her face and our face....