How long do you wait..?

[casco]

I reckon after about 2- 3 weeks max, depends on how often you see them. Maybe 4-5 dates.

The problem with leaving it too long is that you can just end up being friends and the chemistry can die quickly - you need to make sure you are in there before the boredom sets in

[Riyko]

My current boyfriend I had sex with him before we even started dating. He asked me out later that day. He thought we started dating and then had sex lol.

[LC897]

I would say never on the first date for me. Although, I made my current bf wait 3 months. I would have made he wait longer, but I felt comfortable enough with him. Plus, I felt like I knew very well. It just depends, you'll know when the time is right. If he likes you enough, he won't pressure you into having sex with him. My best friend made her fiance wait a 1yr. They have been together 10 years now.

[Asparagoose]

It depends. If you don't really like the guy but think he's attractive, then just long enough so you don't think he thinks you're a slut, like anyone seriously cares. If you really like the guy and see a long-term future with him, then you wait a lot longer out of fear of being hurt and all that great stuff while hoping that nobody else pops into the picture or he doesn't lose interest and leave.

I learned the hard way, but from now on I pretend I'm emotionally unavailable. If you think I'm the kind of guy to leave you, then you have poor judgment in character, will probably be really insecure and paranoid in the relationship, never respect me or trust me, so let's just cut it short right here and save each other the time and drama. Plus, I think it's retarded that you would sleep with the asshole at the drop of a hat and then get attached and hurt, but "not rush" with someone you really like. So given the choice between having sex and then a relationship, or feeling unattractive, undesired, unwanted, and then losing interest and leaving, I'd pick the former over the latter every single time.

To the poster before me, I dated someone like that, and that's exactly what happened. She already had a boyfriend, and just wanted a guy "friend". All she wanted was to just have fun and sex. She was really cool and relaxed, although she did smoke pot, but the fact that she didn't want a relationship drove me nuts. As soon as she broke up with the other guy she was seeing, I told her I really wanted to be together. She ended up breaking things off because I wasn't fun enough or as much into partying as her. That just made me want her more because she was so blunt and honest about it. It's a shame really cool girls like that are usually attracted to the really aggressive guys who beat them, cheat on them or treat them like shit.

[Illusional]

the faster i am able to pull off her pants, the faster mines will come off.

raverboy

[Bo]

agreed. no rules if the feelings are there....it just happens

[glow]

i waited 2-3weeks last time, wish i waited longer. you have more time to be really super dooper creative. however i think it also depends on how many times you see the person, in that 2 week period i spoke to them every day and saw them 4 times a week at least.

[Lite]

you have more time to be really super dooper creative.

You know, it doesn't actually take much effort at all to be creative if you bother to actually pay attention to your partner. One time parlor tricks are nice and all, but they're really just that. If you're going to have sex, and you want it to be "special" hell just go all out on pleasing them. Treat every time you sleep with them like it's the last time you'll ever do it.

I have an absolutely amazing sex life, and it's because my partner and I take the time to learn each other, pay attention, and openly communicate about what we need in bed. I have no qualms about giving my mate what she wants in bed, when she wants it. An evening of spanking, sure. Ropes, restraints, and whips. Why not. Chocolate fondue body painting, yep. Hot tubbing, sure. Hell, if she wants to go to a dirty parking garage and be treated like a whore, sure. Nobody gets hurt, she's happy, I'm happy, it works. Just don't be a pansy about it.

As for how long, really that's a variable time between you and your mate that you both find acceptable. Same night, next day, 3 weeks, 6 months. If you're OK with it, it's fine. Just learn to not use sex as an emotional attachment device.

Oh, and make sure you're both tested (and you exchange results) before going through with it. It only takes one time to **** up your life permanently, and it shows that you respect not only your own health, but that of your partner.

[glow]

ya, i'm not saying it should be an effort, and you can always be creative after the fact too, i'm just saying it's fun. and ya, getting tested is the most important thing, especially if you're younger nowadays

[Cbrider]

Oh, and make sure you're both tested (and you exchange results) before going through with it. It only takes one time to **** up your life permanently, and it shows that you respect not only your own health, but that of your partner.

With my last girlfriend it all just happened in like a 5 min span, I really got caught up in the moment and I regret that. I'm still clean and everything, but I could have ended up a lot worse.

Kind of an awkward question to ask in a way, not sure how I would go about it.

[Indignant]

You know, it doesn't actually take much effort at all to be creative if you bother to actually pay attention to your partner. One time parlor tricks are nice and all, but they're really just that. If you're going to have sex, and you want it to be "special" hell just go all out on pleasing them. Treat every time you sleep with them like it's the last time you'll ever do it.

I have an absolutely amazing sex life, and it's because my partner and I take the time to learn each other, pay attention, and openly communicate about what we need in bed. I have no qualms about giving my mate what she wants in bed, when she wants it. An evening of spanking, sure. Ropes, restraints, and whips. Why not. Chocolate fondue body painting, yep. Hot tubbing, sure. Hell, if she wants to go to a dirty parking garage and be treated like a whore, sure. Nobody gets hurt, she's happy, I'm happy, it works. Just don't be a pansy about it.

Lite, are you for real? You really try too hard to make yourself, your life and your advices to seem perfect. Please come back to planet earth and give people REAL suggestions that would work on human beings and not bullshit that you give us from a fantasy world that you have created in your head.

[IndiReloaded]

Dig, I dunno, mbe you are right, but I didn't find Lite's post over the top. I didn't take it to mean that they have sex like that all the time, just that they are open to possibility. I mean, haven't YOU done all that stuff at least once w/all your experience?

Mbe you didn't read his history in the other thread, but "perfect" is not how I would have described his past. Completely FUBAR & he paid the price, sounds more like.

Anyway, Lite? Congrats on your wedding. Hope you come back & post about it.

[Indignant]

I did read his other posts, and it seems like he is going over the top to redeem himself.

[Gigabitch]

For the record, I'm really enjoying Lite's posts and just told my husband about it a couple of hours ago.

And to answer the OP's question, it totally depends on how I feel about that person. My husband got his hand down my pants on our first date, way back when. My ex-husband, however, didn't even get to first base on our first date and we didn't have sex for almost a month.

Why is this? Money. The panties come off as soon as I've seen $500 in date-spending.

No, I'm totally kidding. That's not true at all.

[Lite]

Lite, are you for real? You really try too hard to make yourself, your life and your advices to seem perfect. Please come back to planet earth and give people REAL suggestions that would work on human beings and not bullshit that you give us from a fantasy world that you have created in your head.

LOL. I actually get this reaction about 50% of the time, and the other 50% of the time people bother to ask more details.

No, I don't live in a fantasy world, I Just have a very good and very active sex life. After being married to a woman who slept with me a total of 5 times including the wedding night, and honeymoon while we were married and dealing with the huge self esteem destroyer it was to cry myself to sleep at night because I felt rejected by my mate I blamed myself for somehow being inadequate in bed. So, I decided to educate myself on sex, sexuality, and I'm just generally an empathetic person so that doesn't hurt me much either. It turned out that my ex just had no desire to meet my needs in bed. She wasn't lousy or anything, she just stopped trying or caring to. Anyway, I whored myself out after that for a few months and came away with a much different idea of what I was, and was not capable of in bed.

I'm just big on physical intimacy, hugs, back rubs, back scratching, petting, and sex fits into that directly as a form of nonverbal communication of feeling. I'm not a swinger, I don't have rampant 3somes, I don't have an open relationship.

My life isn't perfect, it has its trying days. I have days where I need to drop everything and tend to the fiance's depression, or fits of anger directed at me that I didn't cause. Or, when my ADD flares up and I don't pay enough attention to my mate because my brain is being eaten by some loop of thought.

But sex? Sex I'm good at. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort to ensure that I'm good at it. If my partner isn't enjoying it, then I'm not. I'm actually so giving of myself in general to others, that it's a flaw.

That all having been said. My life is very kink friendly, and I find nothing wrong with being so. Using leather or neoprene restraints isn't any different that the bodice ripper fantasy of being tied up with silk scarves. Only, the restraints don't bunch or pinch like silk does when tied improperly.

I just think that people make the idea of putting a little energy into sex as being too taxing on their energy. I'm not opposed to quickies, or normal nights in bed at all. I just go out of my way to show my partner (and vice versa) that they are very valued and appreciated.

The fiance is also extremely educated about sex, sexuality, emotional development, and collects vintage porn from the 12-16 century.