My story

[awakenedbear]

Man, *impressed whistle* she sounds wild. I reckon your lucky to have met a girl like that for a short time, if you'd handled the situation properly. Instead you got attached to her, which was silly.

Umm... No. I'm sorry, but that is a very ignorant comment. Maybe sex is the end-all-be-all for some guys, but not for me- especially not with a married woman. I got attached to her because of the lies she told me, including making me feel very sorry for her. Plus I was lonely and vulnerable and she knew that and pounced like a wolf, which is her favorite animal and all over her myspace page.

And we're talking about a professional man-eater here with tons of experience with wrapping men around her little finger. Someone that has no qualms about lying, manipulating even telling men she loves them, and pretending to be someone she's not all to get sex out of them. Someone who was part of an erotic site with explicit photos of herself to meet men. She is completely sex-addicted and it rules her every thought. She has absolutely no impulse control and no morals.

I'm not the least bit "lucky." Let's see- my heart was torn to shreds. I feel like I've been raped because of all the personal info she used to get inside my head. She's lied to her friends about me. I feel like I've been cheated on, used and thrown away. My job has been ruined for me because she is there and all the memories attached to it. She is so utterly disgusting, that she even taints sex in my eyes. So that's another issue I have to deal with.

If not for my friends which I have reconciled with, I would not have made it through this devastation.

Thank you for the kind comments.

[shh!]

I don't think many men would have fallen for this kind of woman, bear. I think your problem is that you allowed your emotions to rule over your behavior rather than your brain.

[Cain]

I don't think many men would have fallen for this kind of woman, bear. I think your problem is that you allowed your emotions to rule over your behavior rather than your brain.

The fact that she was married was a huge thing to me. If her marriage was that bad, she should have gotten out of it. Honestly, I'd have avoided the drama that came with her being married, even if she did leave it.

Secondly, though money doesn't mean everything, when he says she lives in a trailor, I'm imagining a redneck woman... in a run down trailor. I know there are nicer ones that don't look like trailors.. I've seen them... but the point is, I think he was just lonely and didn't think clearly.

[lonely_girl]

Would anyone like to see the poem I wrote her before I found out her dirty little secrets? Thank you all for the support- I've learned a huge lesson not to wear my heart on my sleeve ever again or fall for pretty words. It's very sad that there are people like that out there.

If you want to share the poem, i would like to see it.

You said you have learnt not to wear your heart on your sleeve, i guess thats true but on the other hand why should you have to change yourself?

Dont give up there are some nice people out there, unfortunately there are some nasty ones too.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Is it me, or does she sound like the man and he sounds like the woman in the relationship?Its her lifestyle, I doubt she would ever change. But, maybe there's reasons for her actions. I doubt women just up and decide they're gonna do things like that. IMO, a man's main reason for playing women is to get respect from his boys and be known as a ladies man. But a woman who acts like a man would? Yea, I think it has to do with her past, but like I said, thats my opinion.

[awakenedbear]

Is it me, or does she sound like the man and he sounds like the woman in the relationship?Its her lifestyle, I doubt she would ever change. But, maybe there's reasons for her actions. I doubt women just up and decide they're gonna do things like that.

Like I said, I discovered she is a sex addict, porn addict, computer addict and alcoholic. She plays roles- all fantasies. Completely caught up in her addictions. She plays a role for her friends, another role for work, another for hubby, another for every boyfriend. She listed on the erotic fetish site that she loves roleplaying and would like to be a different person every night. She chooses to be this way, hurt others, and not get help. She likes wrapping people around her finger. My guess is she learned early on how to use her beauty and charm to get what she wanted out of men and have a good time in the process. Lots of women like that out there, just not so extreme as she. She has no morals and rationalizes every and any behavior to be able to do and say anything to get what she wants- I've seen it and felt it. She's not gonna change until she hits rock bottom. Completely self-absorbed woman that always needs to be the center of attention and she knows how to get it.

You can't be consumed with porn and have so many different men in real life and online like she does and expect to ever be faithful or able to commit to anyone. She is ruled by her addictions, and knowing that lessens the pain.
I realize that I was just fuel to feed her addiction. A new role for her to play and escape from her unhappy life and unhappy marriage. A new man to attempt to have sex with. I was used, replaced, and thrown away. I fell in love with someone who doesn't even exist.

I've battled addictions myself and so I understand- never gone to her extremes though, but I have God's influence in my life- she is agnostic. She drinks to relax, forget, and numb herself to pain. Sex is for euphoric feelings and feeling alive again. Sadly, addictions have a nasty way of taking over one's life to the point where you need more and more of the substance to get the same effect. With drinking, you need more and more liquor or more and more alcohol. With porn and sex, you need harder and kinkier stuff as you progress downward and it loses its effects. Then it gets to the point that you can no longer achieve those feelings without the addictive substance. In other words, you can no longer relax or forget at all without liquor. Or you can no longer have sex without porn at all or without it being kinky and nasty, which means there is no love, no honesty, no trust- it's empty and ultimately unfulfilling.

Yes, she does live in a very smelly and rundown trailer, but I tried not to judge her. I foolishly disbelieved my eyes and instincts at every turn and instead believed her lies.

Unfortunately, I have to change because there are too many people willing to take advantage of people like me out there. I let myself be a doormat, but never again. Furthermore, my ability for deep compassion has been stunted over this whole situation. What is the point in trying to be a good man if all it gets me in this day and age is heartache? Seems like women these days only want a male whore to have fun with. Anyway, I'm not the person I was and am battling great temptation myself. I have many mixed feelings toward her. I'm getting help, however, for my demons.

Yesterday was her 37th birthday, and I felt a lot of temptation to contact her and say so many different things. But thanks to God and a really good friend, I was able to resist that temptation.

I'm sure she spent it getting wasted and laid. It hurts to know she's with other men, and it hurts that I will never have her that way. I truly adored her. Plus, To be honest, knowing all her sexual kinks and fantasies thanks to the site, seeing those erotic photos, and my own intimacy with her fills my darker side with great longing and temptation- after all, I'm still a man and she's the most beautiful and sexiest woman I've ever been with. I'm fighting hard to stick to my morals and exorcise these demons, however. Her beauty is only skin deep and I keep telling myself I deserve better.

LadieNisha, It's also unfair to stereotype men that way, btw. We're not all that way. And thank God not all women are like her.

Lonelygirl, thank you for your interest in the poem I wrote before I discovered what she was. She did like the poem very much so she said- probably as another trophy from yet another man she had wrapped around her finger. I'll post it up next. It's about our relationship, how it changed over night after her weekend with her friends, and all the loneliness I've battled.

Thank you.

[awakenedbear]

"Where Have You Gone?"


Where have you gone my sacred love?
From whispered secrets to shattered dreams
Yearning, hungering for your sweet embrace once more
The mirror that captured my soul is slowly breaking my heart

Where once love ruled the kingdom with beneficent royalty
Indifference has now taken a foothold and plunged it all into chaos
Fear and guilt driving breathtaking beauty far away
Submerged in confusion, we quickly drown apart from one another

Loneliness- always the loneliness pulling me under
Bitterness and regret clawing its way to the surface
Fighting to emerge and hold on to what still is left inside
Hoping against hope for a miraculous resurrection

On my own feet again, I look around for the person I once knew
Wondering if I only saw a mirage of what I wanted to see
Aching for the woman that once set me on fire
I look around at the tumultuous waves of emotion

Standing on firmer ground, I take in all the shore
The sand like crystalline memories of better times
Breathing heavily from the exertion, tears cascade down my face
I collapse under the weight of my own sorrow

I dream of unimaginable beauty and love
A friend who somehow I've known all my life
A fiery crown is worn upon her head
She gently holds me and whispers her affection

When I awaken, she is gone and I am as I always am...
Alone.

Was it all a dream?

[littlewing]

Is it me, or does she sound like the man and he sounds like the woman in the relationship?Its her lifestyle, I doubt she would ever change. But, maybe there's reasons for her actions. I doubt women just up and decide they're gonna do things like that. IMO, a man's main reason for playing women is to get respect from his boys and be known as a ladies man. But a woman who acts like a man would? Yea, I think it has to do with her past, but like I said, thats my opinion.

...I'm thinking she's just wild and bored with her life, how she came to be this way is important too.


awakenedbear you shold really look at the bight side of the situation you just learned an extremely valuable lesson and all the rough parts of it are behind. You shouldn't ask questions like if her life would catch up with her, you should feel sorry for her she is the one with a twisted mind that she can't put at rest while you are in controll of yourself and you can have real feelings ('cause I don't think she can)... think in this direction you'll be better soon

[starbuck]

Bear, I'm sorry for what you went through. It sounds like you have some insight into how you got ensnared by her. That's half the battle. At least you know that you won't ever let yourself be involved with another woman like this again. It's good that you ignore her now. And when you see her flirting with other guys, don't feel hurt...just remind yourself that the guy she's flirting with is just another toy who will end up feeling used by her.

There are a number of people here on the forums who have been with manipulators. So you are definitely not alone in this.

EDIT: Nice poem, Bear. Very poignant.

[ecojeanne]

omg! u poor guy, i think it would also help if u read the following link, [url]http://samvak.tripod.com/index.html[/url]

that woman was one craaaaazy lady. but to be honest i dont feel completely sorry for u because u kissed a married woman....did u even think about her husband....even if u believed what she was sayin about her husband....dont u think that ultimately u cld have stopped this mess from the very moment u found out she was married? i kno hindsights a wonderful thing..

[awakenedbear]

Thank you for the kind words.

Ecojeanne, she kissed me -grabbed my head and attacked me in a park one night- and I wasn't strong enough with keeping the boundaries I told her I wanted, ie, I wanted to really get to know each other and build a friendship. She also started grabbing at my crotch more and more- I didn't like it- way too soon. Yes, I began to respond back as I am still a man. She wanted to go down on me and wanted to have intercourse with me, but I told her I wasn't ready yet. Didn't stop her from trying to change my mind on numerous occasions, however.

At every turn, I let her overtake my boundaries- something I will never do again. I now recognize that by treating my past girlfriends as queens, I pretty much did anything to keep them happy- even at my expense. I must learn to keep my boundaries and if a woman doesn't respect that, she is history.

Yes I did consider her husband. I wanted to tell him the truth when our relationship began to get romantic, because she said neither of them were happy and he was on his way out very soon. She wouldn't let me and I hated the sneaking around. When I saw those pics of her all bruised and battered by him, I no longer felt for him. Now that I know what she truly is, I feel very sorry for him. But when you try to reign in a wild, promiscuous sex addict, I guess this is what you get. He got his porn queen but at a very high cost indeed. She will never commit to anyone, and I do believe she may be bipolar as someone suggested. And believe me, there are very few men in the world who could resist this redhead's charms and beauty.

I also was very lonely and had lost touch with my friends and I ate up the constant attention she gave me. Believe me, I will never get involved with someone who's taken again- regardless of the sob story they may tell me. I'm done being the knight in shining armor.

I agree she exhibits narcissistic tendencies. I already thought of this myself. She is the epitome of confidence and charm, and knows she can get any man she wants because she always has. She also believes she can lie her way out of any situation for similar reasons. Everything is always on her time, her schedule, and has to be her way. Very self-absorbed and self-deluded woman.
And the whiskey sours she loves so much lowers her inhibitions even further, which paves the way for her other addictions.

Being bored doesn't warrant playing with so many other men's feelings- whether it's sympathy, love, lust, etc. for her own selfish designs and pleasures. She could choose to get help for her addictions and her compulsive lying, and set goals for herself and try to improve her life like a rational human being would. She could choose to stop using hubby for money and try to work on their marriage or leave him and make her own way in the world. But using others is what she is all about.


I've learned very valuable lessons about my own dysfunctional behaviors, what I want in a relationship, setting boundaries, etc from this mess, but I tell you all the pain was not worth it. Seeing her at work still hurts and brings out emotions in me, but I bear through the pain. Seeing the birds still reminds me of how I took care of them for her, and I can't help picturing her in front of the cages taking care of them herself as I've seen plenty of times before. Seeing her best friend at work and knowing she believed whatever lies she was told about me doesn't help either.

I'm focusing on my financial future now- thinking about getting a second job- and just being career and goal oriented. I'm ruined on relationships and am building strong walls around my heart to protect myself. But I will never ever let myself become the amoral, cold-hearted disgusting human being that she is.

Peace,
-Awakened Bear