Comments About Other Women

[misombra]

She likes it loose between her legs.

u r a dum dum.

[Junket]

My mother and stepfather used to openly comment on attractive people on TV.

Then again, they had no respect for each other.

Me? I did that early on in the relationship and was quick to learn that Amy didn't like it. So I don't do it around her anymore.

[misombra]

it's just a big no no.

is he really really smart? because he has very little common sense.

[Gigabitch]

No, I'd say he's above average but not brilliant. My ex was smarter, actually, and never made comments about other women, but I don't want to switch back, even so.

[misombra]

sorry giga. like i said though, everybody has their issues.

try what i said earlier. it works really well.

[IndiReloaded]

sorry giga. like i said though, everybody has their issues.

I was thinking the same thing. You can tell him to stop mentioning it in front of you, but he is who he is.

Part of the problem is that he doesn't have his guy buddies here to do this stuff with. So you get to be his 'buddy'. Maybe he should try to make some new guy friends in NM.

[Gigabitch]

sorry giga. like i said though, everybody has their issues.

try what i said earlier. it works really well.

I think Pears would approve of your methods.

And yeah, indi, he did mention that he feels so comfortable around me he can say anything.

I said I thought he should keep some things to himself, like comments like that, peeing with the bathroom door open, and farting on the couch.

[IndiReloaded]

Too much comfort lies the way to contempt. You are right to keep some boundaries in place.

[Junket]

Me and Amy finally did our own things with different people this past weekend.

It was awesome.

Does he have friends?

[Illusional]

wow, before scorps stepped in, i thought this was going to be another female bitching thread.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

Are you saying guys don't mind if their girlfriends make comments like "Ooo- this is the part where he takes his shirt off!"?

Story of my life.. lol

My Indian-ex-gf, would go crazy over this guy Abishek Bachan (spelling not accurate, just sounding it out phonetically).. then he got married to Ash (Aishwariya Rai), so she was going crazy over Shah Ruk Khan.. every film.. "OMG, he looks so good! Ah! I have to show you! I recorded it! Look at his abs! Omg so hot! He looks so hot in this movie with his shirt off"

Does it bother guys? Not really, I thought it was cute, and if other guys where in a relationship, i'm sure they would find it cute too.. Plus for me personally.. I was looking for aspects about those actors that she was attracted to.. for instance, she was attracted to Khan's "power", he had this aggressive/cocky look, and voice that drove her nuts..

So, it depends which way you look at it.. you can learn a lot about a woman by which guys she's genuinely interested in.. in economics.. it's called "revealed preferences".. but I would understand why it would be frustrating as a woman..

For a guy, you can see what aspects of this guy the girl likes.. George Clooney for instance has a certain look.. sure.. but it goes beyond his look.. his posture, his expressiveness, his voice and the way he talks, his eyes and they power they have, and the masculinity that's conveyed through his movements and behavior.. and for a guy, that's stuff he can work on and adapt to, to make his partner happy and satisfy her preferences..

For a girl, you can see what "parts" of this girl the guy likes.. Let's take Eva Green for instance (who's my favorite actress).. I love everything about her.. her sophistication, her calm, her lips, her eyes, her skin, her smile, her face, her neck, her shoulders, her back, her femininity, etc.. Now, how much of that can any woman really try and match? Not much.. unless anyone can change their face, or lips, or eyes! You get the point.. So women can't really look at this as a constructive process.. to women, it almost seems like their guy is going on and on about his preferences, and reminding her about how she'll never be able to match them or satisfy them fully or perfectly.. it's very harsh.. and simply rude.. insensitive..

Personally.. well.. I shouldn't say that to imply that it's just me.. but a lot of guys.. and the majority of my guy friends, don't say such things to the women they're exclusive with.. sh*t.. I don't even mention that with women i'm just dating! It's one thing to toy around with the female ego a little, it's something completely different to really bash it like that.. Think of it like having a woman constantly talking about gigantic d*cks, and how she's watched this porn flick with the "perfect penis" which was so thick and smooth, and long, and the shape was perfect! Now, I can guarantee you, that if he heard this day-by-day.. his male ego would be down below the floor tiles..

But there's a reason guys and girls don't do this to eachother.. and that's because of respect for the other person, love for the other person, and consideration & understanding of how the other person would feel..

Honestly Giga, he should already be understanding enough to not do this.. but if you don't want to take the indirect approach.. you can just talk about it.. I know you've tried.. but don't offer "punishments" (if you don't stop, i'll..).. talk constructively about it.. really get him to feel you, to understand how it is for you.. I'm starting to lose my faith with guys lately.. the stuff I hear just blows my mind away.. but let's hope he's at least considerate enough to understand with a pure-direct approach.. if not.. you have bigger issues on your hands

[AnotherPoster]

Very eloquent post by GrkScorp above. You seem to have a certain appreciation of women, at least enough to research into their general mentality/insecurities. I feel like I'm intruding a bit here (being a new poster), but want to throw in my two cents.

I couldn't think of a single woman I knew who wouldn't have a problem with it.

Anybody? Speak up, girls...

Eh and meh, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all; we all look at attractive people. Of course it's nice to feel like you're the only woman he sees, but that's just not the reality of things. All of us see a solid piece of eye candy every now and then. Doesn't mean we want to **** the candy (well, I guess it does for the majority of men); it's simply nice to look at. Consider the word 'it' highlighted.

Personally, I find it scary when men don't find other women attractive, and I don't mind them pointing it out at all. You still know whereabouts he is aiming his glimpses, so why the pretense? What are a few words going to change? I see the point about upholding certain limits in a relationship - I'm very picky about toilet rolls being put on the right way around, for instance, and try to nag at him in a foreign language when he doesn't, knowing that turns him on. Might not be the appropriate method, but it's good fun, and appears to have worked. However, this - what you're advocating - is just an unnecessary principle.

I like to know that my partner is comfortable enough with me to be able to comment on, say, a nice ass. I do the same thing; comment on nice asses, be they female or male. Just recently, me and my guy were out when we saw a big ol' bum. Very shapely, fun to look at and quite frankly motivating (gym-wise, and such ). I commented on it this time, not he. He noticed, of course, but I sure as hell did too. Impressive ass, and there's no way around that.
What's to say a woman can't appreciate female beauty and vice versa? I certainly do. And yes, I'm a straight woman.
As long as it stays eye candy, everything is fine. I would find it more disrespectful to exert such a ridiculous limit upon my SO.

With that said, overdoing it can be downright...odd. Moderation is key, if only to avoid talking about appearance all day. I'd rather be using that time for something else (sex).

A lot of guys wouldn't mind as long as they know they're still gonna be pounding that girl

Exactly. As long as he's doing me, and I him, everything's tutto perfetto.

[vashti]

Giga - I was wondering if you suppose part of this is that he doesn't have any kids (especially daughters) of his own yet? I rarely hear of men his age overtly behaving this way (god knows the idea of men talking this way about their daughters is enough to make a grown man crazy). It's not that they are blind - they simply have learned to be more respectful to their partners and women in general. Then again, most of the men I know that are his age already have children and tend to be more protective and less predatory. Perhaps this is why I consider his behavior adolescent.

[misombra]

mikey doesn't have any kids, and he's younger, and he doesn't act that way.

i think it's just him. he doesn't know. you must teach him.

[vashti]

Giga - what is your primary issue? Are you concerned about his maturity level, or is this really more of a jealousy issue?