Won't be around as much

[Converse]

Alcohol = Evil. It was a mistake try not to dwell on it or you'll end up feeling worse.

Take care.

[Illusional]

huh, what did i miss now?

raverboy

[Rosebud]

Yea I know... My friend told me tonight not to worry about anything either. But becasue I don't do stuff like that normally I feel extra guilty now. The worst part about it, is this same friend also told me this guy is into me too and he knows I'm with someone and even knows him (not well but still), so I also feel bad because even though it was all innocent I led this guy on I guess..

And see since I don't drink all that often anyways...like once every 3 or 4 months or something like that, for me to cut back, I'm going to be done with alcohol all together. If I know my tolerance and I go past that point then there's something wrong and it needs to be fixed. And Because of that I could have done something I would have truly not wanted to do, and made things a whole lot worse.

[toohot4pants]

I think i just realized those people where the people that i partied with most my life and now when I see them I feel the need to act like I'm 21 again but I don't want to be 21 again. I don't understand what the hell is wrong with me?

Bad company corrupts good character.

I really not proud of chunks of my past either. You know how I changed? I cut some people out of my life...the ones that make me falter, or tempt me to be what I no longer want to be, etc. It was hard...but I realized I'm not as strong as I think I am, and I am easily lured back into hold behaviors if I'm in the right environment with the right people.

These days, my crowd is different than back then. There are several hold-over friends that matured with me. But a lot are gone for good. I still hear about them from time to time...and they're still the same. And truth be told, I still seem them maybe 2-3 times a year...but I go with at least one of my other friends, someone to be my accountability.

[Lloyd95]

Does this mean I can't stay with you this weekend for the Super Bowl?

[Lloyd95]

Ok RoseBud, here goes, seriously. This is the truth IMO whether you want to hear it or not.

First, you're not married. I'm sure your relationship with your bf is great, but I'm not sure why he doesn't step up since you two have a child, live together etc. There must be some reason.

Second, I don't think you need to beat yourself up over this; and no way should it affect your self esteem. That doesn't make sense.

You're young; you had a child young. It's only natural for you to want to go out, live life, be free, let your inhibitions down once in awhile etc. I think that is to be expected and I think you would be abnormal if you didn't act this way once in awhile.

As you get older, and your friends get older and married and have kids, you will basically only be haning out with people who have kids etc. I remember a time when I didn't have kids, but most of my friends were just starting their families, and honestly, we grew a bit apart, and I just didn't want to hang out with little kids/babies etc.

this will all change; it's a growing process and you will take these experiences and probably be able to help your other friends as they go thru them in the years to come.

Plus, if you leave, who can I make fun of??

[Rosebud]

Wow, I appreciate your seriousness Lloyd!

And yes, as most of this is very true. I guess I'm struggling with this so much for two reasons. I did a lot before i was 21-22. I have experienced a lot of things before I should have, shall we shall. So I know that i have outgrown some things. And I agree toohot that some times people bring things out in you from your past which I think Is also part of what happened. The reason it effects my self esteem is because when I was younger I had less of it and well I was stupid when it came to sleeping with people. I changed all that. I settled down, I basiclaly grew up and felt better about myself for it. But when this happened, it made me feel like I was back in those days again and I'm not. I have been very happy and things have been going good for my BF and I which is why I don't understand why I was acting the way I was. It's not me. I know it was just flirting but it was like I was trying to purposely get his attention..and for what? why do I need to?

I know if I was reading this about someone else I would say the same things you guys are, but that's why I'm so confused with myself. I don't go out flirting with anything that has pants to get his attention..I have so much in my life that I love I just don't know where the hell that came from. ugh! I need to find new friends and quit drinking that's all there is to it.

And I agree with you as well about My Bf Lloyd!

[Tone]

roseb- that's nothing to get all that down on yourself for. i think you may be beating yourself and isolating yourself unnecessarily. but if what you need is quiet time then i hope everything with you is okay.

Seriously - you're being way too hard on yourself.

Like someone said, you're HUMAN - which means we're bound to mess up every now and again - not a single one of us can say we've never done somethin just plain stupid - so don't be so hard on yourself. Just don't put yourself in those situations anymore... if you just have to drink, then don't be around those people that might tempt you, if you want to be around those people, don't drink.

Chin up.

[Lloyd95]

Look, everyone wants acceptance and a little extra attention, even if they're in a happy relationship. It's normal. Growing pains is all. Chin up blondie!

[Rosebud]

Ya, Thank you all for everything you guys said, especially you RSK... That was really sweet!

I'll be ok, I just think I had a minor wake up call about a few things, and they will all get straightened out.

Although I'll admit now, that I'm not wallowing anymore.....It felt pretty damn good to know I still have it, if I was ever out in the single world again!!! LOL

[squirrley]

Girl, youre a woman, and sometimes we faulter because we're a woman.(its in our human genes not to be perfect!) Were human, just like guys too. Like everyone said dont get down on yourself. It was a reality check thats all and for the better. EVerything has a life lesson and this is one of them for you. Look at this way, it made you realize things and it made you grow as an individual.

Look at it as a learning experience and as a tool for your life. Think positive!!!!!!!!

[alice]

rose, i haven't seen this thread until now, so i'm a bit late for this, but:

quit beating yourself up.

really!!!!!!
you've already told me that you're having a really stressful time right now with lots of things to worry about … you need to go out and enjoy yourself once in a while or else you'll go mad!!!! how do you think THAT would be for your bf and kid?

YOU HAVE GOT NO REASON TO FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT YOU DID BECAUSE YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!!!

[indigosoul]

Ok RoseBud, here goes, seriously. This is the truth IMO whether you want to hear it or not.

First, you're not married. I'm sure your relationship with your bf is great, but I'm not sure why he doesn't step up since you two have a child, live together etc. There must be some reason.

Second, I don't think you need to beat yourself up over this; and no way should it affect your self esteem. That doesn't make sense.

You're young; you had a child young. It's only natural for you to want to go out, live life, be free, let your inhibitions down once in awhile etc. I think that is to be expected and I think you would be abnormal if you didn't act this way once in awhile.

As you get older, and your friends get older and married and have kids, you will basically only be haning out with people who have kids etc. I remember a time when I didn't have kids, but most of my friends were just starting their families, and honestly, we grew a bit apart, and I just didn't want to hang out with little kids/babies etc.

this will all change; it's a growing process and you will take these experiences and probably be able to help your other friends as they go thru them in the years to come.

This is marvelous Lloyd. We ALL appreciated reading this, I think.

[Rosebud]

I think the thing that hit me the hardest as of recent was the fact I could have very easily lost everything I have worked so hard to get. Granted, that did not happen for more than one reason, but it still made me think of what I want.

I talked with one of my friends last night for over an hour about all this. I have known her for 7 years and she knows a lot about me, but we don't get to really talk all that often anymore. One of the things she said to me was "every time I talk with you, you start out saying how happy you are with him and then later on in the night it all changes and you start questioning everything with you two." Now we talked about a lot, but that stuck out in my head and it has me thinking about a lot.

oh well, in any case I thank you guys for all letting me get this out.

[Mish]

I know I didn't necessarily do antyhing wrong but in my mind I did... I don't understand what the hell is wrong with me?

Hi Rosie I think you have touched something very interesting here, which if you are unable to solve within yourself will keep on coming back time and time again at you. I never doubted your instrospection skills Rosie and I think you should be able to bring this part of yourself under the microscope if you put a little bit of effort to it. Alcohol is only a tool we use to let our guard down, behind this tool there might lay other reasons for the actions you have taken. If you really want to know why you acted this way, then start tracing back the thread of your actions towards the source of what might have spurred them. I think you may find that the source of your actions lays not in that eventful night but some time prior. Only once you pin point the exact reasons from a third person perspective for your leanings and motivations is when you can successfully prevent them from reoccuring in the future

Hope above helps