Should I Tell Her I Found This Out?

[bluesummer]

Looking at her emails shouldn't be a big deal either, if it is after 4 years, then you got something to hide.

Yes, it is a big deal. Regardless of whether or not there was something to hide, every person has a right to privacy. Because, really, if there was nothing to hide, one wouldn't feel compelled to read the emails in the first place, right?

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

Yes, it is a big deal. Regardless of whether or not there was something to hide, every person has a right to privacy. Because, really, if there was nothing to hide, one wouldn't feel compelled to read the emails in the first place, right?

I felt compelled because she used my computer, left her MSN open with her e-mails and I got a MSN messenger message from a random guy. Thats what pushed me to look at her e-mails. If you wouldn't have done the same, you'd be lying. I won't do it again cause I learned, but I do hope I am never faced with this situation again. My friend did it before, she felt horrible, her bofriend for gave her though, Im sure this happens a lot. In 5 years I've "invaded" her privacy once and like I said, it took her leaving her e-mail open and seeing random messenger messages from a guy I didn't know. Also not to mention we just came off a break and yes I'll admit I have a couple of insecurities.

I'm just surprised at how many people would rather hide stuff in their relationships here instead of facing the truth. I believe the truth is almost always a good thing especially when the lie your making makes you feel guilty all the time.

Thats why I have decided to talk to her about it, she is logical and a very loving Girlfriend and like my friend says, if she can't stay with me cause of this, then the relationship isn't worth it anyways.

[dreamer101]

I agree, bluesummer, everybody is entitled to their privacy. but when your partner of 4 years is actively keeping the 'private stuff' private then I would be worried. And besides at 4 years, I am sure there are more pressing issues to consider right?

And I don't think LM's gf was actively trying to hide, so I said that. If she was she would have logged out of her email and msn messenger. So what i was trying to say was that she prob won't be upset at you looking at her emails, but rather the intent you did it with. If you felt suspicious upon getting that msn message then you should have confronted her about it, not go digging. so yeah, she has the right to be upset at that. but yes, i do agree with how you feel, because i wouldn't like to find out through 'third-party' that my gf was considering another relationship. but what you are about to do, i am not so sure. because simply she may not want to hide, but wasn't ready to tell you. so forcing her to talk about it might not be the way to go. neither am i sure the extent to which you dug through her emails. so maybe just confess, apologise, and tell her you understand if she is upset, and if she doesn't want to talk about it, but hope she can forgive you and eventually be open/honest with you. thats just what i would do, but regard what others have said heavily LM, because they have been around a lot longer than i have and know a lot more than i do.

[Gigabitch]

No, don't go to her for absolution. You ****ed up and it's your own guilt that's bothering you. Just buy her some flowers and tell her it's for no reason at all. Be extra sweet to her until your guilty feelings fade, and congratulate yourself on how you protected her from the petty annoyance of having to deal with your confession.

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

No, don't go to her for absolution. You ****ed up and it's your own guilt that's bothering you. Just buy her some flowers and tell her it's for no reason at all. Be extra sweet to her until your guilty feelings fade, and congratulate yourself on how you protected her from the petty annoyance of having to deal with your confession.

Since when is being truthful in a relationship a petty annoyance? Maybe she'll see it that way, but if she did the same to me I wouldn't. Anywyas I'm gonna tell her, this isn't like the 50th time I've done something like this it's the first in 5 years .... I highly doubt this will destroy my relationship and like my friend (her friend also) said, if things can't work out after you tell her, then the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, then. You just empty your little red wagon out into her lap.

Tell me this: Have you ever lied to her about anything at all? Little white lies? Are you ALWAYS 100% truthful?

Do you want to confess your little mistake so you can look like Mr. Honest and then nail her to the wall because she didn't tell you about the other guy?

Who do you think you're fooling?

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

Okay, then. You just empty your little red wagon out into her lap.

Tell me this: Have you ever lied to her about anything at all? Little white lies? Are you ALWAYS 100% truthful?

Do you want to confess your little mistake so you can look like Mr. Honest and then nail her to the wall because she didn't tell you about the other guy?

Who do you think you're fooling?

Ah man, I'm not going to nail her to the wall, I love my grilfriend and would never treat her like that. I'm really not a mean guy... I would like to talk about it, but not get mad at her or anything like that... Anyways thanks for the advice I guess. I'm just confused, I wasn't going to tell her but, my other friend can't believe I'm not telling her and she is both my girlfriend's and my good friend.

[vashti]

Telling her is all about relieving YOUR feelings of guilt and does absolutely nothing at all for her except erode the illusion she had that you trusted her. It is a selfish position to take, but somehow I am sensing you don't care and will do what you want anyway. I guess this illustrates that some people have to learn by "doing".

Hope it works out for ya.