Uuuhm ok not sure how to ask this

[boobaa]

Why is that shock? Shock of what? Can you analyze the process of it?

I am not a woman, so...

But I know, if someone tried to rape me in my ass, I would fight, unless there is a blade under my throat (which would suck really bad). That is simply because man is not supposed to have sex with another man, its against my nature. Now if a really ugly big fat smelly woman tried to do it (assuming she manages to actually get me erected) or something else similar, I'd probably wouldn't be THAT desperate. I'd still fight, but not for my life. Because that situation would be more normal.

[Gigabitch]

Anyway, I still think its kind of odd that some girls get raped all the time. There must be something more to it. There once was an article about it, stating that some people actually let it go because their unconcious mind wants it, there are tons of ways to fight back, girls weakness is overrated imho.

Oh, boy. Where to begin?

Look, boobaa, some girls get raped a lot because they're broken individuals, ripe for the picking and easy to spot if you're a rapist. This kind of emotional damage is often caused by molestation- by girls getting raped for as long as they can remember, usually by family members.

I don't know if blaming the victim is commonly done in Estonia, but I find your approach to this issue disturbing.

Yes, someone like myself who has had the great fortune to have never been raped would stand up and scream about it. I'd beat the guy to a pulp with a tire iron. I'd tell my brother about it and he'd help me bury the ****er in the desert.

Maybe this girl doesn't have that kind of self-worth going on. maybe she was raised by insane people who think that it's a girl's own fault if she gets raped. Maybe she's related to YOU.

[boobaa]

I am not blaming anyone much exept the guy rapist. I just want some clearance for the sake of knowing how the mind works.

But do you think if I tell someone its her own fault make her fight or make her using it as an excuse to get more rape?

[ecojeanne]

fact is boobaa, women getting raped by a man and a man getting raped by a woman; both are wrong, however women are easier to rape, sorry to be crude but women have a hole that doesn't need any stimulation for the process to work; it just works if the guys feels like it. it's a complete an utter violation simply coz he is INSIDE her. i see as more of a violation than the other way around.

a man getting raped by another man is just as traumatic as a woman getting raped by a man.

men are stronger by nature and therefore women have a lot more to fear, and yes it is a shock, its the same as a deer in the headlights.

[lesa]

I don't know. It's do or die or me. I would probably rather be killed. I'm going to fight. But I was taught to be defensive and it naturally kicks in with me without having to think about it. Of course, that does not apply to everyone and is beyond the topic discussed.

[Gigabitch]

But do you think if I tell someone its her own fault make her fight or make her using it as an excuse to get more rape?

I think it will only reinforce her terrible, twisted sense of self-hate. People don't like getting raped, boobaa. Rape, by definition, is forced sex against the victim's will. That's not something anyone wants more of.

[Gribble]

I don't know. It's do or die or me. I would probably rather be killed. I'm going to fight. But I was taught to be defensive and it naturally kicks in with me without having to think about it. Of course, that does not apply to everyone and is beyond the topic discussed.

It's easy to say that while sitting safely at your computer within the comfort of your own home. When something like that actually happens it's a whole different story. It isn't easy to say just how you'd really react in that situation, no matter how tough and defensive you think you are.

[lesa]

Darn, I knew someone was going to say that. I have always had that thought before I have ever got into that situation. And I still do. I'm speaking from experience. Of course if there was a gun I really don't know what I would have done.

Anyways, the OP needs to get help in some way. I suggest counseling definitely.

[ecojeanne]

anyway silent, i really really feel for your trauma, please do contact RAINN. they will help you get thru this.

[silenteaux]

to answer a few of your questions I was 16 at the time of the rape and am now 17 he w
S and is 17... I will admit I am partially to blame I had been drinking that night... Though intoxication did hinder me... He's on the wrestling team... He's very built and can lift probably 3 of me... Even sober I don't think I could have fought him off... I did try though please don't think I didn't... But it went on forever I couldn't keep fighting... He kept hitting me when I fought back. I just gave up... I didn't turn him in... Cause I'm so embarrassed... And disgusted in myself... I feel so dirty... I was my cousin... And I don't want my family to know... I don't think they'd believe me... They'd think I was just drunk and being a whore... It was my fault though for drinking...
I don't know how ryan will react... Hell likely be angry I was drinking and that I didn't go to the police... I know I should have gone to the police but I couldn't... Verbalize it … I couldn't say I was raped... Just thinking it still makes me feel like vomiting... I agree with what several of you have said, that I need to get myself ok first... But I think telling my boyfriend is where I need to start to begin feeling better..
Thank you all who have responded I didn't expect such an overwhelming respons.e...

[vashti]

You are just a kid, sweety! Your boyfriend is not the person to help you through this. You need a professional.

Your family sounds awful, BTW.

[IndiReloaded]

Of course if there was a gun I really don't know what I would have done.

If there was a gun & you found yourself otherwise without help you'd spread your legs and hope for the best. You'd watch and wait, learn the guy's face, smell, voice, etc and wait for your chance. Either in the moment if you get the opportunity or afterward.

I would only fight if I calculated a reasonable chance of escape & I knew who my assailant was and I could do some significant damage. Or if I thought I might be killed. But I have a son I want to see grow up, so my priorities are different.

What you do next depends on if you know the person & what kind of support you have where you live. Some families would take care of this kind of business w/o ever involving the police. Most likely what Giga said, they'd end up disappeared.

For the OP, tho, the most important thing is to get some professional support. Worrying about what your BF might think is not even on the radar, as Eco & Gribble said.

Take care, honey.

[carl1222]

I think what you have said here are the things you have to be prepared to articulate when talking with your boyfriend. The force, the beating, the family issues, your embarrassment. The fact that you had been drinking does not create a license to rape.

I don't at all agree with Gribble that there is such a bright line to judge his reaction ... instantly supportive = decent, blame = not decent. As men, we would hope that we would react just as Gribble suggests. But this will be very unpredictaby emotional for him too, just not in the same way.

Carl.

[Mish]

to answer a few of your questions I was 16 at the time of the rape and am now 17 he w
S and is 17... I will admit I am partially to blame I had been drinking that night... Though intoxication did hinder me... He's on the wrestling team... He's very built and can lift probably 3 of me... Even sober I don't think I could have fought him off... I did try though please don't think I didn't... But it went on forever I couldn't keep fighting... He kept hitting me when I fought back. I just gave up... I didn't turn him in... Cause I'm so embarrassed...

I know I should have gone to the police but I couldn't... Verbalize it … I couldn't say I was raped... Just thinking it still makes me feel like vomiting... I agree with what several of you have said, that I need to get myself ok first... But I think telling my boyfriend is where I need to start to begin feeling better..
Thank you all who have responded I didn't expect such an overwhelming respons.e...

Personally I think you need to start by telling your parents. They are your guardians who are responsbile for you and they should be your first line of support in this. I realize the implications of telling them and splits this may cause in the family, but it's something that needs to come out. If he gets away with it now he will be likely to strike again and again. Your family needs to know the truth and I believe this will bring closure to you (as well as in your relationship) as well.

[silenteaux]

I can't tell my family I can't say why but when I told them about the first rape things did not end well... I don't really have the money to see a professional though I will go to rainn. I know it may not seem like the right course of action to anyone else... I just have to tell someone... And he's the only person I trust enough.