Manning up in my relationship?

[Gigabitch]

When you invite her over to watch movies and chill, have the movies already picked out. If she totally hates the movie you've picked, have an alternate.

Make food without asking her what she wants to eat. "Hey babe, I'm making nachos. Want some?" is much better than "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something? What do you want? What are you in the mood for?"

Be a provider. If you expect her to make all the decisions, you're being submissive. Girls hate this. It's annoying and it makes hair grow on our chests.

[GrkScorp]

This is the dynamic you want to AVOID:

you: what do you want to do today?
her: I don't know. What do YOU want to do?
you: I don't know. I just want to be with you.

Also, keep yourself busy. Nothing is worse than a guy who consistently has nothing to do.

Absolutely..

That's the problem with questions, you're placing the burden of choice on her..

Think of it like driving a car from NY to Canada.. There's a lot to see on the way, and it's a nice, relaxing, comfortable, and very enjoyable ride.. for the person who's not driving.. It sucks to be driving.. nobody wants to drive.. everyone wants to be the passenger, to enjoy the turns, the be able to close your eyes when the car is moving and know you're going to be fine, that you can just sit back and enjoy yourself, that you can feel free to daze around and get lost at the view on the way there.. taken on a ride in the car of a very skilled, careful, safe, driver who knows where they are going..

Everyone wants to be the passenger.. Minimal work, mostly rewards.. But find me a guy who finds it uncomfortable.. and i'll find you a woman who finds it 20 times more uncomfortable to be in the driver's seat.. What if something goes wrong? What if the place she picked out was boring or bad or not fun, etc? Now it's her fault.. She doesn't want that.. She wants a situation where you pick out a place, take control, lead.. and when the whole night is great.. she can find a way to give you both credit.. "See, I told you that would be a nice place, isn't it so nice when you listen to me?" (that's obviously the flip-side of not taking control, they never feel like they can take credit for anything.. because with risk of something bad, comes credit for something good.. and so they will always look for ways to take credit for something good.. but that's an other story)

What's important is that you give her that.. that you let her enjoy the ride, by being on the passenger's seat.. and by you being on the driver's seat..

Bad Examples:

- (Exactly what Vash said) "What do you want to do today?"
- Do you want to go out later?
- What are you doing this weekend?
- (Basically, anything that's a question; if you're a woman, you feel this strange feeling, and it's very awkward, but a characteristic about it is that you feel the urge to resist, you feel less motivated to accept, and if you do accept, it's now a weak encounter will all chemistry dead from the start)
- Do you want to have sex? (Exactly)

Good Examples:

- Hey, let me know what time you're free today, (I want us to go/I want to take you) to ___
- What are you doing right now? Come meet me later at _____
- (Come up next to her, touching her and looking her in the yes) Did I ever tell you.. how it turns me on so much.., every time.. I see you in those boy-shorts..? No? Well.. I guess I don't tell you enough then.., a lot actually.. so much.., not the boy-shorts, so much as just you.., but you know what turns me on more? (don't say it.. just start to pull down the boy-shorts)

These aren't lines for you to memorize.. just concepts and speech patterns.. In the bad examples.. as a guy, you lack assertiveness.. you're basically asking for permission.. and that's unattractive.. In the good examples.. you're assertive, strong, powerful, in control, and taking the lead.. "sweeping her off her feet" if you will.. Making it easy for her to just give in to the urge to surrender completely to that masculine energy of yours, that overwhelming force.. (all women find this sexy, but girls like her who are biased towards "attraction" find this especially arousing on a much deeper level).. so just let this part of you come out..

Also, keeping busy: (Tips)

- When you're on the phone with her.. every 5-8 minutes, do what girls in high school do.. say "hold up, I have an other call/someone else is on the other line".. (no, you don't actually have an other call).. Yes, you're going to make her wait on hold, for 1-2 minutes while you think of what you and the other person were talking about all this time, who called and all those other questions that she's going to ask when you take her off hold.. When she asks.. don't spill information.. just say as little as possible.. (Her: who was it?) "Oh.. nobody.. just my friend ____/just someone from work/doctor's office/billing dept. from Girls Gone Wild/etc".. (Her: what did they want?) "Are we going to talk about "this" now? Nothing, they just wanted ____, if it was important i'd tell you that i'd have to call you back.. but it was only like 1-2 minutes.. it wasn't anything important.. anyway..".. you're resisting (this is misdirection).. if she keeps digging, that's ok.. because in those 1-2 minutes, you've stacked enough details to satisfy her thirst for information.. you just don't want to give all of it unless she asks.. but try to keep her in the dark as much as possible.. you don't need to really give her all the details.. learn to resist.. let her think "I wonder who he was talking to.. why won't he tell me?" rather than.. "he never talks to anyone.. he never does anything.. i'm his entire world".. exactly..

- When she calls you.. "I just got out of the shower, I just walked in, I just finished cooking, I just finished eating, I just started cooking can I call you back?, I'm just walking out right now, I'm about to walk in the elevator/subway can I call you back?, I was just about to take a shower can I call you back?, I was just reading this book on ____ what are you doing?, etc" (In reality.. you're never really doing NOTHING.. you may by THINKING of nothing, but you're never really DOING nothing.. so just take a quick second and think about what exactly you're doing.. and communicate that)

- When you're talking on the phone.. never let the conversation drag on until kingdom come.. learn to be the one to take control and end the conversation.. YES.. be the one to end the conversation.. don't let it drag on and be boring.. don't! Just pick a point.. and say.. "Hey, I have to go, yeah.. sorry.. I have to do ____.. blah blah.. bye/goodnight".. If she says something similar first.. recover via.. "Yeah, I have to go too actually.. I have this ____ to do.. blah blah.. bye"

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mathias]

GrkScorp has really stepped it up lately.

[Mish]

Absolutely..
These aren't lines for you to memorize.. just concepts and speech patterns.. In the bad examples.. as a guy, you lack assertiveness.. you're basically asking for permission.. and that's unattractive.. In the good examples.. you're assertive, strong, powerful, in control, and taking the lead.. "sweeping her off her feet" if you will.. Making it easy for her to just give in to the urge to surrender completely to that masculine energy of yours, that overwhelming force.. (all women find this sexy, but girls like her who are biased towards "attraction" find this especially arousing on a much deeper level).. so just let this part of you come out..

The basics of this dynamic is when you lead you encourage compliance. A ship can only have one captain. The one who picks the role of the leader automatically puts the other into the submissive role. It's almost expected. So don't be uncomfortable in this role. This is actually what you want.

[Prerequisite]

I am blessed to have come upon this forum. Thank you all for your advice and guidance, it has truly helped me in my situation, and will guide me in the future. I have began taking control of our relationship and it has been working out perfectly

[Asparagoose]

I agree. This chain of posts has made me realize so much. I was reading it and just thinking about all the things that i've done wrong in my life, like an idiot, because I was raised to think that I should be nice and polite. All this pressure of being a gentleman because your parents tell you that's how you should be, women tell you that's how you should be, but that's like saying guys are attracted to ladies. This makes so much sense. I wish I would have known about this site when I was younger. Better late than never I suppose.

[vashti]

A ship can only have one captain. The one who picks the role of the leader automatically puts the other into the submissive role.

I think you'd better be REALLY careful with this line of thinking. It verges on (or indeed, steps over the line of) being controlling, and it will certainly alienate. A smart person will know when to lead, and when to let the other person lead.

And yeah, women DO appreciate gentlemen. Especially when they grow up.

[Mish]

A smart person will know when to lead, and when to let the other person lead.

That's certainly true. A good leader will know when to let another person take lead in the appropriate situation. My post is about reading cues, what's assumed when the woman asks for the guy to take more control. It assumes the man takes charge while the woman submits. Thys dynamic is automatic.

And yeah, women DO appreciate gentlemen. Especially when they grow up.

Few women

Very few

It's ussually so far down the list that it becomes and ending statement

"Did I tell you about him? He's so and so and so and so and so, and so and so and so and so oh and also gentlemen"

[Asparagoose]

I feel that being a gentleman doesn't get you anywhere as a guy. I know, i'm a pretty nice guy. I hold doors, I pay, I'm formal, I'm polite, I'm nice, if something drops i'll rush to pick it up, I'll always call back, I'll do everything that a gentleman does. That's just who I am. But i'm also single, that's part of who I am aswell. And I can't say that me being a gentleman has at least done me the favor of attracting only quality girls into my life, because it hasn't. It hasn't really attracted any girls into my life. I've heard everyone say they like a gentleman, and then i've seen their boyfriends or husbands and don't take that person seriously anymore. Very misleading. They say they want one thing, and then go for something completely different. I guess they just say it so they can feel good about themselves, like they have morals and some noble character, only to hide what they really want. Or maybe they really do like a gentleman, but wouldn't really like to date a gentleman but just keep him around instead. That's the story of my life pretty much.

[vashti]

I think you both are confusing being a gentleman with being a pushover.

And I really don't like the way the word "submit" is being used, as if you are conquering something. You aren't describing a partnership at all, Mish. (And all this time I thought you prided yoursef on being more "evolved" than the average guy.) Rather, it sounds like you are describing a parental relationship. the problem with parental relationships is that the "child" usually grows up and moves out.

[Mish]

I think you both are confusing being a gentleman with being a pushover.

Not at all

It's just from my experience not a dominant quality that women look for in someone they want to mate with.

But sure, perhaps we have different interprettations of the word

And I really don't like the way the word "submit" is being used, as if you are conquering something. You aren't describing a partnership at all, Mish.

That's what guys do, they conquer. They dominate. Their mission is to go out into the world and spread their seed. Women's job is to find the most dominant, worthy and genetically compatible male to keep. This is why guys approach and inititate and girls choose to accept or reject. First - leading, second - submitting. Notice, different roles, different goals in life. This is the way it is from the human evolutionary perspective. If you don't like it don't blame me, blame the evolution.

There's no reason why this shouldn't lead to a good partnership. Provided one person leads and the other submits. Most partnerships I know that worked out best is with one dominant and one submissive partner. You put two dominants together, they clash and tear each other apart. You put two submissives and they become complacent and stagnate together.

(And all this time I thought you prided yoursef on being more "evolved" than the average guy.)

You should always trust that which you think of all this time

[vashti]

You sound like a freakin' caveman.

[Mish]

You sound like a freakin' caveman.

For some reason that works best with women

Don't ask me why, I'm as confused as you are as to why this perception is so effective. I just know that it works.


Maybe because all these gentlemany acts are just illusionary social constructs which hide what really motivates people beneath the surface.

[vashti]

^ daddy complex ^

You'll see, when your little girl grows up.

[Mish]

You'll see, when your little girl grows up.

If I ever have one, I'll make sure to arm her with all the right tools she'll need to seperate all the scum from the worthy one. She'll know all the patterns, she'll be able to see through all the intents and she'll know what leads where