Billy's mood of the week...

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 6/7/2004
Who said you were alone? That person doesn't know what he or she is talking about. You have friends in high places. You have allies that you never imagined coming out of the woodwork and offering their services. Your work or debt load becomes ever so much lighter when others are willing to help. Your fears vanish. Your worries are meaningless. Feel the power of your awesome support system as you move ahead. Seize your objective by the collar and the seat of its pants, turn it upside down and shake everything valuable out of its secret pockets.

Godsmack - Changes

All or nothing
It's sometimes life's between what's undecided
And all for nothing
It seems I'm wasting my time
Don't look down on me
Like I don't know anything that I've been doing
You talk down to me
It's time you take a better look inside

I'll never be the same
I'm moving back onto my ways
I'm looking for changes into my way

Bow down to me
Taken your pride and stuff it down inside
Vows are ruined
Losing my faith, losing time
Better off you than me
I just can't stand another day when you're in my way
A long time brewing
It's time you kiss your ass goodbye

I'll never be the same
I'm moving back onto my ways
I'm looking for changes into my way

I'll never be the same
I'm moving back onto my ways
I'm looking for changes into my way

I'll never be the same
I'm moving back onto my ways
I'm looking for changes
I'll never be the same
I'm moving back onto my ways
I'm looking for changes
I'm looking for changes
Into my way
Into my way
Into my

----------------

I think the song says enough about how I am feeling...

[manderbug]

I admire your ability to express your feelings. Wish I could spill my heart out as well.

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 6/8/2004
You're feeling social, right? If not, why not? You're positioned for fun, and it would be a waste not to take advantage. Laugh when something strikes you as funny. Make light conversation with individuals of no importance or those who might one day change your world. Play with the idea of being all things to all people. Maybe this isn't your usual self. Maybe it all seems sort of superficial. Well, so what if it does? Life is a party at the moment. Don't mistake this for what's it not. When those moments come along, you'll know.

--------------

Ok, wow ! Yeah !Since about lunch time yesterday my whole life just got turned upside down. I ussually dont post twice in this thread in 1 week, but I had to update...

The temp girl that work was working here yesterday kinda opened me up a bit I guess. We started to talk and laugh and joke. And my entire spirit was just lifted. I wasn't really attracted to her, but it was nice to be able to talk to someone in person. felt nice. Very nice. After work was out I was tlaking to everyone and anyone. I felt as though I was king of the world. Everyone would smile at me when I passed them in stores, or if they were in cars next to me I would glance over and they would smile. It was a weird time but it felt nice.

This morning I came to work all smiles again and the temp girl is gone, but I have been really talkative with all my co-workers. The entire atmosphere just feels different to me today. I cant wait for my lunch break to go to the batting cages. Who knows what kind of conversations I can hold with someone up there. hehe

God damn I feel good !!!!!

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 6/14/2004
Your family always turns to you. Your friends can depend on you for just about anything. And you better believe that they will. The stars cast you in a shining, steady light. Something about you says that you're a permanent fixture in this landscape. Standing firm is all right with you when it involves a pat on the back for talking in such a loud voice. You've never been clearer about your values and readier to defend them. This would seem confrontational if not for all the good vibes around here. Do what you can to keep the smile on everyone's face.

Korn - Take A Look In The Mirror - Alive

I cannot ever find a way
to throw these darkened thoughts away
Need no place to hide
It's thrown in my face everyday,
'cause it's the price I have to pay
for what's inside my mind

I am alive

You gives 'em to me everyday
That's okay, that's how I like to play
They're not first in line
What's in my head I didn't say
It's something that I can't run away
What's inside my mind

I am alive

I am alive
I will never run away
Places inside
My heart screams inside with pride
Once I cried
Now I wipe away the tears
Once I died
Now I'm alive

Alive!

I cannot ever find a way
to throw these darkened thoughts away
Need no place to hide
It's thrown in my face everyday,
'cause it's the price I have to pay
for what's inside my mind

I am alive
I will never run away
Places inside
My heart screams inside with pride
Once I cried
Now I wipe away the tears
Once I died
Now I'm alive

-------------

Things are getting better for me. I have learned to accept my feelings, my thoughts, my being. I have gone thru some rough times, and no matter how much I tried to run or forget them they just kept comming back to bite me in the ass.

I have learned to stop running. To stop hiding, and pushing my feelings down to make new fake ones that I wanted to feel. I learned to accept myself for who I am. Where I been. Where I'm going.

No more running. I will stand my ground. I will face my pain. Face my fears. I will fight. I will win... I have already won. I am alive.

Everything happens for a reason. My past has happened and has played out like it was suppossed to. Why must I run from that ? Why hide it ? Why forget it ? Forgotten things are doomed to repeat themselves. If you run from something you end up in a place you dont want to be. You end up running from yourself. You end up loosing yourself.

I have lost myself. I have lost it all. I have seen it all. I have felt it all. I have found it all. I have found myself.

I know why I have been how I have been for the past few months. I realized that I was running from my feelings. I am still in love with Destine. I am still hurting from her everyday. I wanted to get over her. I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget. This caused all confusion and hell to take over my mind, body, and spirit.

I have learned to accept the fact that I am still not over her. I know in time things will fade. Everything always fades. Everything always changes.

I know one day I will wake up and my first thought will not be of her. My last thought of each day will not be of her. My arms and lips will not reach for her in the dark as I sleep at night. My haert will not long for her. In time, I know this will come. Until then I will accept this. I will live with it. I will embrace it. I will go thru all the stages of a broken heart. This is the only way to correctly heal one's self being. There is no rushing it. No hiding from it. No running.

Its there. No matter what. But it will fade. It will wither and die. I am already beginning to win the war. For I am alive.

[BillyGalbreath]

Hello everyone. Its me again.

I dont have any horoscope or song this time to post. I just really didn't care to look any up today.

"Its been one of those days" as most people would call it. I have cried many times today. When I woke up. In the car. Watching a movie. And sitting here right now. I am crying my soul away.

I have realized who I am, who I was, where I am headed. Nothing, no one, no where.

Today I saw Robin again. And I smiled. A REAL genuine smile. Not one that I threw on for looks and then slowly gave in to. But one that came up from the inside that I tried to hide, but could not hold it in. A smile that made me feel all warm inside. One that eased all pains and all thoughts. The smile that I used to have on a day to day basis. The smile that I have lost.

Let me start from the beginning. The beginning that no one knows about.

you know what. **** it. whats the use anymore ? writing this out is just gonna make me hurt more.

i am just gonna go play my guitar now.

laters.

[jane]

Hey Billy... here is your new motto...

"I .. Stand .. Alone" ... Godsmack.
thought you may have missed that tune, lol

[BillyGalbreath]

yes thats a good song - but it doesnt match me. It is a simple of strength, kinda. "I stand alone, but proud and strong." is what I understand of the song. I am not proud nor strong.

But anyways... UPDATE !!!

About 2 hours after I posted my last post I got really really bored and got on the yahoo member directory and started looking at peoples profiles from my area... WELL.... To make a LONG sotry short, I met his girl, she is 19, lives about 30 minutes away from me, and she is very interested in me and I am of her. We barely get to talk online because i think her internet keeps messing up because we are only sending/recieveing part of our messages... its hard to explain. I am trying to get her number and she is trying to get mine, but by the time we trade, someone gets cut off of yahoo. (STUPID YAHOO!!) Well, we have a date set up for this weekend, but the details are sketchy so far, seeing that we havent had a chance to really talk. The next time the connection allows us to talk I am getting her number ASAP and then calling her right then and there. Then all the details should fall into place.

God I am so happy !

Finally I get to meet someone new ! And if it doesnt work out like I hope, at least I will hopefully gain a friend out of it.

So far from what we have been able to talk about, we have EVERYTHING in common. Its almost too good to be true (which comes in to play the yahoo **** ups)... She thinks I am perfect, and I think she is perfect. I dont think I have smiled and felt as good as I do for a long time. Yesterday was a good day for me all day long. I had my kids with me on fathers day, an old friend and my brother came to visit me, we played a game of home run derby, I talked to Sarah (thats her name) again last night for about 5 minutes before we got cut off. hehe, yeah I was mad, but overall I went to bed happy as all hell for what I have found.

Also I found out what my big thing that my horoscopes have been saying is comming. It is nothing to do with my love life, but it is my job. The guy that trained me is quitting, and I am going to be replacing him. Which means, bigger title, bigger salary. This is SOOO AWSOME !!! Everything great is happeneing all at once !

Oh ! And I got a new band together. It is me, my brother, and Nick (my old friend). We still need a bass player, but we are pretty sure Gene will be up for it.

So yeah. A girl, My job, Friends, A new band, My kids... EVERYTHING great is hitting me all at once ! This is ****ING GREAT !

Well, I am at work and I can't be on here as much anymore - I have ALOT more duties now which leaves me with little time to play on the net.

So yeah. I will keep you all updated with my life, but I doubt I will be spending alot of time on here like I used to.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me feel free to IM me on my messengers.

Laters !

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 6/30/2004
Patience can be exciting. There's a certain amount of mystery in waiting for the other shoe to drop. Keep your eyes open; discovery awaits you everywhere you turn. You stand outside events, observing them even as you experience them viscerally. Take comfort in your grasp of all the possibilities. You accumulate information that is too good to waste. You are an arrow drawn back against a taut bowstring. Your aim is true, but you can't hold this position forever. Release, when it happens, is the most exhilarating moment you've ever experienced.

well guys and girls, There really is no song to match my mood. either that or i am just too lazy to really look - lol.

I think I have made up my mind about what I want to do. The details still very sketchy, but it sounds good to me at the moment.

I am kinda confused - but in a way like never before.
My heart says to chase this girl, but then it wants to show her the door.
I feel so strongly towards her, I might just be desterate.
But then I realize that cant be it, I'm just trying to get my life set.
Is she worth the time ? Will she drag me down ?
Or is age just as irrelivant as using proper nouns ?
Maybe she is the one, but highly unlikely.
Everything clicks - she is exactly just like me.
Been thru the same shit, wanting to go the same place.
High and low is how I feel - just like the card, Ace.
What to do ? Oh What to do...
I should be used to this - same thing, just someone new..
Just another player coming to the table as I deal.
But this one has come too soon, I fear I am not healed.
Or maybe I am being stupid as always.
**** it - Back to my old ways of living day-by-day.

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 7/9/2004
You are a force to be reckoned with. You can get anything you want right now, but don't abuse the privilege. Use your power to ensure your place in the history books as the liberator rather than the conqueror. Being just, fair and judicious is not only suggested, but a necessity. Your courage inspires others. Your physical endurance and strength are at an all-time high, so be open to accepting a challenge you never thought possible. Winning is within your grasp.

Band: Staind
Album: 14 Shades Of Grey
Song: Blow Away

Live in my head for just one day
I see myself and look away
The road is showing now on my face
Soon I'll disappear, I'll disappear without a trace

Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away

I wish that I could disappear
Unzip my skin and leave it here
So I could be no one again
And never let nobody,
I'd let nobody,
I'd let nobody in

Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away

So now the walls are closing in
Because in life you sink or swim
Sometimes these shoes don't feel right in my head
Feel like a book that can't be,
A book that can't be,
A book that can't be read

Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away

----------------

I can feel God smiling down upon me today. He has lifted my spirits to heights never before reached. I feel I am finally back on track to where I want to be.

Last night Ian, my best friend up in Canada, sent me some files that I sent him a long time ago. Some websites, some pictures, some writings of mine, etc etc.. All things I made a little over a year ago while I was with Destine. The time before things got bad in the relationship. It took my mind, heart, and soul for an emotional flash back into the past. No, I did not cry last night, but I smiled. I smiled because I saw good. I saw love. I saw hapiness. I saw a friendship like no other. I smiled and remembered all that I forgot. It was truely a blessing from God. He opened my mind. He let me re experience everything I had experienced before. This is what I needed to truely move on.

Yes, Today is the first day that I feel no love for Destine. I feel no hatered for her. I feel no care for her. Today she has become nothing more than "my babies mama" LMAO ! j/k - she is nothing more to me than an everyday person that has walked into my life, and then walked out of my life.

I do not regret ever being with her. She has helped me grow, to learn, to live. She has made me into the person I am today. A better person than I was before her. I guarantee that.

I know what I want. And I'm back on track, the right way. My fate is playing out just as planned, and God is smiling upon me for the hard work and suffering I have passed. No longer looking to the past for answers, there aren't any back there, only confusion and misery. I no longer look to the future hoping, no longer rushing into something that isnt meant to be, no longer searching. But today I live for the moment, the now, the real.

I live for myself and my son. I live for happiness for my son and me. He is my world. He is my life. And nothing else matters. He is the one I love.

[BillyGalbreath]

No horscope today. No song today. I am not feeling to well. No, I'm not sick. I'm ill. Ill in the head. Ill in the heart. I am dieing. Slowly. Surely. This is me. This is the way I have been for 5 months. This is the true me that I have been hiding from everyone. I am withering away in this empty solitude. This cell that is my life. This... hell.

My number one fear for as long as I can remember was being alone. Single. Total isolation. Solitude. Isolated from the entire world being on a deserted island with no one else around for thousands of miles. Or being in a crowded room of people I dont know and be single. Singleness. I have always feared this worse than just being totally cut off form everyone. I'd rather be in a death cell serving out my time on death row in a solitary confinement chamber than be single and free.

I have never been single. I have always had someone there. Even if we were just kids that held hands and had 'puppy love'. It was great. I have always been able to get a woman if I wanted in a matter of hours. If one girl left me, I'd turn around and see someone else and hook up just as quick. If I left a girl I could do the same, but most times I left a girl was for another. So I really have and honestly haven't been single since my first g/f i had back in kindergarten. There has always been someone there.

Over the years as I got older the relationships have gotten stronger. Kissing was put into play my 7th grade year. Sex was put into play my Sophomore year. Love was put into play when I graduated high school. Real genuine love. And then after her it all just stops. Completely. No close freinds that I could cry on there shoulders when I needed to. No one lined up for me to turn to. When this last one left I turned around for the next, and no one was there. I have searched for months and no one is there.

Yeah, there may have been one or two girls pop up here and there... But it wouldnt have worked. So I put a stop to them. 1 girl was married, or getting married I should say. The other girl is a minor and she seemed really desperate on top of that (desperation has bad news written all over it from a woman).

Before I go any farther with this entery, I must say this. I am over Destine. I truely and honestly am. She is not the reason I cry today. If she was to come back to me I would turn her flat down without hesitation. So what I have said about her is not a lie. Those feelings are true. She is gone. And I wont let her back. And I am finally fine with it. She isn't what I want anymore. I want someone who can actually feel the things I do. Someone who can appreciate all I can give. Someone who can see the sacrifices I make, to see all the good I do. To give me strength when I am weak. To hold me when I cry. To be proud when I accomplish something. To actually know me. To want me. Not some made up guy that they put in there head for me to be. Me.

I know there is someone out there for me somewhere, who is also searching for me. But I fear we may never find each other. Or if when we do, it will be too late and I would have died on the inside. Which takes me back to my point. I am dieing.

I have hidden this for a few months now from everyone around me, but I spoke out my true feelings online. I figured the only way to get these feelings out was to share them with others. This has not worked. So I put up a mask again to hide my true self from the world. I have been pretending to be many many things on this site. If you read above you can see all the changes.

I am not bi-polar. I use that as an excuse to hide the changes in masks I make from time to time, which lately has been alot of masks. I am not happy with where I am going in my life. I am not haooy being single. I am not enjoying this solitude. Yeah I have friends now, but only a few. Nick is really the only one that talks to me on a daily basis. He has become my best friend in the past few weeks. My only true friend. But this isn't enough to satisfy me. I need a girlfriend. She doesnt even have to live with me. I just want someone to hold and kiss, and to spend time with and to share all of my deepest feelings.

Killerbabe said I was lucky to be able to enjoy being single, and that she was one that had to have someone there. They only way to grow is with someone there. The only true happiness to find is to make that special someone happy. She said it wa better than i ever can try to put it words. But she was describing me, as well as herself. That is the type of person that I am. I cant survive alone. Not emotionally, not phisically, not financially. No that doesnt mean i want a woman to help me with bills and shit. It just means when my emotions suffer, my appearance and job suffers. Everything about me suffers. And i have been suffering for quite some time.

I dont know why i keep writing this shit in here. No one reads it, and i dont think i really want anyone to read it. idk. People always say its good to write out how you truely feel. And seeing that i am a comp junkie and i hate writting with pen and paper, i figured i would just write it here. I havent found a point to me writting, but hopefully one day i will know why i do this. And it better be a damn good reson, lol.

The thing that got me thinking tonight is the movie "The Butterfly Effect". I started to think about life in general. And about if there was 1 thing you could change in your life, what would it be... I came to the conclusion I would change 6 words i said a year ago that changed everyone's lives that I know and that destine knows. I am not saying I want to be with her still, but things would have definately ended up WAY different than they are now. I would still rpobably be alone, but things between me and her would have ended on better terms and not so drastically. That would have helped me from suffering so damn much.

Then I started to think about how so much can change with so little effort as just a few words. Not actions, but just words. 6 ****ing words have put me in a spot i never saw comming and it totally sucks. Yeah if I would have never said them they would be a chance me and destine would have never split, but i seriously doubt that. It just wasnt meant to be for us.

Enough about her and the past though. I am tired of thinking about it all. I am tired of living in this hell. I want out. I want someone. I want someone to love and to hold and cherish as they the same for me. I want a girlfriend.

**** it i need sleep. laters.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Wouldn't these entries be more appropriate in a journal?

[BillyGalbreath]

yes but i cant get the journals to work.

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 7/16/2004
Start some kind of emotional clearing of old issues that have been eating at you for a while. If you approach the people involved calmly, you should be able to clear the air once and for all so you can concentrate on other things. Don't put it off. Squelching your own personal needs will only lead to resentment. Once you deal with your feelings about an issue, you may be able to act and move the situation forward.

Yeah ok hmm. Fawn just got me thinking about something. weird. anyways, I know I dont want to be single. I know I want a g/f. sex is not an issue, love is kinda the issue, but not really. The issue is not having someone there to hold. to talk to. to just spend close time together doing things we both like. Yeah I know I could get these things froma good friend, but what I want a friend cant offer. I want a relationship. Maybe not a strong one at first, I do know these things take steps to progress, but thats what I want. I want someone.

Knowing this I look back at my past of all the girls I have been with and/or gone after. None of them really shared my interests. Not the main ones anyways. Yeah we may have had the same personality and liked the same things, but she was not like me in the main area of my life. Computers. Yeah I know this sounds sad. But hell, I am a computer nerd. Com0puter nerds need to get with other computer nerds, so to speak. I have been going after the wrong type of women.

When I saw Fawns picture of her "zoned" into the computer screen I had a daydream. I saw myself with a woman that would zone into her computer while coding shit. I would do this too. Then I saw the pic of Fawn laying on tat bed and it got me thinking, ya know. Maybe the term "Computer nerd" really isnt all that bad. I look at myself as one and I'm not that bad of a guy. I dont look nerdy, I dont act nerdy. I just have a "zone time" that i just get into coding deeply. I am possitive now that I saw Fawn does that same thing, that there are others out there that do it too.

I am not saying I am looking for a woman that zones into her screen only. lmao. I am just thinking to myself and it just seems I need to adjust my advertising of myself to a different crowd of people if I want better responses.

I dont know really if this is the right decision, it seems right at the time. But how else will I know if I dont try, right ? Live and learn. Its the only way to play the game.

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok - yeah. The whole different crowd of people thing is working. I have like 3 girls that want me. Its a really cool feeling. Tonight elena gave me a hug when she left - she NEVER hugs me. And she was kinda startin to get really close to me and she kinda stuck near me where ever I went. I was flatering none the less. She also told me to go shave my stache so she could kiss me. I just looked at her, and then she laughed and said she was kidding. I dont think she was kidding, she kinda got all nervous when saying that... so yeah.

Yeah, then there is this other girl that I met a while back online - I think i mentioned her on this site before. Jeni. She is 17 and a bit bigger sized than I like them. Yeah, well she has been calling my phone non stop and left a few voice mails sayin how "she missed being with me" and stuff. I never answered the phone to her cause idk.. I am flattered yet again, but i just dont want to be with her and i cant find a nice way to let her down without being an ass... So yeah.

then there is this other girl that lives in Clear Lake (a few cities east of me). She has been talking to me barely on Yahoo and i gave her my number a few days back, actually i think a week ago - she called me today and was tryin to schedule a date. I kinda blew it off and made it seem like I was really really busy and asked for a rain check in a few weeks... Yet again It felt good and i was flattered. But Idk anymore, there is someone in my eyes that is kinda too far that I want to be with. So yeah.

This girl that I want to be with is far far away from me and has been saving up money for months to come to America. We have been talking for awhiule now on MSN and I have grown attached to her. And from what she is saying she has grown attached to me too. And yesterday i told her "I love you" and told her why. and she was so happy to hear that and said it back to me later that conversation. Whenever she gets enough money saved she is comming to houston to check out America and to see me. She says if things go good between us she will stay. I am SOO excited about it ! I just pray to God that this isnt another joke. I am pretty sure its not, and I am 99% sure its a girl and not a guy this time. lol !

Yeah, we met on this site to be exact - I wont say who she is because idk if she would want me to. But she is the nicest anyone ever has been to me. When I am down, she can lift my spirits to hights never reached. Last night I had tears of joy talking with her. The convo started out as a friend dumping on another friend and then she making me feel way better and then ended with us wanting to see each other. I SOO cant wait for her to get here !

But here lies the problem with all of this. I am lost. I dont know truely what I want. Now I know I still have my charm and I have women that want to be with me, but I dont know if I am ready yet. I mean I am over my ex and all, but this is the first time in my life I am single. And I havent truely gotten a chance to be single because I have just been sitting around crying about being single. All these girls I have mentioned (with the exception of Jeni) are very cute and very worth my time to date. And it felt awsome to be talking to one girl and then turn around and talk to another. I dont feel, well, tied down. I aint sayin I want to be a player or anything. I am happy when I am with someone, and today has been a great day because it was just one girl after another that I was with (talking to 2 of them and actually hanging out with 1). I havent been alone all day. Its a cool feeling. Yeah I wasnt all touchy touchy and lovey dovey with any of these girls (except i said "i love you" to the girl thats far away) but it was very nice and very pleasing to be around someone to talk and hang out and just have fun.

So now I am at a delema. I am in love with one girl. Not deeply, but enough to want to be with and see where things go. The other two girls are datable and I like. And I dont know what to do. lol. I am SOOO lost. And I dont even know if when I finish writing this if I am going to hit the submit button because the girl I love will read this. I dont want to loose her before I even get a chance to be with her.

i still feel very lonely at nights - like I do right now. I would give anything to be able to get up from this computer and go sit next to my girl and hopld her as we watch tv, or go lay down in bed next to her and just hold her as we sleep. In this sence, I want to settle down. I want to be tied down to one girl. I want to have a serious relationship.

But then I wake up and its a whole new day, with a whole new set of feelings because I know that I am about to get dressed and go hang out with someone and just have fun. Talk for hours about nothing - laugh and joke around - watch movies together - play games or sports - program shit together - play songs together - there is just soo much that I do during the days with so many different people - and its all fun. I enjoy it. I love it. And then at the end of everyday I go back to my room. And I sit in front of my computer. And I look back at my empty bed. I look at the empty chairs. I am alone again. No one to talk to. No one to hold or hang out with. No one to kiss. No one to laugh and joke with. No one to sleep (not sex but actual laying in bed sleeping) with. Nothing. Back to my cell where I am forever growing calice and cold. Where I am dieing and withering away. Roting into nothingness. A walking and talking souless freak. Forever growing blind and deaf in this cell of eternal emptiness.

This is where I go every night. This is where I die every night. This is where I cry every night.

I really wish I had my own place. Not living here with my dad and step mom. Then I could have someone stay over anytime I wanted. I could have any girl I meet stay over. No, not as or for a relationship. But to hold and not feel so alone. Someone I could just hold. I go to sleep with her, and wake up with her. I wouldnt care if it was a different girl each night. I just want someone. Anyone.

But back to where inlies the problem. Am I desperate ? Do I just want to be a "player" ? Or am I just waiting and searching for the right person to come along ? These are the questions that go thru my mind every night when I think about this. Do I try to find a girl to settle down with ? Do I just sit back and eat up all this attention I am getting from these girls ? Do I push them all away and stay alone forever or until I know exactly what I want ? Over and over again the questions repeat taking different forms. Never do I ever find an answer. Just emptiness, much like everything else in my life. Everything is empty. My heart is empty. My sould is empty. My life is empty. My coke can sitting next to me is even empty for ****s sake !

Forever searching for answers. Seeking. Roaming. Finding nothing but more questions. Never any answers. I'm always full of questions - but never have any answers - but yet when someone asks me something - i have all the answers.

Funny when you think about that. I have all this knowledge of alot of things - but yet I am full of so many questions that have left to be unanswered.

here I sit again in my room
trapped in this cell feeling blue
nothing to do - no one to see
just fading away for all eternity
what am I looking for ?
why have I opened all the doors
yet found nothing
not one ****ing thing
I am so lost, so dead
from everything thats in my head
so as always I sit back and think
and get all these feelings out thru ink

I dont know where that just came from. lol. I get in certain moods and I just write. Not one of my best works, but its good.

Ok, well I am done spilling now. Honey, when you read this, contact me. You know who you are. Your the only one that can make me smile in times like these.

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 7/19/2004
More fun and creativity for Aries today! Make sure you set aside some time for pleasure during the day -- tonight you may have to get back into serious mode. Something big is going to happen today in your romantic, creative or child-related life. You will be fueled with a special fire for life in general. Make the most of your great support network -- they're looking out for you today. Make not just one, but several wishes, because they may come true!

Yeah - this one I find very hard to believe. Time reveals all tho - so I'll just have to wait and see.