Everything you never wanted to know about me.

[Moonchild]

Charlie Boy, I'd make a comment, but I'm supposed to play nice with people who don't have a brain, aren't I? =)

[Kiechi]

I'll read the remaining 3 posts demain and get back to you.

[Illusional]

damn, i skipped all the way to the bottom to find kie's post... i didn't see anything about you. moonchild you liar.

raverboy

[anachronistic]

**IF YOU SKIPPED, START HERE.**

I have problems. Social anxiety disorder--I've been speaking with someone here on campus about it. Public speaking phobia. Just... general social dysfunction. She has problems. Stress from class, stress from parents, stress from parents /moving/... I no longer agree with her on the "psychologists don't help" point. Ranting has its uses. But... Excuse how I phrase this, but we're both really ****ed up and I don't know what to do anymore. Loving her doesn't even come into play here--I want my friend to be okay. I want to /help/. I just don't know how.

I was in a similar predicament in the past, with a girlfriend of 3 years. When we broke up, she seemed to change completely, all for the better. I am happy about that, but I have crusted over it, I feel like I'm some sort of disease that was making her ill.

Don't feel like you are responsible for her problems and that you need to help her. "Each to his own", they say. Figure out your own stuff!

[Moonchild]

I don't know how to figure out my own stuff. D= Count one, therapy. Count two... Er, there is no count two. I just hate being around a lot of people. ._.; That's why I'm on here so often and not actually living. Because it scares the crap out of me.

[Mish]

I have problems. Social anxiety disorder--I've been speaking with someone here on campus about it. Public speaking phobia. Just... general social dysfunction. She has problems. Stress from class, stress from parents, stress from parents /moving/... I no longer agree with her on the "psychologists don't help" point. Ranting has its uses. But... Excuse how I phrase this, but we're both really ****ed up and I don't know what to do anymore. Loving her doesn't even come into play here--I want my friend to be okay. I want to /help/. I just don't know how.

Moonchild, it sounds like what she needs is emotional support and a lot of confirmation of her real life abilities (with some real examples of why she is not what she says when depressed). It looks like she is saying that people are not understanding her because they are not understanding or not listening to her on the emotional level. Not many people have the ability of empathic listening. When people feel like this they need to be listened to with ears, eyes, arms and the heart. They will only feel understood when their emotions are affirmed and reciprocated. There really is not a lot you can do if you are not seeing her face to face to do this for her. You can try fishing out and separating her emotions from her text and working on them, but over the net this will be a very long battle for you. Text makes up only 10% of communication, as you know it's very easy to be misunderstood.

For you Moon, you say you hate being around people? Social anxiety? Do other people bring out in you feelings of inferiority? This is not at all unusual or rare. It has a lot to do with self esteem and it's completely possible to recover from it. Basically, you need to rebuild your confidence in yourself by taking small steps towards becoming that person you see as worthy. Easier said than done, but with small paces in the right direction this can be achieved.

[DoesntMatter]

Moonie, your friend has to deal with those types of problems mainly on her own. I'm not dismissing her problems but I mean... you really can't let classes get you down.

And social anxiety is something you can work on rather easily, just be around people more often. If you are living in a dorm, leave your door open, hang out in the TV or study lounge or whatever you have and talk to people on your floor, go to parties with people you know, etc.

I used to be rather socially "anxious" myself but college has helped me loosen up a lot more around people (and I mean even when I'm sober). You have to let it do that to you. It took a bit of work to do this, but you have to kind of change the way you think. I use to be pretty self-conscious, but the last year or so I randomly took the "I really don't care what other people think about me AT ALL" attitude and it worked wonders.

You have to realize that there are many people who won't like you for that, and some people who will. But there is nothing wrong with people disliking you! I'm not gonna say take that attitude of "**** them" but take the attitude of "Why would I care?"

[Moonchild]

you really can't let classes get you down..

How about the fact that classes and family have been the reason I've gotten about twelve hours of sleep total in the past four days, and I think I'm getting a little delusional? D=

And social anxiety is something you can work on rather easily, just be around people more often. If you are living in a dorm, leave your door open, hang out in the TV or study lounge or whatever you have and talk to people on your floor, go to parties with people you know, etc.

That's exactly what I'm frightened of, though. XD Mishanya's got a point on the gradual exposure thing, but that's what makes this a little more difficult--how do you gradually expose yourself to people? There usually seems to be a jump from four to thirty. I can deal with four.

[Gigabitch]

The answer to the social exposure thing is study groups. I'm still friends with some of the people I used to sweat over calculus problems with. There were about six of us who met up regularly, with our armfuls of Dork Studies textbooks, our quirky brains and our immense capacity to ingest caffeine.

Before that, I had always studied alone, not wanting the distraction of company, but I found that it didn't impact my grades negatively at all, and I met a great group of friends.

Rule #1: Be picky. It's hard to get rid of someone once they've settled in (I'm thinking about Lunch Guy, here). Don't always meet in the same place with your Chosen Ones, or you'll be too easy to glom on to.

[Moonchild]

Mm, that's a decent idea, I suppose. Issue one is that I have problems approaching people and tend to rely on them approaching me or someone else doing introductions. Two, I don't study. >> I should have, when I finished up Calculus III, but I played Final Fantasy III in that class and didn't fail, so...

Mrr. People are so... complicated.

EDIT: And I'm really out of it. e_e; I need to stay awake for another nine and a half hours before I can fall over and finally get a good night.

[Gigabitch]

Mm, that's a decent idea, I suppose. Issue one is that I have problems approaching people and tend to rely on them approaching me or someone else doing introductions. Two, I don't study. >> I should have, when I finished up Calculus III,

Agreed, if you pay attention in class you don't need to study all that much, but at some point or another, you'll come up against a bitch of a class. Better to have the habit of studying firmly in place.

Have you thought about working just a bit at the tutoring center? That would throw you into contact with people. DM is right- it really is just a matter of exposure.

Meeting people will never be easier than it is right now- college is all about meeting people. This is something you should pay attention to, because you might want some of this social facility later in life.

[Moonchild]

Have you thought about working just a bit at the tutoring center?

Oh good lord no. There's one person over there in particular who I can't /stand/.

...And you kind of need to be recommended by the professor for a particular course. ;_;

[DoesntMatter]

how do you gradually expose yourself to people? There usually seems to be a jump from four to thirty. I can deal with four.

If you're having THAT much trouble, I would recommend getting extra shit-faced or balls-to-the-wall high, but you seem like an upstanding citizen so maybe you don't want to go that route.

Or just wait until you are really incredibly tired (which it sounds like you are getting near that point) and then you won't care.

First week or so at school was a bit awkward at times having your privacy always invaded, but now I'll wake up in the morning and there will be people in my room talking with my roommate and it doesn't phase me in the slightest. Maybe you should try physically exposing yourself to your floormates to some degree. If you can comfortably carry on a conversation wrapped just in a towel after a shower, you'll feel even more comfortable around them with clothes on! I discovered that on my own


PS- Where do you go to skool?

[Mish]

That's exactly what I'm frightened of, though. XD Mishanya's got a point on the gradual exposure thing, but that's what makes this a little more difficult--how do you gradually expose yourself to people? There usually seems to be a jump from four to thirty. I can deal with four.

Imo it has a lot more to do with self perception than perception of other people. Social anxiety is mostly your own thoughts telling you that you do not trust other people, other people will hurt you and ultimately you are not worthy to be with them. You have to work on this self perception, reassuring yourself of your worthiness. You can do this by targeting what makes you feel unworthy? Not enough confidence? Take up a sport and prove your confidence to yourself. Feeling you are not charitable? Start giving more unconditionally to people. Your self percpetion will be re-inforced by others and your self esteem will follow.

When you become confident, you will no longer be held back in your assumptions of perception of other people. You will approach them confidently and you will start seeing yourself in others. This hurdle which seems imposible at the moment, will get easier with time.

[xmoongirlx]

Imo it has a lot more to do with self perception than perception of other people. Social anxiety is mostly your own thoughts telling you that you do not trust other people, other people will hurt you and ultimately you are not worthy to be with them. You have to work on this self perception, reassuring yourself of your worthiness. You can do this by targeting what makes you feel unworthy? Not enough confidence? Take up a sport and prove your confidence to yourself. Feeling you are not charitable? Start giving more unconditionally to people. Your self percpetion will be re-inforced by others and your self esteem will follow.

When you become confident, you will no longer be held back in your assumptions of perception of other people. You will approach them confidently and you will start seeing yourself in others. This hurdle which seems imposible at the moment, will get easier with time.

God I love the way u write! So true what ur saying, applies to me too! I hate public speaking, but I'll have to overcome that with time, since my major has to do with public speaking!