Words from her dad...

[Cain]

Nah, there's no tension with me and my gf. She did stand up to him for it. She stays at their house during the summer to work at a summer camp there and she was ready to leave and come here instead. I'm not worried about her defending it. I just get irritated that because he's the dad, I've got to keep my mouth shut regardless of whether he insults me or not... indirectly or directly.

It wasn't like I said carpet in a bathroom was stupid. I simply said that I hadn't seen much of that. I'm just more nervous about him saying something careless to me that's insulting because I'm going to have a hard time always keeping my mouth shut.

Maybe I'm stupid, but I feel that if someone wants my respect, they need to give me respect.

[lesa]

Seems like you and the dad have much more in common on respect than you believe. That may be the conflict...that you too are so alike. From the information that I am reading, if I place you as the dad and dad in your place it seems the same. Someone (either you or him) is going to have to respond differently and just let it go.

[Mish]

I think even in this day and age parental acceptance is very important, it can make or break a relationship. I found out a lot of that in my previous Ltr. I found it's best idea to not bicker with parents and try to avoid conflicts wherever possible. The art of sucking up always helps

[Cain]

Normally I'd agree, but my gf and I have already discussed this. Regardless of whether he ever accepted me or not, she isn't going anywhere. She knows I'm good for her and that I've treated her better than any guy she's ever been with. She doesn't need her dad's acceptance to know I'm the one she wants to be with.

I keep my mouth shut. I'm just saying that I hope he comes around eventually cause I can't deal with his shit for 10 years.

[lesa]

Like I said someone is going to have to change...I guess it will be the father as you are not open for change of behavior.

[Cain]

Like I said someone is going to have to change...I guess it will be the father as you are not open for change of behavior.

What are you talking about? What am I supposed to change? I'm not doing anything wrong.

[Mish]

Like I said someone is going to have to change...I guess it will be the father as you are not open for change of behavior.

It shouldn't be the father who makes the change though. Even if he is unreasonable sometimes, he is still the father and as a parent he deserves respect.

I guess, these sensitivities are hard to explain until experienced. I remember having a bickering relationship with a parent of an ex a while back. I regret that I did it now when I look back.

[lesa]

Changing a behavior does not mean that you did anything wrong. You stated: "I'm just saying that I hope he comes around eventually cause I can't deal with his shit for 10 years".

Until some understanding comes along, you can change, he can change or no one change. Case close.

[Cain]

Look, I've respected him the whole time. But I could care less if he's the dad if he continuously disrespects me. I don't need him being all nicey nice, but I don't want him insulting me. I've yet to do anything but respect him.

[lesa]

It shouldn't be the father who makes the change though. Even if he is unreasonable sometimes, he is still the father and as a parent he deserves respect.

I guess, these sensitivities are hard to explain until experienced. I remember having a bickering relationship with a parent of an ex a while back. I regret that I did it now when I look back.

I understand too. I agree that the boyfriend should be the one more willing to understand and just suck it up but not everyone is willing to change their behavior so that is why I said that unless the father changes his behavior, this will be an issue. Basically I am saying that this is likely to not change if the bf doesn't try to change him outlook first.

[Cain]

I understand too. I agree that the boyfriend should be the one more willing to understand and just suck it up but not everyone is willing to change their behavior so that is why I said that unless the father changes his behavior, this will be an issue. Basically I am saying that this is likely to not change if the bf doesn't try to change him outlook first.

What outlook? Is there a part of my post you didn't read or something? I've been nothing but respectful to him.

[lesa]

Why are you so upset? He just said that no one is ever going to be good enough for his daughter. That is his point of view for some or no reason but like you know it is the daughter who decides that..so f*** it (in your mind of course).

[vashti]

I know what you say makes perfect sense to you, but this isn't the way the real world works. They are already a family unit; YOU are the one who wants "in", which means YOU are the one who is going to have to suck up a little. You will get your chance for unconditional respect when YOU have a daughter who is dating someone that wants into the family you have created. Right now, it is her father's turn to be the head of the family.

Don't be a typical young male who is intent on proving he has the bigger penis. In the end, you will lose, my friend. Blood is thicker than water (unless you are talking about a seriously dysfunctional family). Your girlfriend may say she is right next to you for now, but this will NOT be the case once she starts having babies. Trust me on this. She will resent that there is strife, and you WILL pay.

PS - you say you have been nothing but respectful for him, but if some of what you are saying on this board manifests itself in your behavior, I am sure he is catching it.,

[Cain]

I know what you say makes perfect sense to you, but this isn't the way the real world works. They are already a family unit; YOU are the one who wants "in", which means YOU are the one who is going to have to suck up a little. You will get your chance for unconditional respect when YOU have a daughter who is dating someone that wants into the family you have created. Right now, it is her father's turn to be the head of the family.

Don't be a typical young male who is intent on proving he has the bigger penis. In the end, you will lose, my friend. Blood is thicker than water (unless you are talking about a seriously dysfunctional family). Your girlfriend may say she is right next to you for now, but this will NOT be the case once she starts having babies. Trust me on this. She will resent that there is strife.

So.... if he insults me, I just smile? Fine. But there is going to be hostility because I won't want to go over there. I wasn't raised that way. I wasn't raised to constantly have someone insult me and me just stay put. My dad insulted me, so I moved out at 17. I don't like it.

I don't need in that family. I know my gf. She's already nearly chose me over her father a few times but her mother stepped in and made the dad stop being an asshole.

[vashti]

I don't understand what behavior you are displaying that provokes him. I mean, people don't generally openly insult people unless they are mentally ill. Is he mentally ill? An alcoholic? Drug addict? If not, I would seriously examine your own behavior. there might be something going on that you hadn't really thought about before.