should i be mad or not?

[carpflounder]

Just take it easy.

[froggy]

The reason i did not confront her with it at the time was because i wanted time to think about the situation. I didnt want to confront her based purely on emotion which would have been anger and caused a fight.
The way i found out was that i have her e-mail password. She gave it to me about a year ago and thought that i had forgotten about it. Then she had a phone call which was odd and i decided to check her e-mail. In the e-mail i learned that they have been talking on the phone. So then i go to her phone and check to see if he had been calling and he had.
i am at a stalemate here. i dont think there really is anything i can do. if i tell heri dont want her to talk to him she could just do it behind my back as she has been doing. i could push the point that i know and its not important how i found out the important point here is that she lied about it. And as another poster pointed it, i cant keep her from cheating on me.

[xwfuro]

the only way to solve this is to simply be straight forward about it, otherwise its going to lead to unhealthy habits

[Mish]

i could push the point that i know and its not important how i found out the important point here is that she lied about it.

I think you should do this. You should also let her know that your trust has been severly damaged by this action and that you are now confused about how long this trust will be repaired if at all.

I think if things are as you desrbied them then this situation is more than just her not wanting to hurt your feelings as some people have pointed out, but a clear case of double standard and mistrust, something which has a huge impact on your relationship. How can you be in a relationship with someone you don't trust? That's the question that both of you will have to answer...

Please keep us updated on this issue...