no dates!

[b*tch]

I'm back again. Last month I posted about feeling like I'm competing with my boy's friends.

I guess I need a lot of affirmation or something, because sometimes I feel like I'm taken for granted.

I feel like I spend equal amount of time with him as his friend Meghan does. The bitch pisses me off. They are really close friends and well, they've known each other for a while now (a year). I guess she's alright because I get the impression that he asks her for advice about our relationship from time to time.

What pisses me off the most is that we rarely go out. He went to a movie with his friend Meghan last night and I think to myself: Hmmmm WE have never gone to movies together. We just hang out at his place all the time. I'm sick of that. In the two months we've been dating, he's never actually asked me out on a "date". I have a major problem with not saying what I want, so I'm really going to make an effort to bring this up. My guy is just so damn ignorant and he can't tell that when I'm silent, I'm usually ****ing pissed about something.

Another thing that makes me feel like I'm taken for granted is that he never DOES anything for me. I love cooking and baking so I bring him cookies and stuff now and then, but it took my pushing him for 3 weeks to do some work on my computer that took TEN MINUTES. Also, he never comes to my house, it's always his. He's not very thoughtful either, because say if we're lining up together and he gets his food first, he won't stand around and wait for me as I would do with even the most distant of friends.

Yeah, he is ridiculously LAZY. I'm applying for medicine next year and he's changed his major TWICE (comp sci --> English --> cognitive systems) and he's working the most low-end job right now while I'm working hard to make connections with doctors and professors.

It's so frustrating - I don't see this working in the long term, but when we are alone I really enjoy his company and we have a lot of fun. But he never says that he loves me and so I'm beginning to doubt that he does.

Sachi,

This is a very weird situation. If I were you, I will drive that bitch away. My fear is, she will cross the bridge and you will be left crying! I heard a lot of crap like this!

Since you said he is lazy, why bother to hold him? Aw, dump him and pick someone who's worth it.

[thinker]

Well we cleared things up today and things are going really well! I'm pretty new to relationships and I'm learning a lot from this one. Even if we don't end up together in the long run, I'm learning to be more open with my thoughts and feelings =)

Good for you!

Sounds like you are dealing with things a bit more rationally... STILL, though, I would be pissed about him seeing this other girl AT ALL, have you really brought it up before privately with him? I understand that you like your space (well, not really... I am not like that at all...) but you deserve to be in an exclusive relationship, and if he is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, then he should know about it. It's good that you are also learning to be open with your thoughts/feelings; men are not so great at reading into things... so you need to tell us what is going on, no matter how obvious you may think it is. Since this is a reasonable issue, if he can't back off from this other chick, then you are better off without him. Sorry... even if he does invite you later on, YOU deserve to be in the front seat, and he should not be seeing anyone else. Really think about that and about what you want in a relationship.

[Junket]

I just had deja vu.

[Ellynn]

Yeah, if your investing a lot more into a relationship then he is, chances are in the long run, it will not work. Especially when he is taking his female friend to movies and not you.

I would also be suspicious of him not taking you anywhere out in public. I mean you guys mostly hang out at his place right? I've dated a guy like this. They don't seem to want to leave their place and take you anywhere but it's funny how they want you around when they are feeling horny. Doesn't it ever make you feel like a booty call or at least that your not good enough to take out to dinner or something? I mean thats how I felt, and when I realized that this is how it was, I ended things fast. At first I would make excuses because we would hang out at his place and watch movies, but when he can't even take me out in public, it makes me think he's hiding something. Its like he didn't want other people to know that he is dating someone.

So, if you honestly are not worried about the long term and having fun, then stick with this guy. Some people can handle that type of relationship. But honestly, I know I cannot. If a guy is going to be with me, he is going to DATE me as well.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are pursing a career that is going to take you very far in life. Just keep in mind that there are many possibilities out there and that you deserve the best!

Good luck and keep us updated!

[sachi]

thinker - why should I be worried about him spending time with a friend? he works with a lot of girls, so my thoughts are, if he's attracted to another girl more than me, we simply weren't meant to be, and there's no point staying together. my boyfriend is kind of weird in that he has friends over almost every evening. It's not just this chick, it's some guy friends as well.

frasbee - how's that?

ellynn - well she's going back to australia in 2 weeks, so I'm not worried. Plus

1. she's 3 years older than him
2. She's ugly (bad skin, kind of fat). I'm no stunner, but I'm much better looking than her: [url]http://www.flickr.com/photos/sachimiyashita/169690912[/url]
3. Yeah, she's going away.

Plus, about the "not taking me out" thing - he's just lazy (doesn't really like exercising or anything). We go to parties and fireworks etc. with his friends (some of whom are mutual friends as well). There ARE times when I have felt like a booty call, but that's probably my fault because I initiate a lot of the sex. :S I was just whining because we don't really go out for dinner, just the two of us. But thinking about past relationships, I actually like the hanging out in comparison to formal dates all the time - I lost 10 lb.s since I started dating him.

[Ellynn]

Well there are advantages to not going on formal dates all the time then. But, its nice to at least do that once in awhile.. I mean keeping your friends while being in a relationship is very important, its also good to have some alone time, with just the two of you (and yes even outside of the bedroom and house.)

Also, I doubt his friend is a threat from how you described her. Honestly she probalby is just a friend. You have to go with your instincts on this one. If you are ok with how things are, then stick with him. If you aren't ok with things, then somethings gonna have to change, even if it means breaking up with him.

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like he's the booty call, Sachi! LOL!

I guess you just have to ask yourself if it's worth it, which it sounds like he might be, as a Mr. Right Now guy. Laziness is annoying, but it's not the worst quality a guy can have.