how to know if a guy is being with you just for physical contacts?

[Illusional]

Start telling him about something of interest to you only- like some class you're taking or something. If he keeps trying to push the conversation back to "When can I see you?", he's just in it for the physical.

bullshit... i used to listen all girls ramble and ramble because i wanted to sleep with them. i'm such a sweet guy when i want to be.

^^^ OV doesn't really dig you. He just wants to get into your pants.

but ultimately, this is every guys' goal. to get into the panties.

raverboy

[vashti]

If you want to know if a guy really likes you or if he just wants to sleep with you, don't have sex with him. If he hangs around anyway, he obviously likes you.

[Illusional]

If you want to know if a guy really likes you or if he just wants to sleep with you, don't have sex with him. If he hangs around anyway, he obviously likes you.

i always hang around longer than a month, but does that count?

raverboy

[vashti]

i always hang around longer than a month, but does that count?

raverboy

For you, the rules would change. I would know you liked me if the liquor was gone and you still hung around.

[Illusional]

For you, the rules would change. I would know you liked me if the liquor was gone and you still hung around.

haha it's a lucky thing for you then because with me, the liquor never runs dry. i got enough liquor to burn through all 3 of my livers, yes you heard right. it's the reason why i can be such an alcoholic and get away with it.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

If you want to know if a guy really likes you or if he just wants to sleep with you, don't have sex with him. If he hangs around anyway, he obviously likes you.

Haha.. lol

I've heard so many girls give this advice to other girls.. and this is all I have to say as a guy..

Ladies.. if you're not aroused to the point where you can't hold off the urge to have sex with him.. then do you really want to lock yourself in with someone like that? Then, fine, let's say he doesn't get you that turned-on.. if he's not socially intuitive enough to pick up on what you're doing, do you really want to deal with that lack of his social intuition later on when he's lacking the understanding and consideration for your emotions and feelings? Then, fine.. let's say all of that doesn't really matter to you.. let's pretend you're ok with that for now.. here's a little secret..

Guys who will stick around "hang around", are like little dogs waiting for you to give them a bone.. if a guy hangs around if you don't have sex with him even though you want to, it doesn't mean he loves you, it just means he's desperate..

Personally, i'm very punishing.. but if a guy is sitting around for beyond the 3rd or 4th date, and he's not giving you sex.. then, he's either slow.. or desperate, and will wait till kingdom come for anything he can get.. congrats, you've just proved to yourself that you're a last resort fcuk.. that you're the only woman willing to ever have sex with this guy, and he's hanging around forever until you do..

You have to understand.. for guys, sex is a means of expressing affection.. and it works both ways.. So while YES, you may be dealing with some desperate/loser guy who just wants to "get laid".. you can also be dealing with some quality guy.. the way to determine that is not by forcing yourself to hold out..

The way to determine that is during the conversation.. that's what the conversation is there for.. it's a surge of information.. an orgy of data.. that you're going to take and process.. and collect valuable information about the other person to make a judgement call of if this person qualifies as a girlfriend or not.. Now, if you (as a girl) feel that he isn't doing that in the conversation.. or that he is, but he's not really impressed by anything about YOU (as a person, excluding your looks).. then he's just looking for sex.. In which case, LJBF him (you're really sweet, and really nice, but..., let's just be friends).. and then keep him around, or just stop talking to him..

[vashti]

Personally, i'm very punishing.. but if a guy is sitting around for beyond the 3rd or 4th date, and he's not giving you sex.. then, he's either slow.. or desperate, and will wait till kingdom come for anything he can get.. ..

... or he is not an impatient child, but rather knows the value of delayed gratification.

[Only-virgins]

... or he is not an impatient child, but rather knows the value of delayed gratification.

Or better yet, is just enjoying the company. Can't a guy just like to be around a girl as if she was a friend?

+1 on this vent.

The way to meet interesting ppl, OV, is to do interesting things and be interesting yourself. Travel to cool places, take up interesting hobbies, do stuff that you find interesting.

BTW, if you think scientists/academics/professionals are more interesting than the norm you're in for a shock. Try it for yourself. Go out with a group of these ppl for lunch & try to bring up a topic that has nothing to do with work. Boooring.

Its in your non-work activities that you'll meet the interesting ones.

Just had to let it out . I don't know about the work thing. Some people are interesting and some aren't. It is an individual thing. Everyone is different. A lot of people also are interesting but never show it and keep it to themself. I enjoy the fact that everyone is so different and like the post above to vash, I can enjoy conversations with people just for the sake of conversation...but hey, like I said, some people are seriously boring.

[bohemiandonut]

what are the signs to find out that a guy is being with you/ having relationship just because he wants physical conctacts with you?

Here's a little checklist you can go over to find out:

1) Does he have a penis?

2) Does it work?

If your answers for (1) and (2) are YES and YES (respectively) than you can almost be assured that, indeed, it is just because he "wants physical conctacts with you?" (sic)

[GrkScorp]

Or better yet, is just enjoying the company. Can't a guy just like to be around a girl as if she was a friend?

Yeah.. absolutely.. that's what friends are for..

But seriously.. to each his own time-table.. but if the guy can feel that she wants it.. but is trying hard to resist giving in to what she wants to do.. then that little girl needs to be dropped home where she can play with her vibrator and fingers all night long.. and after she's dropped off.. you can give one of your "friends" a call, who's mature enough to be comfortable with her female or bisexual sexuality.. and is beyond the littly childish girly phase in her life of looking at "holding out" as some kind of virtue..

If the guy is still waiting around, for when a little girl is going to think to herself "he's waited all this time, he must really like me for me.. or, ok, now we've waited X-months, we're both ready now".. he:

- Doesn't have enough girl "friends"
- Doesn't have enough bisexual female "friends"
- Doesn't have enough lesbian "friends" (who will still have sex with guys btw)
- Can't find someone completely new, who he's interested in and be at this pre-sex point within the same time-frame
- Is not man enough to teach her a lesson and drop her off home all alone, until she grows up
- Is too desperate to risk losing perhaps the only chance he'll ever have at having sex

So, in effect.. congrats.. a girl who's done this, has just proven to herself that she's either a last resort fcuk (the only girl that this guy ever has a chance of having sex with), or that this guy is simply not that attracted to her yet (in which case, she's really not holding out, he's just not as motivated to have sex yet)

And what she HASN'T proved.. is ANYTHING about the level of interest he has in her for HER as a person..

Which is why.. you should (1) stop looking for weak excuses.. (2) put all that energy and focus into trying to be more attentive and perceptive towards what's said and asked during a conversation and how he reacts to what you say/do!

It can be very subtle.. For instance, one of the things i'm attracted to is assertiveness in a woman.. So after a girl takes the initiative to tell someone to move out of the way, or calls over a waiter, etc.. My eyes open up slightly, my eyebrows raise up slightly, I smile more, my voice inflection goes up.. all because she's now more attractive.. I like her more, because I like that quality in a person.. (but notice how this isn't really part of the conversation, just part of our interaction.. she happened to do something around me.. I liked it, I responded positively.. and it's something she can pick up on if she's perceptive enough)

My personal weakness is creativity.. I personally, absolutely melt around genuinely creative women who have a passion for what they do.. And when that either comes up during the conversation.. I dig to no end to fully explore that side of them.. and it's completely obvious.. she has to be really deft to not catch onto it.. Or I could walk into their home and they could be showing me their work.. (art, poetry, music, etc) and i'll look dazed, in my own world, like i'm under some spell.. she really has to be blind not to pick up on that..

So, there are definitely things to look out for.. but more than looking out for things.. just run a quick question through to yourself.. "what have I said or done that has made this guy more attracted to me?" ("I have no gag-reflex" doesn't count).. If you're not able to at least think of 1-2 things.. then you're probably just dealing with some loser who's only looking for sex.. In which case, if that's all you're looking for, be fully aware that he feels the same way.. but if that's not all you're looking for.. then there's no reason to bother taking things any further.. you can keep talking to try and perhaps see what he likes.. and if you can show him perhaps a part of you that he hasn't seen yet.. an aspect of your personality and character that hasn't come through yet.. but if you think you've shown all your true colors, and he's still not the least bit more impressed.. then he's not looking for a relationship.. sorry..

[vashti]

I suppose if you don't have a problem with promiscuity, poor self-eseem (which is tied to promiscuity) and increased risk of STDs, then screwing every guy who takes you on 3 dates is acceptable.

BTW - I didn't recommend any specific length of time, either.

It looks to me like the healthier relationships of the people on this forum are the ones where people DID exercise some patience and waited. (Frasbee and Tiay.) I don't consider either of them to be playing girly and childish games. Rather, it looks to me like they are both genuinely valued by their partners.

[dangira]

yes. this was my real question!

[GrkScorp]

I suppose if you don't have a problem with promiscuity, poor self-eseem (which is tied to promiscuity) and increased risk of STDs, then screwing every guy who takes you on 3 dates is acceptable.

Ok.. seriously.. I love all the claims without the logical flow.. "If you hold out, he'll take you more seriously and respect you more as a person, he'll like you for you.. if you don't, you're basically a slut.. so let me throw some words out there for you.. slut, promiscuity, STDs, easy, cheap, wh0re.. etc.." but seriously.. "why?"

Where is the logic, or at least "why?" do you say it's the case that it entails "promiscuity & poor self-esteem"? As you try really hard to think about a reason, and i'm not doubting you'll come up with many.. recall a woman's weapon against other women.. "slut"

That's right.. it's like a laser guided missle to her ego.. calling an other woman a "slut" either directly or indirectly.. trying hard to throw moral judgement on everything she does.. "You kissed him on the same night? you're such a wh-re! You had sex with him already! How much do you charge?".. we get it.. all these little wise-cracks that women make to other women, just to put the breaks on their sex life..

Now, i'm not claiming that some women aren't slutty.. yes they are.. but what slutty means.. is that she has very low or zero standards about the guy she's going to have sex with, and needs male validation constantly (usually sexual validation or attention) to keep her ego in place.. That's all fine and dandy.. but that's not the issue here..

The issue in this case.. is when girl meets guy.. guy likes girl, and girl likes guy.. and within a certain time-frame, which just happens to by let's say 3 dates.. there's so much chemistry between the two of them.. and so much connection.. that sex is the natural thing to do.. it just feels right for BOTH of them..

And now this girl thinks to herself.. "Well, Vash said on LF that if I do this.. blah blah.. i'm basically a slut, so even though it feels right, and we both have that connection and chemistry together, i'm going to hold off.. and let's not think about what exactly that means about the guy and me, the more he waits as I hold off, no, let's just focus on what Vash said and let myself feel like i'm not being a slut"..

The shocking reality is.. that it's usually the notties of a group, or jealous friends, or women who don't really have an enjoyable sex life or have issues with men in general since childhood because they were not as attractive as other girls.. that go on and on to other women about being a "slut" if you don't "hold out", and casting moral judgement whenever they see the chance.. Because it bothers them to see these girls enjoying themselves with a great guy they found and feel that chemistry and connection with..

And what you end up with.. is a world of sexually frustrated girls, who are afraid to explore their sexuality, because there's a wave of miserable & jealous women in every corner casting judgement on everything they'll do.. And when they start to see that, for themselves.. now, that's when they'll start to be able to be completely natural with the person it just feels right being natural with..

So, moral of the story.. don't let bogus morals imposed by other jealous women hold you back from doing what you feel is right with that guy you like who you feel that strong chemistry, attraction, and connection with.. And, don't wait until things get THAT serious to see if he's not really into you because of YOU.. You can see that through the conversation and interaction with him, holding out does not give you that kind of information.. the only information it "does" give you, logically, is information you don't want to know..

[IndiReloaded]

Bottom line, OP, is to know what you want.

If you want to have sex with this guy, then do so. If you aren't sure, then don't.

You don't owe this man anything. He has no good reason to expect you to have sex with him. Sex isn't a proof of love and it's not a test of commitment in a relationship. It's a very personal choice to share yourself with another person and it should never be taken lightly.

If this guy is making you feel uncomfortable about the issue listen to your gut feelings and talk to him about it.

If you two are together because you're totally into each other, letting him know how you feel should only bring you closer.
Many men don't realise the emotional component of sex is needed for most women before the physical act. If he isn't willing to listen, is he the right person to be with?

Don't waste your life chasing after men who only want you for sex and aren't interested in any other aspect of who you are. Set boundaries.

[vashti]

Grk - I didn't read all your verbal diarrhea (maybe misombra will come and offer cliff notes), but I will address the fact that you seem to think my post assumed the "slut" ( word I didn't even use) should be applied only to females. I don't.