Hard Predicament

[Tiay]

wow, Grk, I think you're on to something.. at least, that is often the case with people who "never have an argument!".

[GrkScorp]

Nah, I think someone, somewhere around the world has done some research on it, came up with some statistics, and published it in some scholarly paper by now.. so it's probably nothing original or profound.. lol

But there are however, much deeper questions that are left unanswered out there... like.. for instance.. what part of europe are you from?

[thealoneone]

Thanks for all the replies.

Well she moved out yesterday. She wants to see me again. Thats possibly a bad move.

We did bond and have most things in common outwith living together. We gave each other space when we needed it.

[Indus18]

You know aloneone, the same thing happened to me: the "I love you as a friend" spiel after a year of dating, and, at the time, the cynicism of the world had not yet penetrated my idealistic young mind. She had just turned 17, I had just turned 19, and we had a small distance between us, so I hadn't been able to give her her birthday card yet. I knew I wouldn't be able to drive over and see her for a while, so I bought this e-card-making software the same day, created a card with pictures of us in it, while "our song" played in the background, wrote a letter, and listed 17 reasons (some funny, some serious, some just cute) why I was positive that our love was more than that of mere friends.

She said it was amazing; that it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her. She loved it. And the next day...she told me she still wasn't sure if she loved me as more than a friend. I had an exam this day, and I had spent over 2 hours getting this software and making this card. I was so upset at its apparent lack of effect, that I said fine, well, I guess I cna't love someone as a friend who treats me so erratically, and I definitely can't love you as a GF, so let's go our separate ways.

Then I started hanging out a lot with one of her best friends who lives near me, and within 2 weeks, she was asking for me back. Girls are funny. If you think your love was genuine, and you think there's no one else, in her life, give some space, be confident, start to move on, and she'll come back. If she doesn't, she wasn't worth it anyways... that's my advice.

[Tiay]

and did you get back with her or were you already set free, indus?

But there are however, much deeper questions that are left unanswered out there... like.. for instance.. what part of europe are you from?

born/raised in Ireland, family from Germany... damnit, I lost my cloud of mystery.

[GrkScorp]

and did you get back with her or were you already set free, indus?



born/raised in Ireland, family from Germany... damnit, I lost my cloud of mystery.

Wow, quite a mix.. but that must mean you have amazing skin... Ireland does wonders for the skin.. but.. it also depends where you live right now.. because i know people that move out of Ireland into New York for instance start getting cracks in their skin very fast..

I dunno if it's New York, but the skin around my knuckles is starting to get less moist.. maybe i'm just getting old..

[Tiay]

Wow, quite a mix.. but that must mean you have amazing skin... Ireland does wonders for the skin.. but.. it also depends where you live right now.. because i know people that move out of Ireland into New York for instance start getting cracks in their skin very fast..

I dunno if it's New York, but the skin around my knuckles is starting to get less moist.. maybe i'm just getting old..

are you saying I shouldn't eventually move to my boyfriend who's in New York? Actually, I agree, New York is not kind to skin.. though I didn't get cracks after the 3 months I was there this summer. Ireland is great, but you get no tan whatsoever..

[GrkScorp]

Well.. no no.. please.. don't NOT move to New York because of your skin.. lol..

I mean.. Ireland is actually one of the best places to be around the world for your skin.. the relative humidity is nearly 70%+ all the time.. so your skin really gets all the moisture it needs..

New York is pretty humid also, i'd say about 45-60%, which is not that bad.. but a little towards the dry during the cold months. But that's ok.. I guess throughout the entire year.. u'll probably get about 2 really dry months.. where u can just stay inside because it'll be so cold anyway.. and when u're inside.. just turn up a humidifier.. you'll be fine..

And, you can finally tan.. but don't go crazy if you're like someone with an Irish skin complexion.. you'll only get sun spots and more defined freckles... Try it in moderation until you see your skin tone actually changing... maybe start off with 1 hour in the sun the first day... then wait 1 day.. and then try 2 hours... and so on.. give your skin at least a one day break in the begining.. lol

O.K. wow.. i've never felt more gay in my life than right now.. this is officially the gayest thing i've ever talked about.. so.. i'm going to just stop..

[Indus18]

and did you get back with her or were you already set free, indus?

lol, sadly, Tiay, I got back with her. She was the only girl I've ever been in love with, and I really (naively) thought we'd end up together. I was in a relationship w/ her for 2 years after that. Now, I am a "free man" for the first time since I was 17. Definitely feels odd. :-\

[GrkScorp]

lol, sadly, Tiay, I got back with her. She was the only girl I've ever been in love with, and I really (naively) thought we'd end up together. I was in a relationship w/ her for 2 years after that. Now, I am a "free man" for the first time since I was 17. Definitely feels odd. :-

Well.. enjoy this feeling.. I'm not saying relationships are bad, but your first relationship as a guy typically blows.. I like to think of it as the first and possibly (only) relationship where you are the woman.

You totally get pushed over, get taken for granted, do all this work and put so much effort into the relationship to make the other person happy, and get very little in return. You reach the point where your only pleasure is seeing the other person happy, and you deny the fact that this is wrong, by simply listening to her say "how good of a person you are, and how lucky she is to have you".

But what's important is that you moved past that. I mean, when it comes down to a timeframe of (years), that can be rough.. You must feel like a domesticated animal going out to the wild for the first time. But it's ok, it's not that bad.

Remember, people love to meet new people. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says to themselves, "I hope I don't meet anyone interesting, fun or attractive today". And don't think that you won't find someone else. Women have a very complicated, but (logical, YES logical!) subconcious.

The hardest part is already over, you found someone when you had no prior experience! But now, you have experience (years worth of it), and in the eyes of a woman, (all else constant), that's a good thing, placing you in a more favorable position than those without experience. Plus, you're no loveforum.net! lol

I mean, it's obvious your a very sensitive guy, more sensitive than most other guys anyway. That's a good thing, (it doesn't mean your gay). Women want a (MAN), so don't be afraid to let out the man in you once in a while, but don't go all (macho-jerk/primitive barbarian) either. There's a fine line between a sensitive guy, and a manly chick. Overall, be a man, and don't let go of your sensitive side either. Keep that in mind, and you'll be alright, I think you have all the tools you need to find someone else in your life..

[Tiay]

*sigh*.. yeah, sensitive yet manly. yes. o-ohh yesss..

how do you know so much about humidity and stuff, grk? I guess pollution would come into it too. do you mean tanning as in at a tanning place, or the natural way? Sunshine should be free.. but there just isn't enough of it here to be able to actually lie down and tan.
I'm not genetically irish, nor am I a blonde/blue eyed/light example of a typical german complexion.. at least, from what i've heard about that. You should've seen my tan after two weeks in ibiza, it was brilliant!

[Indus18]

Well.. enjoy this feeling.. I'm not saying relationships are bad, but your first relationship as a guy typically blows.. I like to think of it as the first and possibly (only) relationship where you are the woman.

You totally get pushed over, get taken for granted, do all this work and put so much effort into the relationship to make the other person happy, and get very little in return. You reach the point where your only pleasure is seeing the other person happy, and you deny the fact that this is wrong, by simply listening to her say "how good of a person you are, and how lucky she is to have you".

But what's important is that you moved past that. I mean, when it comes down to a timeframe of (years), that can be rough.. You must feel like a domesticated animal going out to the wild for the first time. But it's ok, it's not that bad.

Remember, people love to meet new people. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says to themselves, "I hope I don't meet anyone interesting, fun or attractive today". And don't think that you won't find someone else. Women have a very complicated, but (logical, YES logical!) subconcious.

The hardest part is already over, you found someone when you had no prior experience! But now, you have experience (years worth of it), and in the eyes of a woman, (all else constant), that's a good thing, placing you in a more favorable position than those without experience. Plus, you're no loveforum.net! lol

I mean, it's obvious your a very sensitive guy, more sensitive than most other guys anyway. That's a good thing, (it doesn't mean your gay). Women want a (MAN), so don't be afraid to let out the man in you once in a while, but don't go all (macho-jerk/primitive barbarian) either. There's a fine line between a sensitive guy, and a manly chick. Overall, be a man, and don't let go of your sensitive side either. Keep that in mind, and you'll be alright, I think you have all the tools you need to find someone else in your life..

hahaha, man, Grk, it was startling how similar your description of a first relationship was to the way my actual first relationship was for quite some time. Well...i mean, I had one "relationship" prior to her: Beautiful latina girl, but that was pre-puberty and so doesn't really count. We're still friends though...she's still beautiful...I should give her a call...

Anyways, I'm getting side-tracked. I feel bad for getting off "thealoneone"s topic, but I guess that's how forums generally function. I've been on quite a few dates, I'm planting the "seeds of interest" (these are metaphorical seeds, just to be clear) in most cute girls I meet, but I haven't found anyone I REALLY want to be in a relationship with. One thing my last relationship has done is make me really picky. None of the girls I've taken out this year have gotten calls back, if that's any indicator.

And yeah, as for being sensitive, but still a man, that started to kick in probably about the time of that anecdote I shared (i.e. me going after another girl after she treated me badly) but didn't really solidify 'til last year when things went REALLY sour. Now she calls me and IMs me ALL the time (5 MONTHS after the break-up!) to tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her, that she misses me every day, and that she was a fool to treat me the way she did, etc, but my love has finally dissipated, and her words leave not a scratch on my shiny new armor. It's grand.

P.S. I'm enjoying yours and Tiay's conversation about tanning. I, however, am a Really fair-skinned North Indian (I usually get mistaken for Italian, or something Mediterranean, because I have a semi-Caucasian look to me as well, though I'm also mistaken for Arabic quite a bit) which translates to a perfect tan all year round.

[thealoneone]

We met for dinner and drinks the other night and we laughed a lot. It was such good fun and she didnt want to go back to her new flat.

I was playing it cool, enjoying her company. But the way she was looking at me at times.. hmm maybe Im deluded.

This is wierd.

[thealoneone]

I need advice about the last post.

As I said she kept looking at me when I was at the bar etc.. am I deluded?

She said that she thought for a few weeks about her feelings and decided she didnt love me. NO reason no catalyst.

We will see each other again, but I keep thinking that there could be something still there..

[thealoneone]

Hi everyone,

Well its been over a month now and its still hard. I have my good days and bad, but the weekends is where my mind wanders and I think of her.

We are still in touch, the occasional text message/email. The thing is though, she is still in control of the whole situation and I should just leave her to it. She wants to be friends but that comes at the price of " as long as you know we will never be together"

That makes me angry. I dont understand some women. Some women want the love, the friendship, the intimacy, but when they get it they cant either handle it or get tired of it.

Im not a saint, but Id rather accept when relationships end, there is a proper reason instead of the " you did nothing wrong "..