Phobia of Sex

[Sooky]

I doubt it, but the sooner you start, the sooner you will be done with it.

BTW - if you are concerned about "losing control", you can try being the dominant partner. YOU can go on top. Hell, you can even tie him down to ensure you maintain control. He probably would like it.

Fear of not being in control can be worked with.

Mmm.. interesting idea, though you mis-understood me a bit. Didn't mean losing control in that sense, meant losing control of who I am. I know it sounds crazy. But I'm really not keen on many sexual things. Some are ok. And some I'm just really not keen on at all and at the moment I cant see how anyone could change my mind about it. Though, I admit my experience is still pretty limited and they may do. Also I know the first few times you have sex it probably wont be enjoyable and will most likely hurt. So having sex will probably put me off even more?

As for the councilling, I've already started. I started when I was 17 and its still ongoing. Councilling is ok and in some ways it can help with self esteem problems, but when your confident side is against sexual things anyway, it doesnt help much.

See my problem. I need to change my beliefs and personallity to fit in with whats normal, just ignore what my instincts tell me and go along with the sex stuff or live alone.

[vashti]

You don't "lose yourself" except during orgasm, and you probably won't orgasm anyway, at least for a while. Still, sex is enjoyable, even without an orgasm.

I hope you are seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist rather than a psychoanalyst.

[Gigabitch]

Do you have other body issues in addition to sex aversion, like an eating disorder or something?

Is it really better to be with someone you can't be honest with than be alone? And don't you think there might be someone out there for you who might understand and be willing to work with you on this? Of course, I don't know your bf at all, but from what you've said, he doesn't sound like Mr. Right.

[King Zarathu]

The above is a picture of a penis.




The above is a picture of a vagina.


--------------

Considering the above, let's take a closer step and notice something extremely strange.


THE PENIS IS MADE TO BE INSIDE A VAGINA!


You have a vagina. He has a penis.



Cut your bullshit mind games with yourself and get laid.

[lovesjoyajm]

Maybe it comes from being hypothyroid and taking pills all my life, but I've always - even as a kid - had the feeling that there was something deeply, deeply medically wrong with me. Like i'm rotten at the core.

I realize this is totally irrelevant, but I was just kind of surprised/interested by this comment. I've taken synthroid pills since I was a few weeks old and they realized I had no thyroid, and I think the only effect it's ever had on my life is that I need to remember to take pills with me wherever I go. I wonder how that leads to such a deep-seated feeling of inferiority?

[TDurden]

The fact that you have such a deep seeded fear of any sexual relation is a bit disturbing. I say that only because every animal is supposed to naturally feel some need to procreate. The fact that you don't feel that way and you claim there has been no outside influence to cause this is really odd. Still, the way to changing this is not going to be by having sex with this guy you're seeing. You obviously don't feel comfortable getting close with him and if you force yourself to you're just going to develop even more negative associations with sex. But since it's unlikely you'll find mr. right immediately, follow vashti's advice and try to orgasm. Feel something good that's associated with sex and it may make you less afraid. Lastly, most of your problem is psychological and 90% of you fixing this is going to be up to you to work past your own shit and there's no one here that can do that for you.

[King Zarathu]

The fact that you have such a deep seeded fear of any sexual relation is a bit disturbing. I say that only because every animal is supposed to naturally feel some need to procreate. The fact that you don't feel that way and you claim there has been no outside influence to cause this is really odd. Still, the way to changing this is not going to be by having sex with this guy you're seeing. You obviously don't feel comfortable getting close with him and if you force yourself to you're just going to develop even more negative associations with sex. But since it's unlikely you'll find mr. right immediately, follow vashti's advice and try to orgasm. Feel something good that's associated with sex and it may make you less afraid. Lastly, most of your problem is psychological and 90% of you fixing this is going to be up to you to work past your own shit and there's no one here that can do that for you.

It's called being Puritan.

[Sooky]

THE PENIS IS MADE TO BE INSIDE A VAGINA!

You have a vagina. He has a penis.

Cut your bullshit mind games with yourself and get laid.

Um... Yeah.... I studied Biology at University! I know all about reproduction and evolution and the general need of all living things to pass on their DNA to the next generation! Oh how well I do know this stuff! But I'm weird! For some crazy ass reason I have failed to follow the laws of nature. I'm a freak of nature if you will.

I should be studied intensely I think. There is obviously some crazy ass arrangement of neurons in my brain that makes me view the world in a weird ass way. Contrary to evolution and maybe even the laws of physics as we know them.

Do you volunteer to dissect me?

PS- Oh and also mind games can be quite fun. Well when your not getting laid at least. It keeps my crazy ass arrangement of neurons occupied. If you dont like it, shoot me!

[Gigabitch]

I'm totally enjoying reading your weird-ass posts, Sooky. You have a very wry sense of humor about yourself.

So, is your boyfriend a dick, or what?

[Henry123]

I think the fear is a common fear among females (in particular to penetration and feeling pain). Sooky if you have a thoughtful and sensitive boyfriend it shouldnt be too bad (I would think). Of course if desire use alot of lube.
Hope that helps.

[King Zarathu]

Um... Yeah.... I studied Biology at University! I know all about reproduction and evolution and the general need of all living things to pass on their DNA to the next generation! Oh how well I do know this stuff! But I'm weird! For some crazy ass reason I have failed to follow the laws of nature. I'm a freak of nature if you will.

I should be studied intensely I think. There is obviously some crazy ass arrangement of neurons in my brain that makes me view the world in a weird ass way. Contrary to evolution and maybe even the laws of physics as we know them.

Do you volunteer to dissect me?

PS- Oh and also mind games can be quite fun. Well when your not getting laid at least. =P It keeps my crazy ass arrangement of neurons occupied. If you dont like it, shoot me!

Oh, I'll dissect you alright. And, I'd rid you of your problems, the hard way.

[Sooky]

Oh, I'll dissect you alright. And, I'd rid you of your problems, the hard way.

I recommend you start by removing my brain, and then replace it with the brain of a normal person. That'd probably cure me. Either that or just remove my brain. There you go. Problem solved.

I'm totally enjoying reading your weird-ass posts, Sooky. You have a very wry sense of humor about yourself.

So, is your boyfriend a dick, or what?

My bf is not a dick really, he's just a typical guy in being very sexual. He's a very caring and loving guy in many ways, I'm lucky really. And I wouldnt dream of blaming any of my weird ass fears or feelings about sex on him, thats all me. However, I agree that he may not be the right guy for me, as he is so sexual. But it just makes me think that there maybe no right guy for me. And with statistics as low as 1 guy in a million (probably even less that) who wont be dissapointed with no sex, its unlikely that I'll ever meet the "right" guy if I stick with my instincts. I guess I should just take Zarathru's advice. Just cut the crap and get laid. Then I can decide if its better to just put up with sex or live alone.

Its not an ideal world, people suffer in terrrible ways every day. Suffering sex will be nothing in comparison to that, so I dont see why I shouldnt just endure it and get on with life. So in conclusion I guess I know what I have to do. Its just a case of getting on with it.

Thanks for all the comments and advice though guys, is interesting to get lots of different views on the subject.

[King Zarathu]

I recommend you start by removing my brain, and then replace it with the brain of a normal person. That'd probably cure me. Either that or just remove my brain. There you go. Problem solved.

No. There's a "purification" process, first.

[Sooky]

No. There's a "purification" process, first.

What the hell are you on about? I may be a complete retard but you've lost me somewhere.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, he's just amusing himself. Most of the time he's just a smartass, and every now and then he comes up with really good, well-thought-out, heartfelt advice.

I wouldn't hold my breath.

Sooky, I hope you end up liking it after all.