help please, very torn

[Dasein]

You say that the uncle is more like a brother. How so? Is he close in age, proximity? How often would you see him in a year?

This is literally so close to home that I can understand your discomfort. I know of so many people in relationships that have issues with an ex who is someone they have never met..let alone a close brother type uncle.

You have to decide whether you think you love her enough to continue. All I can suggest is based on what I would do so here goes:

Speak to her about the issues that you are facing. If you love her, tell her so. Just explain that you are struggling at the moment and you need some time.

Take some time away from the situation. If after a few weeks you are missing her and feel that the situation isn't as bad as losing her then you know you can continue on. If not then you should move on.

All the best and let us know how you do.

[lesa]

Wtf people, that is his uncle. Gross. Deal breaker and than some. damn if I was your uncle I would laugh at your face behind your back, in a weird kind of way. I'm sorry but this is Jerry Springer Territory. Tie your shoes and run as fast as you can, there is plenty of women out there who don't try and date someone from the same family that they had a affair in. These women here give horrid advice, maybe they **** uncles of their boyfriends too. If this bothers you than GOOD...it is supposed too...it is your gut telling you that this is wrong, weird, and unacceptable.

Are you gonna invite this uncle to your wedding? haha, maybe ask your uncle for some advice on how to please her. Grab your balls, dignity, and pride and for crying out loud leave. Than again your are 30 and probably uber desperate so you won't listen to reason anyways.

I said that it would bother me too. You have no idea how much restraint I am using.

It's up to the OP to decide on what to do and to cope with this situation.

[starbuck]

How is it gross? Can someone explain that to me? It's not incest. HE's not sleeping with his uncle. She had a one night stand with him BEFORE they were together and it sounds like she's apologetic about it and wants to come clean to her BF. If they had a full fledged relationship, that would be different, but according to the OP they were intimate with each other only once.

Yes, it's unusual. Yes, it's too close for comfort. How is it gross?

I'll admit that most of my relatives are much older than me, so it's hard to put myself in this situation since it's not a situation I'd ever be in. It's unchartered territory for most, and before you start calling the OP names, try and remember that when people start dating into their 30's and 40's they date people with more baggage than those who are younger. For some this baggage is messier than others.

Is it considered incest? If so, why? What am I missing? Seriously, I really want to know. Maybe I'm being naive since I've never been in this situation.

[Cain]

When I read the OP, I was under the impression that the girl didn't know they were related.

She didn't cheat on him, so I don't understand what the big deal is. What if they live in a small town? I've known of quite a few of those where most everyone knows each other. If she didn't know they were related, she can't be accused of trying to continue to date in the family.

If this was a casual dating relationship, I could understand why this would be something to end it over... but if you really love her, I don't see how you could even entertain the thought.

[Kromat]

I say that, If we thought about the past and never forgot about the things that bothered us or mistakes
we did, we would never evolve and try to make ourselves better and for the people around us.
If your always going to question her actions, this relationship is doomed to fail.

P.S. Sometimes people will do things they didn't mean too,
when they're not in a relationship and need that fling.
You weren't in the picture before, so stop stressing over it and she probably regrets doing it anyways,
so let her have closure and just make her happy like you've been doing, when you're together.