Parents want to buy me a house and much more

[IndiReloaded]

I think you should still thank your parents for their generous offer.

But tell them if you'd prefer to do things for yourself. Perhaps say that, once you find someone & have children (if that's your plan) that it would be a wonderful gift for his/her grandparents to make a gift to their RESP--education fund (or whatever you have where you are).

If your folks are looking for a house as an investment, well, they can do that w/o roping you into it.

[Pears]

I think you should still thank your parents for their generous offer.

But tell them if you'd prefer to do things for yourself. Perhaps say that, once you find someone & have children (if that's your plan) that it would be a wonderful gift for his/her grandparents to make a gift to their RESP--education fund (or whatever you have where you are).

If your folks are looking for a house as an investment, well, they can do that w/o roping you into it.

I do not plan to get married or have any kids. I have a stable boyfriend, but as for marital status, I'll be single forever, woo hoo!

I guess I have a hard time thanking them because I know they are trying to buy me a house so that they have control. If they buy it, it would be like their house that I'm living in. They are not trying to just have an investment. They are trying to continue holding control over me.

When I was job searching and I found a good job that was far away, my dad told me that I shouldn't move far away and that I should find a closer job and live at home. He said that money isn't a issue and that if I need any, he'll give it to me.

That's a conflict, of course. My life aspiration is to have the best career possible and be as rich as possible. Love life comes second and starting any kind of family is not even on the list.

[Mish]

They do not want me to be independent. They want me to be with them forever, which they have said everyday. They want me to be their child forever. How can I change that mindset? I've talked to them many times and said that I've grown and showed them that I can drive and do many other things, but still my mom will freak out when I try to do just about anything. It's been in vain.

Any suggestions on breaking free without being terrible and mean?

You won't be able to change that mindset, not as long as you remain dependent on them. There is a solution that will solve many of these problems you are having with them Pears, but unfortunately you will always reject it.

[DoesntMatter]

Tell them to buy themselves a condo down in Florida or something that everyone in the family can enjoy

[DarkDwarf]

This reminds me of a high school speech discussion round, in which we were discussing alternative energy and changing the American mindset...

Raise gas taxes! Whooo!

[IndiReloaded]

There is a solution that will solve many of these problems you are having with them Pears, but unfortunately you will always reject it.

+1

I'm sorry you choose to sleep Pears.

[Pears]

Mish, is your solution just to move out and do my own thing regardless of what my parents think? It sounds like the most logical thing to do, but I don't want to defy my parents. They tell me the only thing they want in life is to have me around. They want nothing else. Of course there are times when I get tired of their chatter and the way they handle things, but they are still my parents and I want to support them and keep them happy.

Are you saying that I'm giving myself no options?

[Mish]

Mish, is your solution just to move out and do my own thing regardless of what my parents think? It sounds like the most logical thing to do, but I don't want to defy my parents. They tell me the only thing they want in life is to have me around. They want nothing else. Of course there are times when I get tired of their chatter and the way they handle things, but they are still my parents and I want to support them and keep them happy.

Are you saying that I'm giving myself no options?

No, I'm saying you need to find a way to not be dependent on them to the extent that you are now. You need to find a way where you can have room for your own personal believes to be heard and a ground to stand on.

Right now if you speak out you "loose things". You are directly under their control, under their thumb and you will continue to be for as long as you decide to not do anything about it.

I think there is a huge room between "defying" and "rationally disagreeing and stating a different point of view without fear". You need to somehow create an environment where you can state your point of view without fear of repercussions. An environment where they can no longer "punish" you. An environment where if they do decide to punish you, it will be something you can live with unlike right now. I believe you deserve such an environment as an adult.

[bluesummer]

Mish, is your solution just to move out and do my own thing regardless of what my parents think? It sounds like the most logical thing to do, but I don't want to defy my parents. They tell me the only thing they want in life is to have me around. They want nothing else. Of course there are times when I get tired of their chatter and the way they handle things, but they are still my parents and I want to support them and keep them happy.

Are you saying that I'm giving myself no options?

I understand wanting to keep your parents happy, but at what expense? Must you give up your own happiness to give them everything they want? I don't think so. There's compromises. I say, save up in secret to buy your own place. Then when you can, let them know you're moving and that they are welcome to visit you whenever they like, and that you will visit them often too. They probably need to 'learn' that there is a life outside their children....parents need lessons sometimes too. They need to find other things to occupy their time, and you will give them that opportunity to explore life more. They might need a little push (or maybe a shove), and they will definitely protest, but this is your LIFE Pears. You have to be strong and and firm about what you want, and also prove you can do it on your own.....not just for them, but for yourself.

[Tone]

They might need a little push (or maybe a shove), and they will definitely protest, but this is your LIFE Pears. You have to be strong and and firm about what you want, and also prove you can do it on your own.....not just for them, but for yourself.

Reread this Pears