When is Text messaging cheating

[Only-virgins]

Direct confrontation, it is the only option that is here.

[Notsure]

Well it seems that everyone agrees that I should be concerned about all the texting and that it is cheating on some level and it has the potential to to be more.
It's about 50/50 on contacting his wife. My thought on this is that she should know and she could find out if there was more than texting. She may want this info encase she wants a divorce (if theres more to the story)? I would also like some more concrete facts if possible before I ask someone to leave. I don't want to live under a cloud of suspicion nor
do I want to live with the guilt of asking someone to leave for something that could be no more than sophomoric attention grabbing behavior.
I think we all agree it should wait until the Holidays are over to approach this matter with her.
50/50 on the direct approach and about the same for the alternative approach.

[misombra]

confronting the wife would only be masking your own relationship problems.

this is what i think your logic is:

i'll tell her.
she'll take action.
i won't have to.

is that right? it only seems like a good idea because you're not directly confronting anybody. you're ratting out her husband.

you need to tell your girlfriend what you know and not anybody else.

[Notsure]

Ratting him out, I'm not totally committed to it but he does have a hand in it also.
Skirting the responsibility, no more like trying to have an informed plan before making a rush to judgment before I do and I will confront her.

I don't have all the answers that's why I'm on this forum. So I propose the question to you: Is this type of text messaging behavior cheating and if so to what degree?

[vashti]

I don't think it is technically cheating, but it is certainly inappropriate. Cheating includes some form of sex in my book. Obviously, it could also escalate to the level of physical cheating.

[misombra]

nah. i'll bet she gets over it when she realizes that they're not going anywhere.

[Gigabitch]

Ratting him out, I'm not totally committed to it but he does have a hand in it also.

Yes, but you're not having a relationship with him, and you need to deal with your woman, not his.

Is this type of text messaging behavior cheating and if so to what degree?

I think it could be. Who knows? There could be all kinds of reasons for this, but it's definitely suspect.

I think you should think this through, all the way to the end. Think about the various possible conclusions to this problem:

1. You break up.
2. You don't break up, she tells you to MYOFB and starts getting a lot smarter about leaving a trail of evidence.
3. You don't break up, she has an explanation that makes it all okay, you live happily ever after.
4. You don't break up, she confesses an indiscretion and you forgive her.
5. Etc.

What are you hoping will happen, here?

[GrkScorp]

Ratting him out, I'm not totally committed to it but he does have a hand in it also.
Skirting the responsibility, no more like trying to have an informed plan before making a rush to judgment before I do and I will confront her.

I don't have all the answers that's why I'm on this forum. So I propose the question to you: Is this type of text messaging behavior cheating and if so to what degree?

ugh.. listen.. the issue here isn't with the other guy, or with his wife.. honestly.. you're just being a wuss for even making the fake excuse to yourself that "his wife has to know".. screw his wife.. your wife is who's important here.. nobody else matters in this picture..

do the whole 2-step emotional blackmail guilt-trip fiesta i've written out for you.. then come back and stick to it.. pretend you have found out everything.. be completely confident; but don't reveal your sources.. REMEMBER.. (you've found out everything; and you are pissed).. so you want her to apologize, and explain why she did what she did.. without you having to spell it out for her.. you're going to use guilt as a lever to make her confess it..

In the little time that you're away, and she's going to see the picture of the two of you together, and then call up that guy.. and find out that you know.. she's going to be re-thinking the whole thing.. "what have I done? oh god!" blah blah..

this is really the ONLY way you're going to find out what happened.. you can't exactly hire a detective to find out if they HAD sex, or if they DID something.. because there's no paper trail or video or pictures about things in the past.. the only thing that there is to capture that.. is her own memory.. and the only way to have her truthfully come out about it.. is to make her feel guilty.. sorry.. and then be open and accepting and forgiving, so as to show her and make her feel like it's alright to confess and just be honest..

common.. it's really not that hard.. I don't see why you're even questioning it.. unless you're really intimidated by your wife.. that would be the only reason I could think of; which explains why you'd rather start talking to the guy's wife rather than dealing with your own wife..

remember.. the other two people in this picture are just TOOLS which are going to help you get information out of your wife.. that's the only purpose they have in your life.. especially since you don't even socialize with them.. so just do it.. I don't know what you're waiting for..