Am I just too needy??

[starbuck]

I have never asked him not to go to anything with his friends or got angry with him for going. I just feel like I get the last consideration. I am where he comes if there is nothing else going on. I moved here because he asked me to. He is my best friend...well my only friend here. I want him to have a life but lots of things we could do together. I am an avid football fan, love fishing and golfing...that's what he said in the beginning he liked so much about me. So what exactly do you think I've done that says I am needy. I really am trying to understand this because I can't stand needy guys. I don't smother him (I only see him 2 times a week) or question him, I just try to ask for what I want and need and yes I do get upset when I get pushed aside after we have made plans...but I don't know a woman alive who wouldn't.

It is very hard to move somewhere you've never lived for someone else. If he is your only friend, maybe part of the problem comes from the fact that you are somewhat isolated socially save for him. If you had more going on socially, perhaps you wouldn't feel so "left out." I'd try to make some new friends if I were you.

His emotional barrier may be an incompatibility problem. He may not be as emotionally expressive as you would like (and it's perfectly ok for you to want it), but it might not be a dealbreaker thing. Kind of like when one person is messy and the other person is neat. How badly this matters to you is really for you to decide.

If you want to stay with him though, you'll have to work around this somehow and make compromises with him, much like the messy and the neat person. Also weigh the pros and cons. If he's emotionally inexpressive and that is one flaw stacked up against many many good points, then focus on his good points and learn to love him for who he is. He can't be forced into being what he's not.

[PeaceNLove08]

It is very hard to move somewhere you've never lived for someone else. If he is your only friend, maybe part of the problem comes from the fact that you are somewhat isolated socially save for him. If you had more going on socially, perhaps you wouldn't feel so "left out." I'd try to make some new friends if I were you.

His emotional barrier may be an incompatibility problem. He may not be as emotionally expressive as you would like (and it's perfectly ok for you to want it), but it might not be a dealbreaker thing. Kind of like when one person is messy and the other person is neat. How badly this matters to you is really for you to decide.

If you want to stay with him though, you'll have to work around this somehow and make compromises with him, much like the messy and the neat person. Also weigh the pros and cons. If he's emotionally inexpressive and that is one flaw stacked up against many many good points, then focus on his good points and learn to love him for who he is. He can't be forced into being what he's not.

Thank you. You are exactly right. I know this is my problem because I've never been an insecure person and when things didn't feel right in a relationship, it has never been this difficult to move on. I do question if it's because I am so isolated that I hang on to him or is it because I love him so much...or maybe both. I have only been here 2 months and I live out in the county...and work from home. Yep..I am very isolated and depend on him too much for my social life. Some of this is because of the picture he painted about what it would be like if I did move closer. I have always been very independent and had lots of friends so this has been difficult to feel like I need him more than I want to for the companionship. Afterall - that is why I moved here.

I know I will have to make a decision and I know we love each other, but this has been difficult for both of us. I think that if I had other social activities, it would make it easier for both of us. I have a 9 year old son so my social life is very limited and the things I like to do are very (boyish) so it has been difficult to find girlfriends that do the things I like.

You are right though...I cannot stay with him in hopes he will change. I will have to change my perception and get a life or move on. That is where I get stuck. I don't want to end it, but I don't like it the way it is either. Hopefully me making some new friends will eventually help me to make a decision one way or the other.