Girlfriend not ready to have sex and now I know why....what to do?

[carl1222]

Yeah Gemstar ... if she were really serious about mending her ways, she would probably want to wait before getting physical at all until there was some sort of relationship based on other things. Too much "yes, yes, yes, yes, no" for my comfort.

Carl.

[lesa]

Yeah Gemstar ... if she were really serious about mending her ways, she would probably want to wait before getting physical at all until there was some sort of relationship based on other things. Too much "yes, yes, yes, yes, no" for my comfort.

Carl.

Not really. Women are wishy-washy you know. She "thinks" she is mending her ways. And teasing him at the same time.

[Aeradalia]

Not really. Women are wishy-washy you know. She "thinks" she is mending her ways. And teasing him at the same time.

Have to disagree with you Lesa... I think this woman should realize this by now... as his frustrations about it would be known by now... even to the more dense females...

And I've seen plenty of females who either thinks it's funny to make a man beg and deny him... or feel a man has to put his sex drive on hold for her --- to prove he loves her... etc.

Either way... deliberately or inadvertently... this woman is being cruel, and if he were a weaker man --- this could easily be a dangerous game she's playing.

He needs to let the boundaries be known and enforce them...

[lesa]

Women are crazy to minimize their "sluttiness" as much as possible. Oh he doesn't count as a sex partner, only anal was performed and not vagina. Oh and the other was vaginal but he didn't do anything...so he doesn't count. Fingering doesn't mean sluttiness. Having 2 men play with the nipples isn't sexual behavior. Oral doesn't count. The other 144 were done 15 years ago and now celebate for 2years and therefore is a complete virgin again. Tell him you won't have sex but you really really really want to is a good girl.

[Aeradalia]

Women are crazy to minimize their "sluttiness" as much as possible. Oh he doesn't count as a sex partner, only anal was performed and not vagina. Oh and the other was vaginal but he didn't do anything...so he doesn't count. Fingering doesn't mean sluttiness. Having 2 men play with the nipples isn't sexual behavior. Oral doesn't count. The other 144 were done 15 years ago and now celebate for 2years and therefore is a complete virgin again. Tell him you won't have sex but you really really really want to is a good girl.

If any woman actually thinks like this... I'd have to say she is verifiably insane. If this particular woman thinks like this, then he's better off removing himself from such insanity...

[carl1222]

Have to disagree with you Lesa... I think this woman should realize this by now... as his frustrations about it would be known by now... even to the more dense females...

And I've seen plenty of females who either thinks it's funny to make a man beg and deny him... or feel a man has to put his sex drive on hold for her --- to prove he loves her... etc.

Either way... deliberately or inadvertently... this woman is being cruel, and if he were a weaker man --- this could easily be a dangerous game she's playing.

He needs to let the boundaries be known and enforce them...

Aeradalia brings up a good point (see bold). I have never seen an analysis of the root causes of date rape, but I would imagine that the beg/deny game would rank way up there.

Carl.

[lesa]

Have to disagree with you Lesa... I think this woman should realize this by now... as his frustrations about it would be known by now... even to the more dense females...

And I've seen plenty of females who either thinks it's funny to make a man beg and deny him... or feel a man has to put his sex drive on hold for her --- to prove he loves her... etc.

Either way... deliberately or inadvertently... this woman is being cruel, and if he were a weaker man --- this could easily be a dangerous game she's playing.

He needs to let the boundaries be known and enforce them...

Like I said she is doing both. She is teasing him and she is stutty. Now women are lying about their "sluttiness"? This world is coming to an end. I wouldn't touch her if that was true. She thought saying that she had one nightstands with 5 men would make herself appear more attractive to him? I worry about what that says about him...and what she thinks about him.

[lesa]

If any woman actually thinks like this... I'd have to say she is verifiably insane. If this particular woman thinks like this, then he's better off removing himself from such insanity...

I would say the same about lying about having 5 one night stands.

[Aeradalia]

Aeradalia brings up a good point (see bold). I have never seen an analysis of the root causes of date rape, but I would imagine that the beg/deny game would rank way up there.

Carl.

I would certainly see some forms of date rape involving the man and woman engaged in sex, and then she says "no" definitely being plausible... I've had male friends discuss such situations where this had happened to them. The urge to keep going is overwhelming... but reluctantly they do stop...

No offense... but the typical male is larger than the typical female... a male's most primal urge is his sex drive --- is it really wise to tempt the animalistic side of males at their weakest moments?

[lesa]

If any woman actually thinks like this... I'd have to say she is verifiably insane. If this particular woman thinks like this, then he's better off removing himself from such insanity...

Oh really

[carl1222]

I would say the same about lying about having 5 one night stands.

I would agree lesa except when it is self-serving to the game.

How better to tease a guy than to tell him that she has had sex with many random strangers but not with him because now she is "being good?"

I have no proof of my gut feeling, but it all seems to point that way.

Carl.

[lesa]

I would certainly see some forms of date rape involving the man and woman engaged in sex, and then she says "no" definitely being plausible... I've had male friends discuss such situations where this had happened to them. The urge to keep going is overwhelming... but reluctantly they do stop...

No offense... but the typical male is larger than the typical female... a male's most primal urge is his sex drive --- is it really wise to tempt the animalistic side of males at their weakest moments?

She's lucky he didn't date rape her. If she had simply stood up he would attack. A man will date rape because he is weak.

No he date rape because he wants that control back. Not because he wanted sex and she declined but he was weak and still horny. It's easy to stop a "normal" man from being horny enough to rape a woman.

[lesa]

I would agree lesa except when it is self-serving to the game.

How better to tease a guy than to tell him that she has had sex with many random strangers but not with him because now she is "being good?"

I have no proof of my gut feeling, but it all seems to point that way.

Carl.

A 21 year old? Wow, is she the best he could do? I would dump her no matter. She doesn't sound girlfriend material.

[carl1222]

She's lucky he didn't date rape her. If she had simply stood up he would attack. A man will date rape because he is weak.

No he date rape because he wants that control back. Not because he wanted sex and she declined but he was weak and still horny. It's easy to stop a "normal" man from being horny enough to rape a woman.

Oh I totally agree, lesa ... this is not a question of a guy being so horny he couldn't help himself. Almost all of us can control that urge to comport with decency and a woman's right to control her body. But deliberately add to that a denial of sex right after a taunting, explicit encouragement can make weaker, less controlled men snap.

It's not so much about control, lesa ... and becomes more about rage for being played that makes him think she is less than human and therefore deserving of being raped.

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

She's lucky he didn't date rape her. If she had simply stood up he would attack. A man will date rape because he is weak.

No he date rape because he wants that control back. Not because he wanted sex and she declined but he was weak and still horny. It's easy to stop a "normal" man from being horny enough to rape a woman.

I'm not a man... I do not know how strong such urges are compared to that of a woman's... just based on my own experiences of being in the mid-coitus and having the guy stop for whatever reason is enough make me a little more than agitated... Now imagining the guy giving me some excuse like "I'm not ready," or "I don't think this is really what I want," would certainly seem like a ridiculous excuse when your mind is screaming 'but dammit, we were so close to being finished!'

Another thing... it's not easy to discern these 'weak' men from others when you're talking about whether he can stop mid-coitus or will be overpowered by his instincts. I think it's best to just not force the guy into such a situation... If you have a sex with a man, then be 100% certain that is what you really want to do. One you'll never have to find out if he is 'weak' and two, you don't have to force the man into such a difficult situation... possibly having the guy lose a bit of respect for you (especially if this tends to be repeated).