Paranoid Girlfriend needs some advice

[orcabel]

Hugo: I'm not overweight. I'm 163 cm and weighs 55 kg only.
I work out regularly.

I'm bracing myself for the worst.
Perhaps, he's really cheating on me. It'll be difficult for me to trust him again.
Perhaps, he's not cheating at all. It'll be difficult for us to build the trust again.

Anyway, I think it's better for me not to involve myself with a relationship anymore. I am depressive, so I can't even predict my mood swings. I am not implyig that people with depression don't deserve love. It's just that I feel that it'll be too tiring for the other party to handle me. Too many baggages to bear.

[Hugo Pickle]

What kind of talk is that! Don't get yourself down. Glad your not overweight; but like I posted, even if you were, I still think the cards are still in your hand. You've been with this guy for like 7 years and now your talking about getting out of the game? Screw that! It is time to get tough and stick this thing out and do what you need to do to get the magic back. Don't ever give up on yourself like that. You’re your own best friend, not your worst enemy.

Man sweet heart, put a smile on your face and try to be happy. Do new things, try new hobbies. Life is too short to be depressed. Focus on what you want out of life, sounds like this guy is one of those things, well then time to buck up and get to work. If being depressed is what you need to work on to keep your guy, then start working on it, don’t just give up.

[Late_vamp]

try anal or treesomes ... role-playing

just brain storming here ... dont shoot !!!



...mmmm , maybe hire a midget .

[Sumatra]

try anal or treesomes ... role-playing

just brain storming here ... dont shoot !!!



...mmmm , maybe hire a midget .

haha took the words out of my mouth!

[SchmoozieQ]

What I've learned over the years is that men... most men anyway... want to feel honored, important, they want to be the superhero in your life. I think in a relationship of 7 years, quite possibly - you don't treat him like that anymore. Maybe you nag because he can't remember shit... maybe you roll your eyes sometimes because he can't remember shit... maybe you actually tell him he can't remember shit or say "yes... I'm looking at you like an idiot because you ARE an idiot who can't remember shit"... and granted, he probably doesn't go out of his way to make you feel like the most important thing in his life either. He probably went looking for someone else to stroke his ego cuz you got other things to do than coddle him. Well, here's my recommendation - READ GARY CHAPMAN's FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. It's an excellent book and if your relationship is to be salvaged - you can do it by reading and doing the things suggested in this book. If he's cheating on you... you CAN move past it if it's important enough to you... it's worth a try. This book has been a turning point for my husband and I... and before anyone freaks out... YES, I'm married - 10.5 years... mostly happy... always working on it... sometimes struggling... but definitely worth it. (I joined this site only cuz someone I know sent me the link to see something in particular -I won't name names to protect the innocent - and I did what any normal curious person would do.... started snooping around to see what's here)

As far as losing interest because someone gets fat and lazy, Hugo - I think that's just the outward manifestation of internal issues. When I got fat and lazy... for instance... it was cuz I had some serious hurting going on inside... and insecurities... I think men like confident women and although they want to be heroes, I don't think they want to feel entirely responsible for a woman's happiness - which might seem the case when a woman is falling into that "letting herself go" phase. They shouldn't have to feel that way either. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. You are what you chose to be.

Orcabel... if he's really important to you... you CAN make this work... even if he cheated on you. You CAN rebuild the trust, too... but it takes work and time... and I speak from experience on this - my hubby cheated on me before we got married - it took a few years for me to trust him fully... but it was well worth it. REad that book... give it a try before you give up... if it's important to you - it's worth every effort. Don't take the easy way out. And cut yourself some slack... we all have issues... but how you choose to deal with it is what makes or breaks you.

Hugo: I'm not overweight. I'm 163 cm and weighs 55 kg only.
I work out regularly.

I'm bracing myself for the worst.
Perhaps, he's really cheating on me. It'll be difficult for me to trust him again.
Perhaps, he's not cheating at all. It'll be difficult for us to build the trust again.

Anyway, I think it's better for me not to involve myself with a relationship anymore. I am depressive, so I can't even predict my mood swings. I am not implyig that people with depression don't deserve love. It's just that I feel that it'll be too tiring for the other party to handle me. Too many baggages to bear.

[orcabel]

SchmoozieQ, thanks for the book recommendation.
As time passed, I feel more and more certain that we are not compatible in many ways. Both of us are still together for so many years because we are a habit to each other. We gotten used to each other that we do not know whether we are still happy together. Come to think of it, I feel more unhappy more often in the recent years. What's the point of a relationship if the downs outweighs the ups? I'm better off alone.

Perhaps, he doesn't feel that he's the superhero who sweeps me off my feet when I am in distress. Neither does he makes me feel desirable as a woman.

[Rosebud]

Well orcabel it sounds like you know what you need to do. That's good, that's half the battle.

I would have to say it sounds like he is either on his way to cheating or already has. if he had any respect for you he would have told you up front about his secret meetings. Since he never did, there's a reason he kept it to himself. I think if this is really want you want, and you don't want to fix anything and you feel like you have out grown him then you do need to get out fo the relationship. You deserve someone who can be totally honest with you!

[rcia]

What you are experiencing are "BIG RED FLAGS!" (First of all, let me say this: all of this talk about men cheating on their woman or visa versa because they let themsleves go, well, that is one of many reasons. Some m/f cheat with fatter m/f too. People don't have to cheat, no one is forcing them. They cheat because they're cheats. You are either in the relationship or you're not. Pick one. But you can't have your cake and eat it too.)
Back to your issue, Orcabel. If this guy has restaurant statements and he is telling you that he eats out with his "FRIEND." Does that seem odd to you? Is this something he does often? And if you're his gf then why is he out having dinner with another girl, SO OFTEN? I don't know, but my guess it that you have reason not to trust him. Unless this mistrusting thing is a pattern with you. You may have trust issues and it is causing you to act out. But generally, in your gut you know the truth. If he is starting to display odd behaviors you have 2 choices, you can accept it and act like nothing is wrong, (wouldn't that be greatfor him) or you can communicate once and for all about the issue, so you can put this to bed and find out if you are both walking down the same road!
Now, to the issue of you looking in his private things. If this something you normally do, well, you do have trust issues. But if not, it looks to me like you've taken the steps to protect yourself from a liar. So,since you looked and you found out some information that points to something that doesn't look to good. Then maybe you should'nt allow the information you found to go to waste. Now you need to make the right choice for YOUR life. Good Luck...Susan

[boobaa]

bla bla bla I want to say something.