Feelings for a recently separated friend ...

[Indignant]

All men and women are unique. Everytime I got divorced I had my guy friends who were always there for me, even if all I wanted was a one night stand. I still am friends with them. I think it's all about communication and support and individual needs of a person. Don't compare all people to yourself.

[carl1222]

Just in case you are still reading, Jaybird (I don't think I would be if I were the OP in a thread with so much off-topic vitriol), I think you sense the right thing to do ... be cautious, neutral and supportive if she asks you to be, but do not promote your romantic feelings at this time nor say anything that might encourage her to think of you as her safety net in this unsettling time. Keep your friendship low-key and preferably not in person ... and be prepared to be hurt if she reconciles ... only you can determine if it's worth the risk!

The time to let your feelings be known is when she has absolutely decided that her marriage is over ... when she files for divorce. By the way ... you are not completely free to pursue a new relationship either ... why are you still married?

Good luck.

Carl.

[starbuck]

All men and women are unique. Everytime I got divorced I had my guy friends who were always there for me, even if all I wanted was a one night stand. I still am friends with them. I think it's all about communication and support and individual needs of a person. Don't compare all people to yourself.

You're talking about AFTER a divorce though, Indignant. This woman the OP has feelings for is in the middle of a separation, in which the future of her marriage to her children's father is unsure.

If he were just a friend with a shoulder for her to cry on, that would be one thing. But he has romantic feelings towards her which means he would be running the risk of interfering, not helping, as Vash and Lite said.

Keeping his feelings to himself would be the respectful thing. And in the long run, were she happen to divorce and start a relationship with him, I think she would greatly respect him for butting out.

[Charlie Boy II]

Everytime I got divorced I had my guy friends who were always there for me, even if all I wanted was a one night stand.

haha they sound like upstanding young gentleman!

[Indignant]

haha they sound like upstanding young gentleman!

hey, I have my needs too!

[Indignant]

You're talking about AFTER a divorce though, Indignant. This woman the OP has feelings for is in the middle of a separation, in which the future of her marriage to her children's father is unsure.

If he were just a friend with a shoulder for her to cry on, that would be one thing. But he has romantic feelings towards her which means he would be running the risk of interfering, not helping, as Vash and Lite said.

Keeping his feelings to himself would be the respectful thing. And in the long run, were she happen to divorce and start a relationship with him, I think she would greatly respect him for butting out.

what children?

[starbuck]

what children?

The love interest in the OP's post has children with her husband.

[Indignant]

then I'll have to take everything back. I was only referring to childless people.

[Lite]

hey, I have my needs too!

One would hope they would be 'upstanding' if you were using them as sex toys anyway. =)

[IndiReloaded]

Meh, I agree with you, Lite. I sometimes think Indignant is only here to stir the pot. I would take most of what she says with a grain of salt.

I like both Lite and Indignant, but Dig comes from the viewpoint of being involved in her own recent, unresolved, emotional affair. So I think that colours her response.

To the OP: I've been through something similar and I think Lite is right on the money. For what its worth. Wait until after the divorce and some amount of recovery has happened. Besides, if you TRULY care for this woman, do you really want to be her rebound?

[Indignant]

One would hope they would be 'upstanding' if you were using them as sex toys anyway. =)

i can't call it using anyone, it's doing sexual favors mostly. both parties are aware of the situation.

[IndiReloaded]

For Lite: you've been through the wringer and you seem to have gained some wisdom from it. One of the fortunate few, it seems.

Good luck with your next marriage. I hope it brings both of you happiness.

[Lite]

i can't call it using anyone, it's doing sexual favors mostly. both parties are aware of the situation.

I use my car to get to and from work. I don't abuse it, I take care of it, and it is a tool. A person can also be used in the same manner as long as they are willing to do so and understand what is going on.

It wasn't intended in a derogatory manner, merely observation.

[Lite]

For Lite: you've been through the wringer and you seem to have gained some wisdom from it. One of the fortunate few, it seems.

Good luck with your next marriage. I hope it brings both of you happiness.

I've been through a lot, and learned a lot, and the first thing I admit to is: It's my down damn fault.

And thank you for the well wishes.

[Indignant]

I use my car to get to and from work. I don't abuse it, I take care of it, and it is a tool. A person can also be used in the same manner as long as they are willing to do so and understand what is going on.

It wasn't intended in a derogatory manner, merely observation.

lighten up Lite!