I have to end this.

[Clifton]

nah, i am the weakest person i know, and if i ever make it outof this 'black hole',
im lucky just to be alone and alive with nothing to look forward to
in that mindstate, really what is the point, i dont know-i miss days when i was with her and not only would i wanto wake up the next morning, i couldnt wait to wake up, honestly to me that would be a ****ing miracle, if i could feel like that again, with or without being in love, but i have a 2 year old baby sister who i might very possibly hafto be a fulltime father to within 10years or so, so i really just hafto deal with it.

sometimes it is great to be alive, sometimes your not quite alive at all

[squirrley]

Ok-so youre not exactly out of 'blackhole' but really you are-youre breathing youre awake may not feel like it somedays...but you get up every morning. What are you doing to make yourself "feel alive"? Its a natural process everyday to get up and get out of bed...but its how you deal with yourself day to day...I have no doubts you REALLY DONT want to feel like shit everyday...you can feel good about yourself without someone being in your life...finding yourself, who you are, what you want in life, where you want to go, those things Outlines make YOU. They make can make you or break you-its YOUR decision on how you want to lead your life. I just found that its a hell of a lot easier to find that happiness with myself first...and get everyday knowing that today will be ok-even if I have shitty day at work-problems with my son-whatever negativity comes my way I HAVE to find a positive thing in my day somewhere. Its easier for me to be happy then to be miserable...I burn more energy I feel more alert...more alive...and thats what people who have or get depression dont think they'll ever get. But God gave us the ability to choose...and so its up to ourselves to choose what state of mind we really want ourselves in...positive thinking my friend...positive thinking.

In the aftermath-and looking back on my depression-I smile now-cause I know Ive been through it-it was pure hell-but Im glad I was able to defeat it...I did it. And I wont go back.

Its easy to sit in your room and mope and be depressed...and its easy to make yourself happy-what isnt easy is making the decision. But once youve done it-youve come along way-and looking back on that road-youre miles ahead of where you started and you can see yourself living the life you were meant to...and you'll wonder why you didnt do it sooner...but its a lesson learned. Someday-just someday you might and more than likely WILL be able to get up and feel better...and know your dark days are gone...someone YOU will make a decision to lead a life that is right for you Outlines...its really not that bad you know? Trust me-life can be great if you just grab it by the horns my friends...look towards the good things...things that make you happy...

ok now that ive gone on for ever...sorry

[Uncertain]

Here we go...I told her on the phone. I explained the situation and how I felt about it. She cried and screamed at me for about 30 minutes. Then she hung up. I'm afraid that she could be injuring herself right now.

[squirrley]

See-heres the thing-you knew thats how she would react...you cant expect anything less-but DONT call her...if you do that spells more trouble. When the guy I was with ended it on the phone he knew too-but he called the next day..."to see how I was" come on...let it go already-youd only make or give her hope. So DONT call her. LET IT GO NOW!!!!

[sfalexi]

I'm afraid that she could be injuring herself right now.

Which you can't prevent. She may, she may not. But that's HER choice on how to deal with it. Not yours. Some people might go into a drinking phase. You gonna blame yourself for that? Some people choose to sleep around to get over someone. Or a rebound relationship. You gonna blame yourself for that? You've done your part in being honest and letting her know that you don't feel for her anymore. Now it's up to her to get over it.

Alexi

[Uncertain]

She wrote to me and It seems like things are far less dramatic than what I expected. I feel relieved.

[BillyGalbreath]

Dont reply to her ! you will **** things up dude. just cut all contact. move on.

[sfalexi]

There ya go. Or if you want, (and you didn't clarify it in a past conversation or email) reply and only say that you think it's best that you guys don't contact each other so that you both can move on. Cause she may be expecting replies and keep writing asking, "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?!?!?!?!?!"

But if you already told her that you guys shouldn't stay in touch, at least let her know.

Alexi