fear of cheating, once married, - commitment is new to me.

[lesa]

im not here to argue with you, im here to ask for advise from poeple who may have been in the same boat i am in.

Anyone who has been in the same boat would know that this is serious and is a psychological issue more than anything else.

Seeking professional counseling is probably your only good advice at this point in your life. This is a serious psychological issue. You will NOT have a healthy marriage without professional treatment of some kind. I would probably not ever marry if I had this issue.

Take control and seek counseling if you are serious about a healthy marriage.

[Time Piece]

im here to ask for advise from poeple who may have been in the same boat i am in.

Nah, nah, nah. Your not getting it. I apologize if I came off in a way that offended you.

I'm not here to rankle you. I TRULY want to see you make the right decision, not just for you, but for HER as well.

Allow me to try and put this in a nutshell for you.

Let's try this from the top. 1averagejoe wrote this in response to you "seeking" help...

If you're not willing to give something like that up and are not even confident in yourself...this woman doesn't deserve to be married to you. Don't go hurting someone else because you can't control yourself.
If you think this is something you know you're going to have trouble getting over with, seek professional help.

Then, I back quoted 1averagejoe and wrote this...

What he said… exactly.

Then bluesummer wrote this...

I wouldn't be getting married until you were certain you could get a grip on your urges. It's not fair to your future wife.

then lesa wrote this...

Seek professional counseling (marriage?) is the best thing to do in this situation. If I was absolutely serious then I would do that.

Then I wrote this...

Where NOT talking about me now are we?! Where talking about YOU. And IF you really love this girl, IMHO, judging from what you are saying you should NOT marry her if you can not say with 100% certainty that you will love her and only her.

“I, AmIwrong, do take _____ as my wife, to love honor and cherish, forsaking all others…”

Then lesa wrote this yet again...

Anyone who has been in the same boat would know that this is serious and is a psychological issue more than anything else.

Seeking professional counseling is probably your only good advice at this point in your life. This is a serious psychological issue. You will NOT have a healthy marriage without professional treatment of some kind. I would probably not ever marry if I had this issue.

Take control and seek counseling if you are serious about a healthy marriage.

Now, just so we are clear here on four seperate occasions three different posters have all agreed that you need to seek professional help.

And in four other posts four seperate posters stated that you should NOT marry her. And, that "seeking" professional help would be your best bet.

Hope this helps.

[IndiReloaded]

Hey, AmI, I dunno about the other posters, but I've been with my husband almost 20 years (15 married). Pretty much everyone I know who has made it past the 10 year mark says they've been tempted at some point and to some degree to have a fling outside the marriage.

There are various reasons for this that I won't go into. You can read about them on your own. Just google for things like 'affair-proof your marriage'. Will Harley has a great site for this stuff and discusses how to keep things on an even relationship keel.

Ultimately, tho, staying faithful is a decision you make. Its about personal commitment. To your marriage, your wife & your values.

Oh, and those I know who DID have an affair, ALL say it wasn't worth it.

Get that book I mentioned. And just decide for yourself whether a monogamous marriage is something you believe in. If it is, then just do it. Its that simple.

[Dating Port]

In case you were not listening, Reread the thread. The answer could not have been clearer. AND I AM SPEAKING FOR MY DAUGHTER!

[Aeradalia]

To the OP, you seem to have the innate desire to be with many partners... rather than just one. These are the strategies that men are born with... to be monogamous or to stray...one or the other. Often times a more faithful man can be tempted, but with determination and self-control this can be dissuaded. You, however, are not a faithful man... not naturally. There's nothing inherently wrong with this... unless you want to be with a woman who is innately faithful.

You can undergo the counseling if you want, but they can only teach you how to deny and control your innate desires. Fundamentally you will still be a guy that is not truly monogamous.

Enjoy women and their company... but be honest and do not lead them on (this is how you can be a good man and still true to your nature). Some relationships you have will be brief and others will be quite lengthy, but you will still have the freedom to move on when the urge hits you.

Try as you might... monogamy is not for you. Do not let societal 'norms' and other factors force you to be something you inherently are not. You will hate yourself more and only hurt those around you in the long run.

[lesa]

If he wants to sleep around then that is fine. No one is telling him to remain in a monogamous relationship. Here, he speaks of marriage and that's the issue.

[Dating Port]

It's funny, when I got to the bottom of this thread i saw an ad Promoting Meet married Women. sort of what I do....