Very Strange...

[vashti]

Sure it is.

Maybe what you meant to say was "self-esteem is not solely dependent upon confidence in your appearance", because confidence in one's appearance can (and usually does) STRONGLY influence his or her self-esteem. That being said, this is only one factor that comprises self-esteem, along with many others, including how you "value yourself as a person on the inside."

Well, I guess that would depend on what you believe gives a person self-esteem. There are way too many beautiful people severely lacking in self esteem to have me believing that physical beauty is relevant, and conversely, there are far too many average looking people who feel good about themselves to make a direct correlation.

Besides, if what you say is true, then wouldn't all old people - whose looks have long since faded - be lacking in self esteem?

[RogerWilco]

Besides, if what you say is true, then wouldn't all old people - whose looks have long since faded - be lacking in self esteem?

No, because I think the problem is you're not understanding what I'm saying. I'm saying that one's physical appearance CERTAINLY is related TO SOME DEGREE. That degree will vary from person to person, but cannot be separated from the entity known as "self-esteem." Ask any awkward 13 year old going through puberty.

You're thinking in black and white, absolutes. What you need to realize is that one's appearance, no matter how much we might wish it wasn't so, is tied to one's value of self-worth, and thus their self-esteem. Older people (heck, even middle aged people) tend to place much less emphasis on looks, but it would be ridiculous to say that looks are no longer involved in any degree in their construct of self-esteem.

Saying there are beautiful people who have low self-esteem and ugly people with high self-esteem does nothing to refute my claims. I never said looking good is the sole determinant of one's self-esteem (which you suggest from the good-looking-but-sad person example).

I don't mean to come off sounding flippant, I'm just trying to communicate my ideas. To say one's appearance is not related to one's self-esteem is just ludicrous, no matter how idealistic we might be.

[Tiay]

so she wont give you an explanation.. I suppose you could ask her to be serious and tell her you're really bothered by it.

Do you want it to be because she likes you? Do you like her in that way? Or do you just want her to look at you like a normal friend?

[JohnMalkovich]

Well, I don't think we can be more than friends.

But, of course I want her to like me - who doesn't want to be liked?

[Gigabitch]

I think it's possible she had a very intense sex dream about you. This happened to me once, and I couldn't ever look at the guy the same way again. I was so afraid I'd blurt it out, or blush or something.

[JohnMalkovich]

ROFL...WOW...for real!? Did you like the guy?

[RogerWilco]

Well, I don't think we can be more than friends.

Why do you say that?

[Gigabitch]

ROFL...WOW...for real!? Did you like the guy?

Sure, I liked him well enough, but in my dream I reeeally liked him.

[vashti]

I don't mean to come off sounding flippant, I'm just trying to communicate my ideas. To say one's appearance is not related to one's self-esteem is just ludicrous, no matter how idealistic we might be.

I think young people do THINK that self esteem is tied to their appearance, but that is a rather simplistic way of looking at it. That definition works pretty well when you are 13, but not when you are an adult, and let's face it: we are adults for much longer.

But you are free to disagree. I am not offended in the least.

[JohnMalkovich]

Oh Roger, why are you doing this to me man. Let's just say, it wasn't meant to be.

[vashti]

I think it's possible she had a very intense sex dream about you. This happened to me once, and I couldn't ever look at the guy the same way again. I was so afraid I'd blurt it out, or blush or something.

hahaha - you are funny! I can relate, though. I got caught checking out a man I didn't realize I knew until he turned around, and I think it took me a year to be able to look him in the eye again! ::blush::

[RogerWilco]

Oh Roger, why are you doing this to me man. Let's just say, it wasn't meant to be.

She's your sister isn't she.

[JohnMalkovich]

LOL...no...

[RogerWilco]

I think young people do THINK that self esteem is tied to their appearance, but that is a rather simplistic way of looking at it. That definition works pretty well when you are 13, but not when you are an adult, and let's face it: we are adults for much longer.

But you are free to disagree. I am not offended in the least.

Nah, older people think so too. Why do you think middle aged women go nuts paying for plastic surgery (men too)? Because looks matter, and while there are other extrinsic rewards for looking good, even at an older age (for instance, there are countless studies where goodlooking people get hired over equally qualified "ugly" people), but it's still partly because looking better raises one's self-esteem, even if that seems entirely wrong, backwards, and unfair. It's how it works. No sensible person would logically argue otherwise. It's human nature, whether you're 9 or 90. It's a continuum, so it varies from person to person from age to age, but looks are definitely tied to self-esteem, no two ways about it.

[Gigabitch]

........but looks are definitely tied to self-esteem, no two ways about it.

I kinda agree with you on this one. Being good-looking can have a wide range of effects on your psyche. I think it can actually mess people up; make them constantly question the depth of other peoples' interest in them, etc.

And being really unattractive could ruin your life, if you let it.