Don't read this. If you open it, you'll regret it. You'll push 'back' immediately.

[Neelys]

I would simply say just avoid stephanie until she phones u or tries to meet u in some way or the other, however for be it 2 mths 3 mths ....am sure she will definitely come to u if yr love is true..

[Neelys]

hi
I wud say plz avoid her for some time be it for months you will c she definetely come to u. but plz be firm dont meet her by mistake.

[King Zarathu]

Denthrare: Stop. Just...****ing stop. Don't be her friend, it will do nothing but hurt you. Somebody back me up here!

[thinker]

Denthrare: Stop. Just...****ing stop. Don't be her friend, it will do nothing but hurt you. Somebody back me up here!

Backup has arrived.

Hope you can see that the almost unanimous decision is to completely get away from her... I know you don't think its a good idea, but that's what forums full of people outside of your situation with similar experiences and some road maps are for! Lets keep chaining on the backup peeps!

[King Zarathu]

Yay for backup!!

Denthrare: It's hard, I know. We all know, because we've been there. You'll grow strong and learn from this, and soon you'll mature so much that you won't even have emotion towards this situation anymore. Trust me, and everybody else here.

[Junket]

They're right man.

It's hard, I know.

[DarkDwarf]

Message Deleted. PMed.

[King Zarathu]

That belongs in the PM.

[DarkDwarf]

Good Point. Sorry Everyone.

[Ellynn]

Denthrare: Stop. Just...****ing stop. Don't be her friend, it will do nothing but hurt you. Somebody back me up here!

I must say I agree with this. I read the entire thread and I have to agree that being friends with Steph is totally messing with your mind. (This reminds me about that movie Pearl Harbor and the love triangle for some reason.) You need to distance yourself somehow from her. This is the only way you will begin to feel better. If she honestly loved you how you love her, she would have NEVER gone back to Charles and would have stuck with you. But, I think she views you as a friend in that brotherly way. The problem comes in because of your feelings always being much stronger for her. I don't think you can handle it, and this is normal. A lot of people can't.
Maybe it would be best to just let her know how you feel. Explain to her how it hurts to see her with your best friend and that you need time and distance away from her. I would explain this mainly because this will let her know WHY you are doing this and will help with the moments when you avoid her. At least then she will know that you truly aren't being rude, but that you need your space.

If she is a true friend, she will understand.

Keep us updated!

[Off2College]

I read your entire post, and here's some advice i can give you that i recently read from Brian Tracy, one of the best self-help authors out there. And also from all the major religions.

The key to a positive mentality is FORGIVENESS. Forgive steph, forgive charles. Do not let the past haunt you. Whats over with is over with, and you must do everything in your power to not let the past control your emotional state in the present. "By not forgiving, you allow that person to run your emotional life, exactly as if he or she were right there with you and the situation was occurring all over again" and "Forgive yourself for everything. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with you. That was then and this is now. "

here's what you need to do. Everytime you see steph or charles, say quietly to yourself. "I forgive you steph/charles, and I wish you a good life"

See, the human mind can only concentrate on one thought at a time. so by repeating that phrase, you are forgiving them instead of feeling the negative emotions.

forgive dude, thats the only way you can move on.

[King Zarathu]

Denthrare: Stop. Just...****ing stop. Don't be her friend, it will do nothing but hurt you. Somebody back me up here!

I must say I agree with this

And that makes you RIGHT!

[DarkDwarf]

And that makes you RIGHT!

I agree. I wanna be "RIGHT" too!!!

[Denthrare]

Well, just got back yesterday from a long and (in my humble) opinion well-deserved vacation on South Padre Island, Texas. The vacation was great. I spent a great deal of my time just meditating and relaxing myself as much as possible. I thought about many of the things that you guys have said.

Got back into the Real World, went to work with Charles, and Steph was with him. But I was ok.

I don't know what happened on that vacation, exactly what threshold I crossed, but seeing her didn't bug me at all. We got along famously.

I'm not going to go out of my way to meet up with her, but I do think (at least at this point), I am safe from the past.

Thank you all for your advice and attention; I appreciate it, and am certain I wouldn't be where I think I am today without it.

I'll keep you updated. Something about this seems temporary.

-Z

[thinker]

Good to hear! Yeah, time away just to let things settle and clear can work wonders. I would also go with the "positive thinking" forgiveness approach mentioned a bit above, but it really sounds like you have been able to rise above this little struggle, and I say congrats! Took me a good 4 months to move on

What is so good about where you are right now is that you can think clearly again (I am assuming, of course) Before, it was more of your mind completely following where your heart thought it should go, which very often leads to trouble But now, I would say you are able to make sound decisions on the matter and really be "safe from the past" Kudos! You can now safely venture out and maybe meet someone new without bringing all that baggage from the past immediately into the relationship. I'm sure the right girl will come along soon enough, and now you will be ready for her! Yay! Anyways, just glad to hear some good news