Met her online. Need halp with planning a visit

[lesa]

Kikibrown22 thank you for your response and different perspective.

Would you like to add any wise advice for the OP?

[kikibrown22]

That's a fair question since all I've contributed thus far have been defensive arguments. I think so far he's done all that he can. At this point I'd suggest having calm conversations with both his own parents and her parents to ensure all of their concerns have been addressed. Then he can politely explain to his own parents that he's put a lot of thought into this, and while he respects their opinions and appreciates their concern, this is something that he wants to do, and at some point they have to let him live his own life and make his own mistakes or he'll just end up resenting the people who hold him back. As for her mother, he should ask the girl if her mother has mentioned the e-mail because there's a chance she didn't get it, or maybe just hasn't gotten around to calling. He needs to make another attempt to have a conversation with her. He seems to have worked out all the other logistics of the trip, so I'm not sure what else needs to be said.

[Junket]

That's fair, you did make a distinction, but I still don't see why you're trying to discourage this guy. He's not talking about moving to be with her, or having kids, etc. It's just a visit to see if they have the same connection in person as they do online.

As for the parents' involvement, he's just trying to make sure they're okay with things. He knows his rights as an adult.

She's 16.

She's still in highschool.

She's still being parented, she has no right of consent. It's not even about respect, she essentially has no adult rights. And so long as they live in their parent's households and are dependent on them, their rules trump their "rights".

Then he can politely explain to his own parents that he's put a lot of thought into this, and while he respects their opinions and appreciates their concern, this is something that he wants to do, and at some point they have to let him live his own life and make his own mistakes or he'll just end up resenting the people who hold him back.

I'm sure they'll let him live his own life once he...well, starts living his own life. He is still their little boy living in their house mooching off their resources. He should resent them for holding him back, and setting rules for him, because it's what drives children away from mommy and daddy to venture out on their own.

Yes, I will discourage him because I see no point in being enthusiastic about something I already know the outcome of.

What I will encourage him to do, since he's in college, and there's lots of exotic ass walkin' around, start looking more LOCAL. Talk to girls that aren't a plane trip away. For god sakes, leave your parents at home.

[lesa]

He should concentrate on finding a place to live. I would rather get a loan than live with my parents (not saying they are bad...I'm too old and I need my independence!) I moved out when I was 18. If he managed a long distance relationship with this 16 y/o, I can imagine she dumping him when she becomes 18 and living in a dormitory or apartment wondering why her boyfriend didn't do the same.

Suddenly she would be telling him that they are at different stages of life and she's the younger one!

If you want adult rights move out of your parents home.

[vashti]

I have kids just about this age (and yes, 18 is still a kid unless they are financially indepenedent IMO, and very few 18 year olds are these days). I wouldn't allow this either. I am actually a little surprised this girl's parents would allow a stranger to come and visit their daughter from another state, or would allow her to receive gifts from him. My daughter isn't even allowed to talk to strangers on the 'net.

Original poster - this relationship has such a poor chance of working out, just by virtue of your ages. When you add in the distance, her age, her crazy parents, and your parent's objections, the odds are even worse. I agree with Frasbee that you'd be much better off looking for local girls. Sorry, hun. I really wish there was something more to tell you.

[starbuck]

For starters, I think it's incredibly harsh to say that he doesn't have a relationship. Who are we to decide what constitutes a relationship. He seems to have more with this girl than some married couples do.

Sorry, but that is an incredibly naive thing to say. There is no way that having an online relationship is even close to a real life relationship. There is an incredible amount of intimacy, physical and emotional, that the couple is missing out on. Online relationships are more often than not, fantasies with possibility. The wise person wouldn't fool him/herself into thinking that it is the same.

Don't get me started on the "Collection of Doomed Internet Relationships" - it's childish and belittling. Nobody likes to be laughed at when emotions are involved, and especially not when they're reaching out for help. You might think that their relationships are insignificant and unrealistic, but, regardless of whether or not that is the case, they're important issues to them. Make a checklist of signs that are indicative of relationships that are doomed, but don't humiliate people.

I don't think anyone is laughing at him. The "doomed" thread isn't meant to be humorous. It's actually meant to wake people up. Internet relationships are a hard road to go down. People need the patience and maturity to realize how incredibly hard it is to have success with this kind of relationship.

nd Frasbee, how old are you? What gives you license to refer to some people who are legally adults as "kids" and what qualifies you as such an expert here?

Hmm, last I checked no one here was an expert, nor should anyone be. This forum is made up of regular people with varying degrees of experience, some of it garnered from life and some from just being on this forum for a while and learning what works and what doesn't.

My advice to the OP would be the same as Vash and Frasbee. Keep in touch with this girl but as a friend only. When the two of you are older and have more logistical freedom, then maybe you can look her up. In the meantime, I'd try to date locally as well. Maybe you can find a local gamer girl?

[kikibrown22]

Well we could argue this to death, but I think we'll have to agree to disagree. I will just end things off with my success story (and the reason that I stand behind my arguments). When I was 19 I met a guy over MSN (a friend of an acquaintance of mine). We got to chatting one night when he was on his friend's computer. We hit it off instantly. He was 23 at the time and lived about 8 hours away. We talked every day for hours on the computer or phone. I've never met someone who understood me so well. I thought about him constantly. He helped me through a difficult time in my life and encouraged me in my pursuits. Three months after we'd started talking, I took the bus to visit him (my first time traveling alone) and my parents let me do it without any protest - and my father is probably the most overprotective man in the world. About 6 months in things ended between us because of trust issues, and yes, the distance put a strain on the relationship. I found that I was too focused on spending time talking to him and not enough on the rest of my life. That being said, we are still best friends and I owe a lot to him. I can't imagine how my life would be now if, at the time, someone had told me that I wasn't in a real relationship and that I shouldn't waste my time on that guy. Heed their advice and be cautious, but please don't let jaded people cause you to miss out on something great.

[Junket]

Well we could argue this to death, but I think we'll have to agree to disagree. I will just end things off with my success story (and the reason that I stand behind my arguments). When I was 19 I met a guy over MSN (a friend of an acquaintance of mine). We got to chatting one night when he was on his friend's computer. We hit it off instantly. He was 23 at the time and lived about 8 hours away. We talked every day for hours on the computer or phone. I've never met someone who understood me so well. He helped me through a difficult time in my life and encouraged me in my pursuits. Three months after we'd started talking, I took the bus to visit him (my first time traveling alone) and my parents let me do it without any protest - and my father is probably the most overprotective man in the world. About 6 months in things ended between us because of trust issues, and yes, the distance put a strain on the relationship. I found that I was too focused on spending time talking to him and not enough on the rest of my life. That being said, we are still the best of friends and I owe a lot to him. I can't imagine how my life would be now if, at the time, someone had told me that I wasn't in a real relationship and that I shouldn't waste my time on that guy. Heed their advice and be cautious, but please don't let jaded people cause you to miss out on something great.

I will not fault you on giving advice that provides enthusiasm with an equal dose of reality.

[Only-virgins]

**** eharmony and match.com! World of Warcraft is where it is at. Don't mind me saying but this meeting at a game thing is really ****ING GAY. Really takes the life and excitement out of that first encounter with a potential someone.