Quick Question

[vashti]

Internet guys are creepy.

[Mish]

Vash is creepy

[FoxyLaydee]

I've met people online. Got to know them online and then after 4 - 6 months, we'll meet up in person. I will always take a couple of girlfriends with me on the first meeting.

Some online people are creepy but I don't think ALL of them are.

[Illusional]

you guys remember asian avenue?? it's from way back in the days. well anyways, i used to meet girls on there all the time. i even hooked up with a few of them.

raverboy

[Dancer]

I guess s**t happens Mish. Live and learn. D

[Mish]

I guess s**t happens Mish. Live and learn. D

I nominate this post for worst advice ever award

[Dancer]

I nominate this post for worst advice ever award

Thank you.

[misombra]

Thanks Scorp

Yeh, we spoke on the phone, that's why I'm finding it annoying that she's flaky about the next step. I think she feels safe, she's just being annoying. I think me cutting her off like that will bring her back to reality. If not then I shouldn't be wasting my time on her.

The only reason I haven't done this sooner is because I kinda like her.

once again somebody isn't going to do exactly what you want so you are going to dismiss them.

anyway, i don't think it's a big deal. her not meeting you is probably the best thing she could do for herself.

[Gribble]

I've never met anyone from the internet. It would make me nervous to do so. And I'm reasonably sure I can take care of myself. Imagine what it's like for a woman.

Respect the fact that she's smart and cautious. No matter how nice you seem and no matter how well the two of you get along, for all she knows you're an axe murderer.

[Illusional]

I've never met anyone from the internet. It would make me nervous to do so. And I'm reasonably sure I can take care of myself. Imagine what it's like for a woman.

honestly it's not as bad and you think when it comes to meeting people online. i have met only one person from the forums, and i talk to shorty every so often. but that's about it.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

Yeh, we spoke on the phone, that's why I'm finding it annoying that she's flaky about the next step. I think she feels safe, she's just being annoying. I think me cutting her off like that will bring her back to reality. If not then I shouldn't be wasting my time on her.

I'm going to start by saying this:

Let's look at a very attractive girl's online networking page.. my friend Calra.. let's go to her facebook.. give me one second..., (oh please, she's done worse) ok.. good.., So, let's see what we have.. 94 pokes, 61 friend requests, and 22 unread messages from guys.. guys who are not her friends, who she doesn't know.. and a give-away of that is the content of their messages.. "you're fcuking hot!.. damn girl you're gorgeous!.. hey what's up?"..

She's obviously going to end up getting a little flattered when she logs on, but she's going to end up deleting all of them.. and meeting none of these guys in person.. the reason is because each guy opened up with displaying low value for himself.. i'm not even a girl.. but looking through this, each guy has just communicated that he wants to meet her in person, and that his motivation for this urge was caused by her picture alone.. so this sends off the vibe that these guys are all losers, desperate, creepy, needy, and of low value.. they're immediately unattractive..

If you cut her off, that will only be snapping her out of her fantasy world where she's expecting you to chase her to she can feel special, wanted, and desired.. But it will be sending the message, "fcuk you little girl, enjoy your vibrator".. It won't do much.. and here's why..

Sounds like you skipped over, or overlooked "attraction-building".. you didn't demonstrate enough of your value (indirectly, and while being subtle).. So when you jumped on the phone, and asked to meet up, you ended up with a flake.. has nothing to do with comfort.. just has to do with not enough DHV-ing..

It's so important to DHV, that it alone can create such a powerful urge for her to have you, that she may rush through comfort "on her own" just to get you.. She will leave her act, and start chasing you to keep you.. Your job is to create attraction, it's her job to surrender completely to that urge which you've implanted in her mind.. the urge to surrender to you.. to want to surrender to you..

You don't need to do anything more than create attraction and then take-away.. no matter how big her ego.. no matter how much she wants to play "if he doesn't want me, i'm not going to chase him, let him go, someone else will come along".. if you've DHV-ed correctly and enough, that mentality will fly out the window.. It'll sound something like this:

- You haven't asked me for my number yet, what do you want me to do? beg? (Seriously)

- What are you doing this weekend? Do you want to go to Penn. for 2 days to see Phily?

- Here's my number & e-mail, maybe we can grab some coffee or something and continue this some other time..

- I'm going to Central Park this weekend to see everyone walking their dogs, I love dogs.. oh my g-d, if you're not doing anything, do you wanna come? It'll be fun, then we can go to ____..

Seriously.. If she wants it.. she'll ask for it.. whatever "it" happens to be.. but a key part about getting to this comfortable/fluid/non-game-playing communication state, is to not be pushy & needy, or at least not give off that vibe.. Because when you build attraction, and you don't request to meet up, or her number, etc.. you're in effect slowly taking-away.. this is unusual.. It's better to have her thinking.. "when is he going to ask me to meet up? Is he going to ask me to meet up? Let me see, i'll try and hint at this and see what he says".. rather than "Uhh.. I don't know"

That's because in the first case, she's actively in the mode of thinking how to get the two of you to meet up.. Whereas in the second case, she's actively in the mode of thinking of what excuse to say so she doesn't have to meet up.. Which mode would you prefer?

So "cutting her off" isn't the way to go.. You just have to stop trying to meet up.. stop trying to do anything.. You already know this Mish! I feel like i'm telling my father where babies come from.. Forget about getting from point A to point B.. focus on making HER want to get from point A to point B.. and wondering why you haven't asked to get there yet.. if you want to get there yet.. let her start to throw out suggestions.. resist them.. but in such a way as to bait her to make stronger and more explicit suggestions.. and then seem to agree to the suggestions she made.. to meet up..

Remember, this is why covert persuasion is more effective than overt persuasion.. because overt persuasion can be resisted due to it being direct and explicit in intentions.. whereas covert persuasion is indirect and subtle, making the person believe they are comming to a choice on their own, by their own free will, and who are they to argue against or resist their own free-will & choice?

So, let go of all "overt" tactics, and start to be "covert".. Forget cutting her off.. call her back and talk.. mention in the conversation.. "you know, I was thinking the other day, that I owe you a thanks.. I don't think we're ready to meet up in person yet.. I don't even feel I really know you that well.. Before we meet, I have to know who the person i'm meeting is, or else it's just wierd.. you know? So, why don't you tell me..., why you're still talking to me? (have a reason to back this up.. transition into why you're still talking to her.. because she said ____ in a pervious conversation and it got your attention.. etc)"

The last one is a frame-crusher.. She will either (1) ignore it, or (2) try and justify it.. but in either case, it's done it's job.. it's crushed her frame.. because it's raised attention to the fact that SHE is still talking to YOU.. Don't let her get smart and try and change the question on you.. "why are YOU talking to ME? huh?".. unless she's complying with your frame.. whatever she says is the most meaningless/abstract/wierd thing in the world.. let her get sucked into your frame..

Do this Mish, and if you don't get her wanting to meet up and suggesting it on her own, you will at minimum get her agreeing to meet up when you make the suggestion..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

I've met people online. Got to know them online and then after 4 - 6 months, we'll meet up in person. I will always take a couple of girlfriends with me on the first meeting.

Some online people are creepy but I don't think ALL of them are.

Same, we talked on the phone for a while, but then I flaked on them

I think if it wasn't for online predators and stalkers and wierd people of those sorts.. online would be a very romantic domain.. If you think about it.. the lure on not knowing what the person really looks like.. of not having to deal with or consider the physical attraction of the person right in front of you, but still be able to connect with everything else about them.. I don't know.. there's something about it.. there would be anyway if the world was a safer place..

[anachronistic]

I'm sensing a weird vibe going on between Vashti and Mishanya. Maybe I missed something.

[lemonade69]

I've met a few online. Thankfully, they were all just normal ppl looking for new friends or more. I think it's all about developing an intuition as to who is worth meeting and who is not.

[Mish]

her not meeting you is probably the best thing she could do for herself.

Well, coming from someone with YOUR point of view in life that would probably make sense