I want to be more than just friends, confused by her.

[Kromat]

forget about her friend, you know what you want to do with your current situation.
Talk to Tiff, and just tell her that you can be good friends, with her and make a suggestion to mabe talk little less, so you can become more casual.
At least you made her a better person, you have to be glad of yourself that you showed her something that she has't experienced before.
Now when you both get different partners, you can give suggestions & advice to each other to get through the tour times.
P.S. This relationship seems to be over, so loosen up and have fun with yourself.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, she's gone for a week, so I can't talk to her until Saturday... but there was never any relationship other than a friendship to begin with.
Tiffany also actually called me from the airport today before she left for Mexico... which she had to get away from her mom to do so. So I know we're okay, it's just been a bad week for the both of us and we both know that everything will be fine when she gets back.

Her and I basically talked EVERY DAY before I went to see her, and I don't see that it'd change after her mother gives her her computer back.

So, to summarize, right now, we're just friends, and that's all either of us expects from here on out. I still have it in my mind that it's possible down the road someday we could be together, but I'm not going to set my future plans based on said possibility.

So if it happens, then it happens, but I'm not expecting it.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, she's been on vacation since Saturday, and I miss her.

My problem is I can get 'past' her right now. I keep thinking about trying to find someone to go out with, but every time I do, I think to myself, "I don't want to, I only want Tiffany"

This has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I dunno what to do.

[whitedragon20na]

This really isn't working. I mean, I think about her almost non stop daily. I've been talking to her every night as usual, but it's pretty much the same it was before I saw her.
I told her that I wasn't going to put any pressure on her, that I was just going to work through it and whatever happens, happens.

I had a huge discussion with her the night she got back, about everything really. She told me that if her feelings change, that she'd let me know right away. She said, "As far as I'm concerned, you're not going to lose me unless that's YOUR decision." and when I told her that I only care that's she's happy, no matter who she ends up with. She told me, "I know you do, and I'm so thankful that you want me to be happy... but it isn't right that I'm happy... and after it's all said and done, you aren't happy." Lasty, I asked her if the next time I saw her, if she'd let me kiss her again, and she asked me, "Why would I pull away?"

I just don't know. It's driving me crazy, I know I love her, I know that want her to love me back, and I just don't know what to do. Right now, the only thing I'm sure of is that I'm not going to push her, I'm not going to put any pressure on her, and I'm going to treat her just like I always have. I even told her, "I'm going to treat you like I always have, I'm still going to compliment you, I'm still gonna goof around with you, I'm still gonna be the best I possibly can towards you"

And here's EXACTLY what I told her I was going to do about everything:

"I do hold it in my heart that there is a possibility, but that's all... I remember saying that I was going to wait for you, but that's changed, because that would be the wrong thing to do... but I already told you, I'm just gonna get past it right now, be myself, treat you the same as I always have, and let everything work out for the best"

[whitedragon20na]

Well, seeing as this situation is what brought me back here this morning... no need to start a new thread when there's already one that has a good chunk of information...

Anyway, here it is over a year later and not too much has changed. She went through her first year of college, I still talk to her every day, still completely in love with her.

We don't talk as much as before however, but that doesn't help.

I tried cutting off contact with her for a month to see if that worked, it didn't, I went the whole month, but it just didn't work. I tried not being friends anymore and there's no way I could do that... when I did she was heartbroken and that's definitely not something I want to put her through.


Now what has changed... the friend I met her through, who lives out here... yea, found out that she (Tiffany) is in love with her and has been since a couple days after she met me, but she didn't tell anyone until something came up this past October and she couldn't hide it anymore.

I also found out that when I went to see her last year, that I was actually her first kiss, which I really didn't know how to react to.

So after this guy hit on her, I realized I needed to just try and get over her... not because I was jealous or anything, I didn't even actually react to it, just caused me to think about things. I tried doing that for several months and all I was doing was just holding things in and pretending that everything was okay when it really wasn't, and I just couldn't do that anymore.

I tried dating other people, doing other things, just trying to focus on moving on, but unfortunately for me it won't work.


To understand my position, you first need to know how this girl is. She's got to be the sweetest girl I know, even though she constantly says she's not even close. She ALWAYS helps me when I need it, whether I ask or not. She's basically done something nobody else ever has for me, family included, and that's go out of her way to show she cares. I had my hard drive die on me back in December and my livelihood depends on that. I was pulling together money to try and replace it and she GAVE me $70 of what I needed. I said I would pay her back and she said she wouldn't accept it. She said it was part of my Christmas present, which she also bought me a fairly expensive DVD of my favorite movie AFTER she shelled out $70.

She does so much for me in so many different ways... we may not talk as much as we used to, but when I need someone, she's always there for me, no matter what. My now former best friend (still a great friend) and I got into a huge fight and I figured I'd lost her, so I txt'd Tiffany and she immediately got online to try and help me. She gets me gifts every chance she gets, and it's not like they're expensive gifts, they're just very meaningful. She got me a Broncos hat for my birthday, nothing big, but she had it customized with my name and the numerals of their super bowl wins on it, and had to call someone to get that information correct. Then on top of that, she took a sharpie and wrote "Love Always" and signed it on the bottom of the brim.

Lastly, the gift she got me for Valentine's day LAST year, which is a stuffed tiger. Doesn't seem like much, but it's a build-a-bear one and she bought it online, had it shipped to her unstuffed so she could stuff it herself. She named her Cupcake and it's become the one possession that I cherish the most. Oh, and for Christmas (2007), after only knowing her for a couple months, her gift to me was this stuffed dog that her great aunt made for her. Little Tiffany is her name and it's one of a few things that means a lot to her. She sent it to me as a promise that she would come out here and pick her up herself.


Now my friend Monica, the girl that Tiffany is in love with, had a long discussion with her and told her that it's not fair to me, or her because as she put it, "her heart is in love with one person and therefore closed off to all others." While I agree with that statement, I still haven't a clue what to do myself. There's no way I can cut off contact with her, that would hurt her just as much as it would me, especially considering she's my best friend now. I can't shake how I feel about her no matter what I do or how hard I try. She still has three years of school left and there's a chance no matter how long I would wait, it may never make any difference.

I keep telling her that if I let her go and find someone else, I'll always feel like I was settling for second best. That's honestly how I feel. She has low self esteem and doesn't think to highly of herself. I tell her she's special and a very good person but she always says she's not. She has a hard time taking any type of compliments.

So yea, I don't know what to do, period. All I know is that I'm not cutting contact with her, other than that, I don't know.

Any help or advice would be very much appreciated.

[IndiReloaded]

You need to start dating other girls.

Look, I know your heart is saying you won't find anyone like her, ever, but that's just not so. I would say that Tiffany isn't the only one with self-esteem problems.

You think b/c you are a bigger guy that there isn't a girl out there for you who is just as nice, smart, beautiful? I assure you, there is.

Even if you balk at the idea of dating anyone else right now, consider that the experience you gain will make you that much *better* a partner for whoever you eventually end up with. Whether that is Tiffany or someone else.

Life is short, young man. Things happen that we can't control or predict. For example, not trying to freak you out, but imagine that Tiffany were to suddenly die tomorrow. Boom, she's just not there anymore.

Do you really think that life doesn't go on and you wouldn't find love with someone else? Never, ever in the next 60+ years of your life?

Of course you would. You can, right now. You just gotta believe in yourself and get out there so that everyone else can find out what a lovely person you are.

Now get off the computer & get out there.