Are most men like this?!

[1averagejoe]

Men don't want to just sit there and listen. Men want to solve the problems ...

I think this is why most engineers are men...including myself.

[Lipp]

We're all insensitive bastards who like to eat gravel for breakfast and insult our reflection in the mirror just for the hell of it.

Rah! And such.

[IndiReloaded]

well what are these problems that you're so desperate to discuss?

And you might want to look at the way you discuss your difficulties. For example, do you go on and on in a shrill, self-pitying, self-righteous tone? Because I tell you what, that kind of thing is like a sonic scream. You'll never get any male to listen to you. At best they might humour you for a while, but they won't really listen.

Try discussing your problems with him sans the emotion and with a mind to looking for solutions. For example if you're lonely you might discuss some ways you can make new friends. And if all you're looking for is an audience for your moaning over a bottle of chardonnay that makes your little friend search all the more urgent. Because it sounds like your husband is never going to be one of the girls. You're pushing a square peg through a round hole.

The only thing I would add to this is to not try to resolve the issue in the 'heat of the moment'. It takes self control to do this, but (as my husband explained to me) most alpha males--the driven, solution-oriented sort--avoid strong displays of emotion. Historically, things that would elicit strong displays of emotion by that kind of man would result in someone or something getting killed, lol. They would just prefer to find a solution to the issue & thus the emotional aspect will likewise go away.

It helps, as a woman, if you actually bring some kind of solution to the table in your discussion, rather than just venting at him. Teach your husband to address your emotions without feeling he needs to solve your problem. He will need to feel safe in order to do this (i.e. that you really don't expect him to 'fix' things for you).

In general, guys ACT to relieve or prevent strong emotion. Women VENT before they can act. The sexes come at problems from different directions. Try to meet someplace in the middle.

[davidsbabygirl]

Like someone said before i just need to find someone other than my husband to vent to. Its no big deal i just dont understand why most males cant sit down and try to understand women as much as woemn try to understand men?!?!?!?!?!?!

[Cain]

Like someone said before i just need to find someone other than my husband to vent to. Its no big deal i just dont understand why most males cant sit down and try to understand women as much as woemn try to understand men?!?!?!?!?!?!

What's to understand? Beer, sex, food, sex, football, sex. That's a man.

Women don't even understand women.

[davidsbabygirl]

um first off i dont think all men drink beer and watch football. many do but not all. and i do think that most of the time the biggest problem in people's relationships is communication. But everyone needs to learn from one another!

[Cain]

I was giving the summary of what most men are into. The point is, men aren't NEAR as complicated as women. Don't expect a man to want to spend his life trying to understand your species.

[Junket]

I never meant most men in generalization but by what i have learned is that most men are indeed not connected to their emotional side.

That's bullshit, too.

We're plenty connected to our emotional side.

We just don't drown ourselves in it like some women are apt to doing.

Maybe if more women picked up a trade or did less clerical work, they'd be able to exercise their problem solving skills more than their gossip skills.

[davidsbabygirl]

Okay first off..I do not do any "CLERICAL"
work..if you have read my profile I am a automotive mechanic already and am in school learning to be a Diesel Mechanic. Doesnt take a woman away from most
Feminine ways..because deep down every woman is very involved with her feelings...like i said before most women are this way. I dont think a woman's place of work has anything to do with how she handles things.

[Junket]

I dont think a woman's place of work has anything to do with how she handles things.

A person's work determines a lot of how a person handles things.

[davidsbabygirl]

A person's work determines a lot of how a person handles things.

based on what?

[Charlie Boy II]

this thread is a perfect example of what I was saying. You aren't interested in listening to our advice or finding a solution to your problem(s) - you just want an audience for your bitching.

[misombra]

sometimes people just want to vent.

[Junket]

sometimes people just want to vent.

Then it needs to be stated in the original post so people don't bother offering advice.

[davidsbabygirl]

I never said I didnt want advice I said that I didnt want to be preached at about how women are harder to understand than women...and that most women have this particular job or whatnot im not going to argue about it I DO WANT ADVICE I DONT WANT TO BE PREACHED AT THAT I AM A PAIN IN THE ASS OR THAT WOMEN ARE MORE CONFUSING THAN MEN