What are the Signs...

[lesa]

As for meeting for a coffee, a walk, eating out....IMPOSSIBLE. The guy is two hours away. Two hours is a long way to travel, for a simple coffee, or to go for a meal....if only it were that simple.

Not to me it's not! If I really like him. If I am really into him and vice versa.

If you two are not willing to do the traveling and other things that require money then a long distance relationship is not for you. You both are stringing each other along. And for what?

[xjadedx]

Not to me it's not! If I really like him. If I am really into him and vice versa.

If you two are not willing to do the traveling and other things that require money then a long distance relationship is not for you. You both are stringing each other along. And for what?

If you had taken the time to absorb all of the postings, you would have noted that I have in fact offered to go and see him. Because he has no place of his own quite yet, he doesn't think it is a good idea because we'd have no place to stay.

Neither of us are in a financial situation whereby we can pay for a two hour trip, (four hours there and back) and same day and a few times a week, to grab a coffee or a bite to eat.
If only it were that simple and money was no object...

For most, money is a problem

And a two hour journey, isn't around the corner and back!

[xjadedx]

And if I was stringing him along....I wouldn't have posted this thread. I'd quite happily sit back and remain in this situation....

[xjadedx]

And I have a child at school...I cant just run off whenever I feel like it...

[lesa]

I suspect he may not be into me, as he would have me believe. That he's awaiting something better coming along, but stringing me along meantime.

Never a day goes by without him calling or texting me and it's been that way for a year (we are long distance, 2 hours apart)....but we have only met once and 3 months ago. He claims to want to see me again, can't wait to see me again, he misses me....but he appears to be putting little effort, in coming back...

I had to reread this. He's two hours away and you guys have only met once three months ago but this is a one year relationship?

What that......

How do you feel about this relationship? What are your expectations? What kind of a relationship is this? Do you see this lasting very long? Do you want it to last very long?

You can't control his behavior but you can control yours.

[lesa]

If you had taken the time to absorb all of the postings, you would have noted that I have in fact offered to go and see him. Because he has no place of his own quite yet, he doesn't think it is a good idea because we'd have no place to stay.

Neither of us are in a financial situation whereby we can pay for a two hour trip, (four hours there and back) and same day and a few times a week, to grab a coffee or a bite to eat.
If only it were that simple and money was no object...

For most, money is a problem

And a two hour journey, isn't around the corner and back!

I have taken what you said into account. That's why I said those things in post #12. If you guys were really into this relationship two hours would not be holding you both back. It may not be a date every few days but surely weekly or every other week. You don't have to stay at his or your home and you can bring your child along.

And if I was stringing him along....I wouldn't have posted this thread. I'd quite happily sit back and remain in this situation....

Are you holding on to this relationship hoping that it will "improve"?

And I have a child at school...I cant just run off whenever I feel like it...

It is 100% your choice to be in this long distance relationship. I understand that it was a long distance relationship from the start, correct?

Maybe a long distance relationship is not what he or you need. You both are staying in this hoping it either gets better or he/you find someone better/closer. Why else would you settle?


In my opinion, the hardest part of a relationship is knowing when to let it go.

[lesa]

Actually nevermind. I would not take the child along in a non-serious relationship. That can be complicating. I would find a babysitter I guess. That's a difficult situation when you have a child. I probably would not do a long distance relationship by choice. Now if it was a local relationship that became long distance for a "short" time I would work with that. Your child's well-being takes priority.

[xjadedx]

Thanks for all your responses Lesa.

Yeah, it's been going on a year. I wasn't looking for anything online and last thing I'd wanted was to get involved. But he came along, we got along well and chatted a good 8 months on the phone and before we finally met. Took so long to meet because I was real nervous of meeting him...it's something I'd never done before.

What I expected after we met and if we clicked in real life, was a 'real' relationship to evolve from it. I'd expected that at least he would come to see me every so often, (even once every two weeks would have been enough for me) and when we were apart, to communicate by phone until we could meet again. But that hasn't happened. He calls yes....but I don't see him and you need the physical for a relationship to grow and progress. I feel stuck in a 'phone buddy' situation and feel we have progressed no further, than the day we met....

I'm real unhappy in this situation of late because I feel it's not going to progress to more. I've stuck around for 3 months waiting on this guy returning and I've reached the end of the line. I have mentioned this to him, but he says I'm being unfair and because he waited for me for 8 months...which in fact he did. He never ran off when I was 'flaking'....so it it fair of me to now abandon him?

It's got a point, where I ignored his recent contact. He texted me last night, 'hi baby, how has your day been'.....
A minute later, another came through 'Anybody there?'....
Then 5 minutes later, he sent another which consisted solely of 'xxxxxxxx'

And they went ignored.

Nothing from him since and this was a day ago.

I keep thinking that perhaps he was being genuine...and I may stupidly be letting him go.

[Gigabitch]

What are you losing, really? This relationship is going nowhere.

[Cain]

Why are you worried about letting him go? This isn't a real relationship. Yes, money and time would be a problem and not allow the two of you to see each other several times a week. I agree. However, once every three months is unacceptable. It costs me $25 to fill my gas tank and I can drive four hours on one tank of gas. I assure you $25 is not enough to stop me from seeing someone I really care about.

The girl that I was talking to a short while ago was two hours away and we saw each other every weekend. However, the distance was too much for right now and so we turned things off. That's what you should be doing. There's no way in hell I'd be in a relationship where I only saw the person once every three months when there was nothing really stopping us from visiting.

[Tiay]

I'm just gonna jump right in and hope I don't regret only skimming over the posts so far.

In total I paid over 2k worth of plane tickets to see my ex when we were in a long distance relationship, and I never regretted a cent of it. And I'm a student so I knew I wouldn't have a job for the next few years.

my brother just drove five hours (one way and in the dark) to visit me and my parents. He does that almost every weekend.

So something about this guy seems fishy. If you do want to give the relationship a chance, then tell him what he needs to do to make that happen, otherwise just leave it, or you might just be stringing each other along.

[lesa]

In total I paid over 2k worth of plane tickets to see my ex when we were in a long distance relationship, and I never regretted a cent of it. And I'm a student so I knew I wouldn't have a job for the next few years.

my brother just drove five hours (one way and in the dark) to visit me and my parents. He does that almost every weekend.

Same here. I have been commuting for 100 of miles in some way since I turned 18.

I commuted to work on the weekends which was over 100 miles away. I don't recall how much I have spent on my LDR of 1.5 years! It may be in the thousands USD but I don't count at all. And I don't regret.

I am poor and I am a student and pay my own way. I do it because I am willing and able. If not, I would not. But I do think it's time for me to let it go but that's another story.

[xjadedx]

It's not a case of not wanting to spend money, it's LACK of money....

You all obviously have the MONEY with which to visit your partners.....him and I, don't have the money where we can just tiddle off to see each other....

He says if he had money, he'd be here every weekend....maybe more times a week.....but MONEY is what we both lack.

Ever tired living on welfare??? Well try it and then come back and tell me how you are managing to see your long distance partner...

[Sonrisa]

It's not a case of having no money, it's LACK of money....

You all obviously have the MONEY with which to visit your partners.....him and I, don't have the money where we can just tiddle off to see each other....

He says if he had money, he'd be here every weekend....maybe more times a week.....but MONEY is what we both lack.

Ever tired living on welfare??? Well try it and then come back and tell me how you are managing to see your long distance partner...

but he is a MAN, if he loved you, he would be motivated to get a part time job to have just enough to see you on weekends.

[xjadedx]

Anyway and tonight, I've been talking to him online for a change. He goes on to say he misses me, cant wait to see me.....so I told him PROVE IT....

He replied by saying, he'd been proving it for a year.....the fact hes still here and talking to me, proves what he feels for me'.....

So I said to him that he was missing my point....that what I meant was, 'Prove it by coming to see me'....

And he's mentioned coming next week.....so we will see.

He;d also mentioned his debts....he was knee high in problems and it's a shame we have only met once....

I have a gut feeling it wont happen....he may prove me wrong.