does he deserve a 2nd chance?

[clynn]

I would say that before you can move forward he definitely needs to apologize, first off.

[yellowjasmin]

If you were like 18-19 I'd say sure.

But the man is 27 damn years old.

He hasn't grown up yet... who's to say it's not gonna take him another 27 years... the call is yours. It's your life.

Like was said, if he can't love and respect his parents - how will he treat you once the whole "honeymoon" phase is over with? Once you become as frequent as his parents - I GUARANTEE he will disrespect you the exact same way... you will become the "nagger", etc.

I totally agree.
So, i guess for my best interest I should leave him alone until he proves to me he's somewhat grow up, right?
on another face of the Earth, I feel like I'm punishing him by leaving him just because he's being immature.

[alice]

does immaturity deserves a second chance? People grow up one day right?

did you get the impression, he realizes that this kind of behaviour is intolerable or does he still think it's ok to act like that? if so – no, he doesn't deserve a second chance.

[bluesummer]

There's a HUGE difference in "getting along with" and disrespecting.

Agreed.

My ex-ex-bf's family were so rude and used to get very confrontational with me all the time. I always bit my tongue out of respect, and because I didn't want to hurt my bf by saying bad things to the people he loves.

Family should come first. Bf's/Gf's come and go.

[yellowjasmin]

did you get the impression, he realizes that this kind of behaviour is intolerable or does he still think it's ok to act like that? if so – no, he doesn't deserve a second chance.

yes, he realized and admitted that he blewed up and apologized to me. I know my bf can't act and he hardly cries, but a day after the incident, after I took off and let him think for a night, after realizing he could lose me, he was pretty miserable. He said he's miserable bc he hurt me, but he still hold to his words that he does not like my dad and would never respect him and does not wish to see him as much as he could.

[Tone]

Exactly.

If he was SO hurt to the point of crying in front of you at the thought of leaving you... if he knows he was way out of line, and feels so bad about the whole situation.. if he was so willing to change he would have absolutely no problem apologizing ASAP to you and your father.. instead of:

I've requested that he apolgize to my dad and he is willing to do that sometimes in the future, but not at this moment because he's still mad (as stated by my bf).

That, to me, says everything he's saying is complete bullshit he's using to keep you around. He's not serious. How can he realize he's totally out of line for blowing up, and want to apologize - but then turn around and say he's STILL mad at something he JUST claimed was blown out of proportion!?!?

Am I the only one that thinks this is totally nuts right there??

[yellowjasmin]

Exactly.

If he was SO hurt to the point of crying in front of you at the thought of leaving you... if he knows he was way out of line, and feels so bad about the whole situation.. if he was so willing to change he would have absolutely no problem apologizing ASAP to you and your father.. instead of:

That, to me, says everything he's saying is complete bullshit he's using to keep you around. He's not serious. How can he realize he's totally out of line for blowing up, and want to apologize - but then turn around and say he's STILL mad at something he JUST claimed was blown out of proportion!?!?

Am I the only one that thinks this is totally nuts right there??

you have a very good point.

[Tone]

He said he's miserable bc he hurt me, but he still hold to his words that he does not like my dad and would never respect him and does not wish to see him as much as he could.

Well.

There you have it.

[TAVS]

It's hard to go apologize to the Father....Give them man a day or two to get the courage; we're not all bad-asses

[yellowjasmin]

It's hard to go apologize to the Father....Give them man a day or two to get the courage; we're not all bad-asses

you're funny

I believe men aren't all bad--just sometimes out of this world...j/k.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, your bf is lucky too. If it was me in your situation, my Dad would've beat that guy within an inch of his life. Then he'd have to deal with me later for talking to my Dad like that.

[clynn]

True, it must be hard to apologize to her father.

And he may be realizing in one part of his brain that he was wrong...but sometimes it takes the emotions a little bit longer to catch up. To cool down.

Still, on a pure decency / civil level he should be talkign with your father. And probably sooner rather than later. That is very minimal, I would say. Only after that has happened, can you even think about what you want to do with the relationship. He and your father would need to work on a relationship themselves.

And, yah, his childhoold likely has a lot to do with his acting out behavior. He probably holds things against your father that are actually factors of his own childhood. How unfortunate. Because, at the end of the day, you may leave him, and he'll still be in some kind of misery - if he doesn't deal with these issues.

[yellowjasmin]

True, it must be hard to apologize to her father.

And he may be realizing in one part of his brain that he was wrong...but sometimes it takes the emotions a little bit longer to catch up. To cool down.

Still, on a pure decency / civil level he should be talkign with your father. And probably sooner rather than later. That is very minimal, I would say. Only after that has happened, can you even think about what you want to do with the relationship. He and your father would need to work on a relationship themselves.

And, yah, his childhoold likely has a lot to do with his acting out behavior. He probably holds things against your father that are actually factors of his own childhood. How unfortunate. Because, at the end of the day, you may leave him, and he'll still be in some kind of misery - if he doesn't deal with these issues.

if you love someone like this, would you stay and try to help?

[Tone]

It's hard to go apologize to the Father....Give them man a day or two to get the courage; we're not all bad-asses

I understand working up the courage... but not apologizing on the basis that you're "still mad" is ridiculous.

He isn't saying that he's embarrassed to apologize... or that he lacks the courage.. he's saying he's still pissed at her father... even after he told her he thought he blew up and was in the wrong.

[Tone]

And, yah, his childhoold likely has a lot to do with his acting out behavior. He probably holds things against your father that are actually factors of his own childhood. How unfortunate. Because, at the end of the day, you may leave him, and he'll still be in some kind of misery - if he doesn't deal with these issues.

And that would be completely his own fault.

(Don't want to make it sound like the OP would be to blame for this... because she's not at all.)