Hurtslikehell

[Gigabitch]

I'm gonna guess 28. Am I anywhere close? And she must have been younger.

Look, hurtslikehell, you remind me of my brother. He's a lot like you, just to a much lesser degree. His emotional baggage only fills up the trunk of a Honda, where yours is more like a Ford F-150 payload.

BTW, a counselor is not a therapist. Would you consider a therapist?

[Tiay]

oh jeez..

I was gonna do a mega rant on this but I think i'm keeping people awake with my typing..

vashti- from what i've read I agree with you, but I do think you came off too "blamey" and he felt all accused and since that self-belief thing hasn't fully kicked in for him, he perceived your attempt at helping him understand his problems as some kinda attack on him.

[vashti]

oh jeez..

I was gonna do a mega rant on this but I think i'm keeping people awake with my typing..

vashti- from what i've read I agree with you, but I do think you came off too "blamey" and he felt all accused and since that self-belief thing hasn't fully kicked in for him, he perceived your attempt at helping him understand his problems as some kinda attack on him.

Uhh, yeah. Thanks for your two cents, but we all have our own style. I am very big into personal responsibility and recognizing our own contributions to the lives we lead since, let's face it, that is all we can control. Anyway, I think it is in bad form to run about criticising other people's posts when good advice is being offered. Unless, of course, you think it is a good idea for me to return the favor.

[Venacava]

Hmm. Sounds like you got walked ALL over ; but it also sounds like you let her. You teach people how to treat you and I'm guessing you never once said "no" to any of her requests, so I'm kind of pointing the finger at you - learn from your mistakes!
You've defended her a lot throughout this thread - so I'll assume you're obviously not over her and still haven't learned many valuable lessons. I think you should read over this entire thread - as I have (and many others, probably) and you might see what some of us are saying.
It is hard to let go of people when they leave and it is hard to admit the mistakes we made, it's easy to play the victim a lot of the time. Yes, you were in someways - the victim, because she knew what you were like and she knew what she could get out of you. But you were also partly to blame, you allowed her to do what she did, time after time apparently.
I don't know what kind of advice you're asking for? Sorry. I guess just move on, get away from her and understand what went wrong, where you went wrong. Start doing things for you and for no one else, you can't depend on other people.
About your childhood - yes, things effect us for a long time and maybe they always will, but I don't see how your childhood comes into this story? Are you trying to say that because of your childhood you let her treat you poorly? I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't understand that's all.
I seriously hope that counselling goes okay for you and that you can just let go of her, you'll be better off without her and if you learn from this.

[Tiay]

hey, hold on, I agree with you and I was only trying to explain why he flipped. When giving good advice for free, you are certainly not obligated to do it one or another way, but simply the way that is natural for you. But, personally I just felt that if he had been told "maybe you're subconsciously getting something from giving", rather than "you have a knight in shining armour complex", he wouldn't have felt accused and totally flipped and therefore also angrily ignored/dissmissed your (I believe) fundamentally correct assessment. I could easily be wrong, of course, it is just one opinion.

As for bad form.. don't we all disagree with each other's posts now and then? It seems to happen now and then and isn't a big deal. I was hesitant because you are the goddess of LF Vashti (no sarcasm), but I thought it was right to say what I feel.

EDIT;

Thanks for your two cents,

you're welcome!

I think it is in bad form to run about criticising other people's posts.

If that is all you think I do on LF, I am very hurt. Also, what about Zarathus comments, were they not also as 'bad form' as mine?

"What, exactly, was the purpose of that?" and "<PSYCHO_BABBLE>Menopause will do that to a person.</PSYCHO_BABBLE>"

btw, I thought Zar's contributions to this thread and to LF in general have been excellent.

Unless, of course, you think it is a good idea for me to return the favor.

Though I probably wouldn't agree with it 100% of the time, I would welcome constructive criticism to my posts- I am after all sincerely trying to help people, and would like to learn how to do it better, especially coming from the experts on LF such as you!

[King Zarathu]

What the ****? If I'm the God and vashti is the Goddess.... Nevermind.

[vashti]

Zarathu is a kid, and so I tend to ignore him when he acts like a kid. Besides, I find him (mildly) amusing. I like teenage boys. They are so simple and uncomplicated.

[King Zarathu]

Zar's contributions to this thread and to LF in general have been excellent.

You're awesome. And, you're right.

Zarathu is a kid, and so I tend to ignore him when he acts like a kid.

PFFFT!!

If I AM, in fact, a 15 year old kid, then don't I have the right to constantly act like one 24/7? The fact that in real life I act like I'm much, much older is the shit. That's why I can only relate and talk to people that are in college; hence the thread about how I hate my surrounding people.

I find him (mildly) amusing.

Mildly? Only mildly?! You can't tell me you have never read something I wrote and thought "he's.. he's just sexy."

I like teenage boys.

I tried really hard to come up with the perfect smart-ass comment for that, but I couldn't. I'm a failure and I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.


====

And, just out of curiosity... how is "What exactly was the purpose of that?" in response to a comment that I saw as completely ridiculous childish?

[vashti]

how is "What exactly was the purpose of that?" in response to a comment that I saw as completely ridiculous childish?

How is... what? Your sentence is incomplete.

However, in response to your orignial inquiry I will respond that I find people who over-use psycho-babble do so at the expense of using common sense and use it as a way to reinforce their status as a victim. My father was this way. It gets to be very tiresome, and in my experience is indicative that a person is not particularly interested in "rolling up their sleeves and getting to work on the problem". Since the original poster fled the scene when asked to take some personal responsibility, I would say that my suspicion was reinforced.

[King Zarathu]

how is "What exactly was the purpose of that?" in response to a comment that I saw as completely ridiculous childish?

The question: "What exactly was the purpose of that?" That was in response to a comment of yours I thought was ridiculous.

How is that question childish?


My sentence makes sense, but you have to have at least a master's degree to understand it.

Since the original poster fled the scene when asked to take some personal responsibility, I would say that my suspicion was reinforced.

Nobody likes admitting they're wrong or that they have to change things, except you.

[vashti]

I wasn't criticizing your posts, skateboy. I believe Tiay was asking why I wasn't annoyed by your posts, and whether or not you are satisfied with my rationale, I think I explained why. Also, I didn't use the word "childish"; you did.

[King Zarathu]

Zarathu is a kid, and so I tend to ignore him when he acts like a kid.

This, from what I saw, was a reference to why you weren't annoyed by my posts since you didn't write something along the lines of "uhh thx 4 ur 2 cents lol" to me, whereas you did to Tiay.

So, sure, you didn't use the word "childish" but it was basically the same thing.

[vashti]

Silly boy... It seems like you really WANT me to be annoyed with you, so here:

::SMACK::

Happy now?

[King Zarathu]

::SMACK::

You know I like that...

[Tiay]

to repeat myself; I felt that if he had been told "maybe you're subconsciously getting something from giving", rather than "you have a knight in shining armour complex" (same thing, only in "mean"-speak), he wouldn't have felt so accused and therefore wouldn't have fled, and therefore he'd have listened to the advice. This is only my speculation, therefore I can not run off and get some scientific studies to prove me right or something. I was only giving feedback which I think might help you give better advice; that is, no matter how right you are, if you scare the poster off, it wont do any good.
Instead of giving reasons for disagreeing with me, you sarcastically thank me and say I'm in bad form, then get in an argument presumably about what age bad form can be tolerated as childishly cute or amusing or.. etc..

you've also evaded Zar's legitimate question with humour. And yes, while I think that sentence may not have been completely grammatically correct, his question did make sense. You also didn't really answer the psycho babble question, you just said people over-use it. I would really like to see you define it, because none of the things you have called psycho babble in the past would have struck me as such.

It kind of surprises me that you hate "psycho-babble", as someone who gives good advice you're probably closer to being a psychoanalyst/psychiatrist (sp?) than the average person.

furthermore, I'd be curious to know what adults you've been entirely responsible for, and also if you've known somehow who was abused as a child. I do, and I know you have to be so ultra careful with their feelings, they were criticised without reason so much, that constructive criticism is hard to accept. or is that psycho babble?