how ya now the girl ain;t a freeloader

[vashti]

I wouldn't consider it a date if someone asked me out and then expected me to pay for myself. Friendship, maybe. Date, no. I suspect your system will begin to fail you at some point. You better ask Lloyd for some dating tips. He would be a good first date.

[Chlorine]

Vashti----hear hear! :-)
When a guy invites me out, especially on a first date or lunch, it's 'normal' that he pays. Since we're all working, it would be weird if he expected me to pay. I offer as a form of courtesy, but it depends on the guy because some guys would be offended, it's like saying you don't think they can afford it. Eventhough I reach for my wallet, or I ask to see the bill, they always pay. It's like there is no question about it. That said, I do know one guy who does not pay. He reaches for the bill and says, "Your share is....". It irks me, but I've accepted that that's just him. All of the girls know he is really calculative and we pity his girlfriend. He'll probably make her pay for half the wedding..haha.

[funsounds]

Vashti----hear hear! :-)
When a guy invites me out, especially on a first date or lunch, it's 'normal' that he pays. Since we're all working, it would be weird if he expected me to pay. I offer as a form of courtesy, but it depends on the guy because some guys would be offended, it's like saying you don't think they can afford it. Eventhough I reach for my wallet, or I ask to see the bill, they always pay. It's like there is no question about it. That said, I do know one guy who does not pay. He reaches for the bill and says, "Your share is....". It irks me, but I've accepted that that's just him. All of the girls know he is really calculative and we pity his girlfriend. He'll probably make her pay for half the wedding..haha.

traditionally, the brides parents foot the bill for the wedding. but i think that's dissolving these days as i see both parents try to pitch in for weddings. i think that's the way it should be. why should the brides parents have to pay for the wedding? that's just stupid...

[funsounds]

I wouldn't consider it a date if someone asked me out and then expected me to pay for myself. Friendship, maybe. Date, no. I suspect your system will begin to fail you at some point. You better ask Lloyd for some dating tips. He would be a good first date.

ideally, i won't have to be in the dating game ever again...but for the sake of argument...

i'm 25...it has served flawlessly my entire dating life. when and why would it start to fail me? i guess if i moved to some po-dunk village or some uber conservative area like the bible-belt or whatever. how the bill is split has never appeared to affect the women i have been with in their perception of whether our time together was a date or not. the perception of whether or not it was a date was dictated by how i treated her aside from fiduciary concerns.

lets take a flipside example...a girl asks me out...we talk, we laugh, we eat, we go dancing...we both pay our own way. was it date or was it not date? depends...on things that were said during conversations...on the type of eye contact...on if and how she touched me...on how she danced with me...and on how we parted that night...etc etc etc.

the specifics of pecuniary disbursment rarely (i'll admit, i can't say 'never') had a bearing on whether it was a date or not...

[Chlorine]

Funsounds----That's interesting. If the bride's parents have to pay, what does the groom's side pay for? No wait, the groom is taking on a life-long liability...hahha.

Joe45----Sorry to digress. In answer to your question, since you're still in college, do offer to pay the first time round, it makes a good impression on the girl. For subsequent dates, you can go dutch. Or if you pay for dinner, she pays for the movie etc etc. Most girls are quite reasonable.

[vashti]

traditionally, the brides parents foot the bill for the wedding. but i think that's dissolving these days as i see both parents try to pitch in for weddings. i think that's the way it should be. why should the brides parents have to pay for the wedding? that's just stupid...

I am ultra-modern in this respect. I think the bride and groom should pay for their own damn wedding, and the parents ought to be able to simply give gifts in whatever amount they can afford. The age at which people marry has gone up, and people are normally employed before they get married nowadays, unlike the time when this custom started.

I think as you begin dating women with more confidence who have more dating experience than the girls you date, you lack of generosity will compare unfavorably to the dating habits of other men. As I said, it is NOT about how much you spend, but rather generosity of spirit. And I have to emphasize that I think women ought to reciprocate the kindness (no, I don't mean sex).

[Lloyd95]

I skipped over most of the posts other than the first one, but I believe the guy should pay, at least during the "dating" phase. once you're a couple, a few months down the line, then things can be more evenly split.

If she's a good person, then what's the big deal? Everyone has a little "gold-digger" in them. Hell, next time I get married, it's for money, not that "love" crap.

I used to have a test when I dated girls; this will date me however. Before keyless entry to cars (yes, there were cars that actually had a "door" key and a "starter" key), I would unlock her door then walk around to the drivers side. If she leaned over to unlock my door before I got there, she was a keeper.

[Tone]

I agree with shh! and Lloyd.

I think it's quite silly to say not paying for the first couple dates is a good measure to see if she's a "gold digger" or not. But hey if that's what YOU need to figure it out, more power to ya.

[funsounds]

I am ultra-modern in this respect. I think the bride and groom should pay for their own damn wedding, and the parents ought to be able to simply give gifts in whatever amount they can afford. The age at which people marry has gone up, and people are normally employed before they get married nowadays, unlike the time when this custom started.

I think as you begin dating women with more confidence who have more dating experience than the girls you date, you lack of generosity will compare unfavorably to the dating habits of other men. As I said, it is NOT about how much you spend, but rather generosity of spirit. And I have to emphasize that I think women ought to reciprocate the kindness (no, I don't mean sex).

i agree there...i totally think the bride and groom, not their parents, should try to foot the bill. but i'm gonna be honest...if i end up with the girl i'm with, we may need some help. my girl got big ideas...*eek*

i do date very confident and independent women these days...they're generally the only type of women i find i'm interested in for a long term relationship. seriously...my gf is probably a stonger personality than myself...she sorta wears the pants in our relationship in certain aspects. i had to fight a bit to win her cuz she had many suitors when she was single...and they were mostly good guys cuz good guys are drawn to people like her...she's driven, motivated, successful, beautiful, fierce about life, confident of her place, just awesome...and intimidating to guys with a weak spine!!!

and even with her...i didn't pay the first several times we went out. of course, i do now. in fact, pay more than half the time. but even now, quite often, she really likes to pay when we hit the town. and on a few occassions, when we both INSIST on paying, we still go dutch just like when we started out. it's all very easy...very natural. it always has been. (even with girls before her, the bill was not often an issue...it very rarely felt awkward.)

hmmm...funny...just thinking back on it now...i remember how i actually thought i'd never get her. and you know...i'm a pretty confident guy...i've even been called a little egotistical by some friends. but man o man...when you fall for a girl, all you can think about are your insecurities. i had heard about some of the other half dozen guys trying to get with her from her best friend and even tid bits from here...and by chance i even met a couple of the guys. all kept thinking was how they're probably smarter than me, funnier than me, had more money than me, more interesting than me, how they're probably funner than i am, how she probably thought they were better looking than me, etc etc etc.

lol...i remember we talked about this one time...and she said she thought i was a total idiot the first time she noticed me. but i also learned that i stole her attention away from everyone else very soon after we first starting speaking to each other.

man...makes me smile and laugh at myself thinking back...

anyways, as usual, i digress...

[TAVS]

I want my Dowry!

[funsounds]

I used to have a test when I dated girls; this will date me however. Before keyless entry to cars (yes, there were cars that actually had a "door" key and a "starter" key), I would unlock her door then walk around to the drivers side. If she leaned over to unlock my door before I got there, she was a keeper.

LOL

dude! you stole that from a movie! i saw that on tv!!! a movie called "A Bronx Tale"!!!! i found the quote on imdb.com:

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

[Lloyd95]

she sorta wears the pants in our relationship in certain aspects.

Yeah, you may want to nip this one in the bud.

EDIT: Pansy.

[Tone]

I've heard that before, but never seen that movie.

[vashti]

Obviously it is a good test to see if she is simply a considerate person. I think it is a good test. Too bad they stopped making cars that way.

[Chlorine]

TAVS----"I want my Dowry!"

You are funny. Can we pay in terms of cattle, 6 horses, 2 sheep?
Seriously, if you choose the right woman, you won't need the dowry. You'de have gained an asset.