Help me get my game on...

[Hollow]

Hi Justin86.

I have your problem. If I be myself I end up the nice guy who she just wants to be friends with. If I try and be more take charge it just looks fake because it's not me. Either way it just doesn't happen.

Like you I've had girlfriends, I've even been married. But it wasn't by design, none of it.

I suppose you could study how to attract the opposite sex. I think for those of us who lack natural attraction skills we make up for it with a bit of psychology. But I'm not one for games and I don't like being played neither.

Personally, I'm at my happiest when a girl comes on to me. I think that a girl can easily figure that out about you so if they want you they will come. If you are not a natural at being more assertive like a traditional man they will suss that out and it will be a turn off for them unless they have a strong sex drive and grab you anyway.

Just don't force it and try and find the natural talent in you.

[Tone]

Fake it 'til you feel it.

[Gigabitch]

Justin86, I wish I could see 15 seconds of video of that conversation with the girl the other day.

Here's an idea: maybe they are actually interested, but you don't know how to play the game. (Sorry, but as much as people don't like games, it comes down to that quite often.)

When you say they lose interest after a couple of weeks, are you saying you can't get them into bed?

Maybe you need some instruction. Put a personals ad in the paper in the 'variations' section, asking for a teacher. Be gender specific. I know it sounds like I'm being a smartass, but I'm serious.

[misombra]

Pig! Men are human beings and should be treated as such!

Have to agree with alice. Glad things are looking up for you.

yeah? YEAH??? well i would like to see a picture of these so called "man human beings"...

[DutchBoY]

nah, you couldn't stomach the glory of one

[misombra]

yeah probably not, ::blaaaagh::

[justin86]

ok so update after a few weeks

I have been 'aggressively' chasing a women, but I am getting mixed signals. Basically there are some times where she'll make the effort to come hang out with me, and also times we'll get in a conversation and she doesn't want me to leave. I'm not being thrown in the friend category either.

Then there are times she appears to delibrately avoid me.

This is completely screwing with my mind. The worst thing is she seems quite innocent about it all, like I dont think she is planning to screw me around for her entertainment or something.

Does anyone have any thought on what I should do? Again tough love is welcome, and if you need any more information just ask.

Cheers,
Justin


PS. She seems to be being a lot nicer when i help her out with notes for uni and stuff. I may be being a bit cynical, but its possible she is just being nice to get me to help her. Then when she has no use for me, she doesn't want to hang. However I only thought of this when analysing this, and I would hope I would 'pick up the vibes' if this were true, which i haven't. Anyway just to give u all a complete picture...

[alice]

could you be more specific about this "aggressively" chasing a woman?

[justin86]

ummm just putting myself out there a bit more and showing some interest, rather than just talking to her like i would anyone else...

i know the term sounds wierd...its just Tone used it earlier on and this is a follow on...

all i have really done differently is make an effort to talk to her rather than just waiting for a random opportunity, having a reasonably long convo, taking an interest in her, going out with her and her friends occasionally...that sort of stuff

[Tone]

Come on guy... you say you're being more aggressive with it but you're lettin somethin like this slow you down?? You want to be sure she knows that when you're interested in something - you're not going to give up easily.

Don't let the times she appears to be deliberately avoiding you hinder your progress.

I *think* that maybe when some girls do this it could be because she wants to get a feel for exactly where you stand. Exactly how interested in her are you. If you just lookin for some ass you probably would give up easy to move onto someone easier, but if you really interested in her you will/should be persistant. Again, not to the point of being an annoyance... but you want to get your message across.

I don't think this is anything to slow you down, if she seems like she's deliberately avoiding you (explain how) then you should deliberately get her attention.