hi Im married frustrated , sad...and all the above feelings u can have...help!!

[vashti]

Listen to Tiay. She's ****ing brilliant.

Didn't care for my perspective, huh? Oh well... you can't win them all.

[Tiay]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

+3

the life of a romance junkie doesn't sound fun. I'd like to think that it's possible to recover, bear through the withdrawal and feel better for it afterwards.

[misombra]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

+5 or whatever.

[Soulfire]

If it's not too late, save your marriage and keep your family together.

[Junket]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

+1,000,000,000!

...or maybe I should read your post before I go dishin' out that many points...

[b*tch]

Hi everyone...

I am in a dilemma... I am married..hes a good father and goood man ..only thing is he doesnt give me what I need emotionally and physically...yes we have sex ..few times a week even but he doesnt take the time for me. He doesnt call me sweet names like, love..sweetheart...hunny...i need those...also flirting and touching... u know what I mean? and yes I have told him over n over and hes doesnt listen. Anyway, I went on a trip lately..went and visited a man that would be cool to just hang out with ..go for a drink...i have been talking to him on the net for few yrs..was like a brother sister relationship nothing more..we each had other interests. Well we met and when we did..sparks flew like crazyyyy....me and my g/f hung out with him for about 5 hrs..and I never smiled n laughed and had feelings liek that since I was 14 yrs old..he feels same. We only kissed..n hugged..maybe lil groping in hallway of his place. Now I have a problem..he gives me what my husband doesnt... we want to meet and see where this goes... it might not work out...we dont know..but I cant picture myself looking into my husbands eyes and hurting him this way...Im going crazy.... any questons or suggestions?? Friends say go spend a week or so with this guy privatly without hubby knowing see how it goes first before u give everything up and ruin your life...

First of, I feel sorry to hear about the unstability of your marriage which could cause a dilemma to your kid/kids incase it would wreck.

BTW, do you consider those people as friends who taught you to cheat? they are not real friends. if they were, they won't give you such immature and immoral advice for spending private time with that guy without your hubby's awareness.

... give yourself a time to think and do what's right. you are in the verge of confusion because you dealt with a man who has an ability to satisfy you emotionally which unfortunately your hubby couldn't.

as much as possible, save the marriage by looking back on what your man had done. assess every angle of the relationship. you never know, a man you just knew and met could only make you happy for a while.

[The Great OV!!!]

First of, I feel sorry to hear about the unstability of your marriage which could cause a dilemma to your kid/kids incase it would wreck.

BTW, do you consider those people as friends who taught you to cheat? they are not real friends. if they were, they won't give you such immature and immoral advice for spending private time with that guy without your hubby's awareness.

... give yourself a time to think and do what's right. you are in the verge of confusion because you dealt with a man who has an ability to satisfy you emotionally which unfortunately your hubby couldn't.

as much as possible, save the marriage by looking back on what your man had done. assess every angle of the relationship. you never know, a man you just knew and met could only make you happy for a while.

I am impressed.

[Tiay]

the original poster has disappeared anyway tho.

[Chloe]

Can you blame the poor thing for disappearing? Just for the record, how many of you are married? Just because you are married, doesn't mean you stop being human. Give the girl a break... she is frustrated, scared and came here for advice, not to be beheaded. Not everyone jumped down her throat, but some of the comments were pretty hurtful....I think. Hats off Tiay for having the most compassion...

Love makes us crazy. Everyone looks for excitement in their life. I think humans are one of maybe three mammals on the planet that are strictly manogamous. If I look at a man in the mall and thinks he has a cute ass, is that cheating??? If a man looks at a woman and lusts after her, is he cheating? I know you are all going to jump down my throat and tell me that she hid her interaction with him and actually had physical contact with him, but the truth is maybe she is needing more in her life than her husband is giving her. Rather than screaming at her about her morals, perhaps advising her and encouraging her to talk to her husband about her needs and explore what she is looking for with marriage counseling, etc. would be a better approach. We all come here for help. I just feel like everyone jumped on her. I know I am new, but give the woman a break.

[vashti]

I am married, Chloe, and probably for a lot longer than the original poster. Therefore, I feel my perspective is based on experience. Most of these posters probably come from broken homes where infidelity may have played a part. Therefore, they also have a valid perspective. BTW - the poster you felt showed the most compassion is from an intact family and isn't married, not that this diminishes the value of her perspective. Perhaps the rest of us simply feel more compassion for her husband and kid(s).

EDIT: My point is, I don't think anyone's perpspective is necessarily the ultimate authority. We all have opinions based on our own perspectives, and we are not all obligated to feel compassion for the same things.

And no, looking at or lusting after someone isn't cheating, but pursuing a relationship is.

[Tiay]

Can you blame the poor thing for disappearing? Just for the record, how many of you are married? Just because you are married, doesn't mean you stop being human. Give the girl a break... she is frustrated, scared and came here for advice, not to be beheaded. Not everyone jumped down her throat, but some of the comments were pretty hurtful....I think. Hats off Tiay for having the most compassion...

Love makes us crazy. Everyone looks for excitement in their life. I think humans are one of maybe three mammals on the planet that are strictly manogamous. If I look at a man in the mall and thinks he has a cute ass, is that cheating??? If a man looks at a woman and lusts after her, is he cheating? I know you are all going to jump down my throat and tell me that she hid her interaction with him and actually had physical contact with him, but the truth is maybe she is needing more in her life than her husband is giving her. Rather than screaming at her about her morals, perhaps advising her and encouraging her to talk to her husband about her needs and explore what she is looking for with marriage counseling, etc. would be a better approach. We all come here for help. I just feel like everyone jumped on her. I know I am new, but give the woman a break.

Thank you I really appreciate that. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. And if I scare someone off with being too frank, then what was the point of giving advice in the first place? Just to shout my opinion? There should be more to giving advice than that.

I have to nitpick one thing though; humans are not monogamous, and increasingly research shows we're not genetically designed to be monogamous. And certainly not strictly, by a very long shot.
A few dozen mammals seem to be monogamous (some bats, foxes, certain species of mice and rats, the giant otter of South America, the northern beaver, a few kinds of seals, small African antelope like the duiker, klipspringer and dik-dik) but many species believed to be monogamous are in fact not entirely so.
It's safe to say that humans aren't as monogamous as some other species by far. Chimps and bonobos, our closest relatives, are wildly promiscuous.

"Sexual monogamy is defined as having sex with just one partner who is not having sex with anyone else. Social monogamy is less restrictive, and much more common in the animal world. (More than 90 percent of birds are defined as socially monogamous. They commonly form distinct male-female pair-bonds, but these relationships tend not to be sexually exclusive) Prairie voles are considered to be a near-perfect monogamous species. They form pair-bonds that share a nest. Both male and female actively protect each other, their territory and their young. The male is an active parent and, if one dies, the survivor does not take a new mate.
Still, it's not uncommon for a prairie vole, male or female, to engage in the occasional sexual dalliance with a vole not his or her mate.

above information googled from: [url]http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/science/20020904-9999_mz1c4monogam.html[/url]

the article also says: "sperm competition is essentially another way of saying nonmonogamy"

Think about that. Guys produce these types of sperm:

Killer sperm (kills sperm from other males), blocker sperm (constructs copulatory plugs to prevent further insemination), family-planning sperm (kills all sperm), and.. there was another one.... oh yeah, the fertiliser sperm, of course.

Sounds like some hefty sperm competition to me.


anyways, don't mean to be a wise ass, as I would've said the exact same thing as you if I hadn't just researched it. I just find this type of thing incredibly interesting.

[Chloe]

Vashti, thanks for your comments. I appreciate the fact that your opinion came as an individual that is married and has been through the trials and tribulations of such. I guess my thing is how do we know what happens behind closed doors in their home? As someone else said "It takes two to have a problem in a marriage".

Tiay, nah - you're not nitpicking. I should have said humans are "suppose" to be monogamous and yes, it is interesting because we are organic beings (not to mention sexual beings) and I don't think social morals or religion or whatever can remove us that far from nature. I have had situations where I have spent time with a man and for whatever reason when I am with him, I ovulate! Have you ever had that experience? Now, that is nature at work! Unhappiness + nature can be dangerous, however, I also think that any person should explore their own happiness before they commit to a life of unhappiness for their kids or a spouse who is less than a full partner. Communication is everything. Plus, we all know that men have to be hit on the head before they "get it". They don't understand us until we point it our for them...Guys, don't go nuts on me for this, but my girlfriends and I have a saying about men "They're cute and they smell nice, but they're stupid." But, we love you all anyway. Personally, I like the smell

[vashti]

I guess my thing is how do we know what happens behind closed doors in their home?

We don't, which means it is entirely possible that her behavior is the primary problem.

As someone else said "It takes two to have a problem in a marriage".

Yeah, only I don't believe that is always the case.

[Tiay]

we are organic beings (not to mention sexual beings) and I don't think social morals or religion or whatever can remove us that far from nature.

agreed

I have had situations where I have spent time with a man and for whatever reason when I am with him, I ovulate! Have you ever had that experience?

no, that's weird. A lot of people doubt that women can tell when it happens. I haven't researched it enough (or.. at all) to know what the evidence is.

Guys, don't go nuts on me for this, but my girlfriends and I have a saying about men "They're cute and they smell nice, but they're stupid." But, we love you all anyway. Personally, I like the smell

wait hold on! we now have a lesbian on here? awesome!
apparently, during orgasm men release a specific smell/pheromone that encourages bonding hormones. Nature is pretty damn cool. Not to say that lesbianism isn't natural, tho; it's just as common among animals as it is among humans. It's funny how for years, researched dismissed that animal behaviour as mere bonding ritual or, for the males, sparring/competition. Now it's pretty clear that those gay pairs defend each other from opposite-sex come-ons and do not mate with the opposite sex even when given ample opportunity. I love looking at animal behaviour, you may have guessed by now.

and now i'm going to sleep... (:

[TheSphinx]

I just find this type of thing incredibly interesting.

If you'd like to read further into this subject, Tiay, the book Sperm Wars by Robin Baker is a terrific resource.